Reassurance

I don’t know what to do I’ve been seeing this guy for roughly 4-5 months and I like him so much like he could be the one. He was in town for something for most of the time we’ve been seeing each other but he recently moved back to his state which is pretty far away. I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to accidentally get an STD from somewhere like a toilet seat or the other day after taking the bus home I forgot to wash or sanitize my hands before wiping plus I’ve had coworkers and even my roommate admit that they’ve had chlamydia and one has HSV. I’m terrified that I’ll get something and he’ll think I cheated and we’ve both been hurt like that before and I wouldn’t want to put him through that or have him think that of me. I’ve been trying to not google anything or go to the doctors bc those are my compulsion and reassurance seeking things but nothing is helping it’s to the point I don’t want to use the bathroom or do anything does anyone have any tips to help it’s starting to effect my life I know this isn’t possible but I keep thinking it would just be my luck that I’d the odd one out it does happen to

In September I had unprotected oral sex. I haven’t had sex in five years because even before that I was so ashamed and worried about sex. I finally did it and then a few weeks later while I was at work I started to be very itchy all in my underwear area like up to my butt. I didnt see any blisters or anything but when I googled it, herpes came up. Eventually I thought maybe it was the new underwear I bought and it went away after I stopped wearing them. However it’s returned twice, mostly when I’m really worried about herpes. I know this makes little sense because I don’t thinking about it would cause an outbreak but, either way I’m really nervous to go get tested because I heard there’s a high false positive rate and if I get a positive there’s a huge chance I will just become a recluse and never speak to anyone again. I already have so much trauma with sex, vaginismus, etc. I can’t imagine telling anyone I have herpes and then they 1) don’t want to be with me 2) now know this and could tell anyone they want Even if I don’t have it I was reading it could be asymptomatic and 80% of people who have it don’t even know, so now I’m worried I will get it no matter what sex I have. I can barely handle staying alive with just OCD but now with social stigma with herpes I will feel like I can not even live a normal life. I am already freaking out about it and don’t know what to do. I am worried to go get tested and it saying I have it, and then I’m worried to not and potentially spread it, I’m not even having sex with anyone right now so it’s not like I would. But I’m worried I will forget to wash my hands and touch something and someone else will touch it and then get it. I’m just having a really bad time.

I know I keep talking about this and I swear I’m not trying to be annoying but over the weekend I had gotten some new Clorox wipes because I was running low on some at home. I noticed when I came home I still had 2 half full containers left. When I got home everything was fine until I accidentally knocked my setting spray off my bathroom counter. Now mind you I had 2 warts on my foot about 4 months ago and my ocd makes it worse by making me believe the virus is still on the floor. Immediately when it dropped, I cleaned it with a Clorox wipe. This is where it went down hill and my brain started to spiral. After disinfecting my setting spray, I started second guessing if the Clorox I used on it was from the same container I used for the shower floor. I usually wear gloves before getting a Clorox wipe and sometimes I don’t. I was trying to do “ERP” and instead of washing my hands 3x… I just washed it for about 5 seconds . I then put my lipliner and gloss on and now I feel like I contaminated my lipliner. I threw my lipliner in my makeup bag and my makeup bag has a blush brush , hilighter brush and some other makeup stuff. I just wanna throw that whole bag out now. It’s exhausting and this might seem dramatic but I couldn’t get out of bed because all I could think about was everything being contaminated in my bathroom. I leave for Florida in 3 days and I’m freaking out because everything isn’t going how I want it to. I’m just exhausted. I just bought some new Clorox wipes from Kroger and one of the Clorox dropped on the floor and now I think that’s contaminated and now I’m confused which one fell on the floor and which one didn’t. They were next to eachother and I forgot that fast. 😞☹️ Before going to Kroger I felt like god was talking to me or my intuition and telling me don’t get another one. So now my minds making me feel like it dropped on the floor on purpose. Idk know if it’s god talking to me or my ocd. I was sleeping all day because I don’t wanna get up and go in my bathroom and I don’t even wanna put my makeup on because I don’t wanna take a chance of getting a wart on my face. I never did a deep clean after my wart but I have used so much Clorox in the bathroom to just to dinsifect. I’m still nervous to even do a deep clean because I feel like I’m going to pick up the virus or bacteria. Also if there’s any Christian’s reading this I would appreciate just a prayer bc I’m tired and exhausted which I know seems funny from being in my bed all day. But mentally I’m exhausted. I don’t even wanna go to Florida anymore. I know the only way to get a wart is to get it from skin to skin contact. Oh! I almost forgot I had a dentist appt today and this girl was shadowing my dentist and she greeted me and shook my hand. It happned so fast. I didn’t go home right away and wash my hands and I’m freaking out about that too. I’m just overwhelmed . 😞 I know this was long and I appreciate you reading.