I feel ok other than this sort of mental block in my head. I can’t feel 100%. The thoughts are still there but sorta muffled if that makes sense. I don’t feel happy but I don’t feel sad. I’m definitely not feeling anxious anymore. And the thoughts just aren’t really bothering me- like I’ve accepted them. That really desire and anxiety to make my relationship work (compared to 2 months ago) has sort of fizzled out. I was upset by this a month ago but now I’m not. I just want to know if this is OCD. I don’t want my relationship to be over but I’m scared it is.

I feel this too. Like almost what why am I feeling not much lol

It’s so weird right? It’s weird to feel normal

My two most significant relationships were with awful horrible people (not physically but emotionally they were quite horrid tbh). My current partner is amazing and I’m constantly questioning why he’s with me. I do think subconsciously I’m worried he might one day realise that and just leave

I’m feeling the same exact way. Like part of me is worried the other just simply doesn’t care and I feel so ready to end my relationship and usually I’d have a thought like “I wanna make it work” but rn I’m not having.

I do wanna make it work a lot but is that because I love him or because I’m scared of this continued pattern? Keeps happening to me.

Wdym continued pattern

I keep doing this in relationships. Getting to a certain point (usually about the year mark) and this happens. I usually can justify ending the relationship for one reason or another until now. There is literally nothing wrong with us or him.

Well how do you feel when ur with him

The thoughts are still there but definitely a lot quieter. He’s lovely and supportive.

I think that’s good. He’s able to calm u down. I’d be worried if u had loud banging doubts when with him yknow? Or u felt like u wanted to leave everytime u were near him

Oh yeah definitely not, I enjoy being with him

Ya so see? If u didn’t like him u wouldn’t enjoy being with him

That’s true. Wish my brain would accept it. In previously relationships I’ve been repulsed and really annoyed by my partners so have ended the relationships. I don’t feel like that with my currently partner but why is my brain still trying to sabotage it?

Well for me it’s Bc I’m on my first healthy relationship and my brain is use to unhealthy relationships so it’s in panic mode rn and it’s like “this is too good to be true” and I’m scared to lose him

So maybe it’s something like that

That’s prob why you get doubts like me

It’s a weird way to show how much you care right? Haha

Ya unfortunately I just started getting false memories too so that just complicates everything

False memories?

Ya when u obsess sm that ur brain distorts the thoughts and feel like a memory that didn’t happen. So I feel like I cheated yesterday when I didn’t I just was worried I was gonna so I blocked all the boys on my snap but it feels so real

Wow that says hard. I’m not sure I get that, or maybe I just don’t realise. You’ve gotta trust yourself and accept the thoughts. You know in your heart you didn’t do it. It really sucks feeling like this.

It’s hard Bc my brain will keep switching from “he doesn’t love you” to “you don’t love him” and idk sometimes I’m scared I’m with him just Bc I’m attached or Bc I’m scared of breakups Bc I have trauma

Well don’t make any decisions until your well. You need to be making decisions only with your rational brain, not your OCD. If you did break up, you would be ok and you need to remember that. You can be happy and loving your partner is a choice.

Ik but I don’t want to break up with my partner

Then don’t. If there is that part of your brain telling you don’t, that’s the part you should be listening to. If you knew you didn’t wanna be with someone- you wouldn’t worry so much and just get it over with (maybe feeling a bit guilty). Why put yourself through all this worry and insecurity for someone not worth it? He clearly is to you & that’s what matters. Use that to fight your OCD. Try ERP or CBT. Or meds (if you aren’t already). I’m always here if you wanna talk to.

But I feel guilty sometimes like idk why but he wrote me a paragraph and I felt guilty reading it but didn’t feel guilty while txting his mom. I’m worried my subconscious is trying to hint something to me

Don’t listen to your gut.

My therapist triggered me sm last night and was like “what if ur doubts are doubts and u don’t love him”

And what if they are? Except that uncertainty. However, your therapist doesn’t sound like they may be the person- are they an OCD specialist?

No they’re not but I don’t want the doubts to be real

Having read a lot on here, id say you’d be better seeking specialist OCD advise. Can I ask- are you diagnosed? And that’s ok, they don’t have to be. Being with a partner is a choice and your feelings and worries are normal

Ya I am diagnosed

I just get worried what if I’m worrying sm about what she said Bc it’s true

You wouldn’t be worried if it was

True and even if the thoughts were true I want to choose my bf and love him

But then I worry what if I’m forcing it or convincing myself I like him like she suggested

Then choose him. Don’t let your OCD win