Harm OCD Urges

@My OCD Academia It’s so hard when it feels like I want it to happen 😭

@Catlove9 I'm sorry.... it really sucks! I'm having a hell of a time with 2 themes and harm seems to be coming back. When you say you want it to happen.... maybe that's your OCD tricking you into thinking it. I'm just wondering.

@Speckles Yah. I think it’s another form of an obsession.

@Catlove9 Ugh....I hate this illness! I'd rather have something physical than this any day

@Speckles That’s what I always say. Because it makes me feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore

@Catlove9 I know. I feel like I don't know myself anymore too. I also feel like I'm faking things to other people. Faking a laugh.... just all around being a fake to friends and family. They don't know my intrusive thoughts and I know they'd look at me different. Especially the POCD images. I hate this so much. It's taking over my life. Therapy doesn't seem to be working. Is it for you?

@Speckles So I’m having to do more intense exposures now and sit with the anxiety and keep doing what I was doing when the thoughts came in. But how can we do that when it’s so terrifying and we feel like we have to run?

@Catlove9 The ERP made me worse. I was so spacey in the grocery store after I did the therapy. I get it you don't want to sit with it. It's scary

@Catlove9 I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope with this whole thing

@Speckles Me too 😔. I feel like I’m getting worse and that it’s not ocd.

@Catlove9 I know.... there has to be something that'll help. Are you on any meds?

@Speckles No. I tried Prozac but it didn’t really help me. How about you?

@Catlove9 I'm on 2. One is anti psychotic the other SNRI. Don't seem to be helping much.

@Speckles How long have you been on them?

@Catlove9 6 months.. I think. They upped the SNRI. I have no job and don't think I can work like this. Can't focus. Are you working?

@Speckles I am. But it’s very difficult because I’m scared all the time. Do you have a therapist on here?

@Catlove9 Yeah, I have one from here. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get a job. I'm so scared of that too.

@Speckles I know how you’re feeling. I think of those things in other aspects. Like I’m scared to be happy because then I feel like something bad will happen. I’ll be 37 in 2 weeks. I really thought I’d be over this by now.

@Catlove9 I hope we can both get thru this soon. It robs you of your life. You can talk to me whenever.... I'm here. I know the urges are scary

@Speckles They are the worst. We will get through this. I know we will. Something that helps me sometimes is I’ll make a list of things I want to get done in a day. Could be anything. Shower. Clean the bathroom. Whatever. And no matter how crappy I feel or whatever , I still try to complete those tasks.

@Catlove9 That's a good idea. I'll write some things down for tomorrow. I think I'm going to bed, so I don't have to think about anything

@Speckles I’m sorry 😔. You will get through this. You’re strong and you’ve already gotten through so much of it. You can keep going!

@Catlove9 Thanks.... I'll get by somehow. We both can get thru this! We just have to hang in there

@Speckles We will! I am here to talk whenever. 😊

@Catlove9 Thank you! ♥

to be honest i haven't found a way to handle it completely. i still get frozen in fear when it happens and can lead me down some dark spirals. i just hope that sticking through it will get me to the other side.