Compulsions

I did some gross compulsions, i do them because i think that if i do them i get rid of thoughts ( cause i don’t want them) that’s why I do compulsions but people do them to check am I a p? I’m terrified I can’t do it. What if im different I don’t think I heard about someone that did compulsions to get rid of thoughts that’s why but to check omg im terrified

I’ve chewed my nails and skin around my nails since birth it feels like. My fingers look deformed, when they get water on them they get all white and puffy. almost like if you stay in a pool too long and get that weird water log on your hands. Only I put my hands in water for like 30 seconds and they puff up instantly. I believe I made it one of my OCD routines. I have to constantly check if there’s no loose skin or nails sticking out, and if there is I have to chew it off then I just don’t stop chewing until my finger is bleeding. It’s a very bad habit but it relieves my anxiety when I do it. I’m tired of my deformed, red, bloody fingers and nails it’s so embarrassing.

I obsess constantly about my hands being dirty and feel like I can actually see the germs and bacteria crawling all over my hands if I can’t wash them as soon as I touch something. It’s really embarrassing since people in my life have noticed this “weird” behavior but it’s a huge problem for me and I don’t know how to make the obsessive thoughts stop.