- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I do this a lot where I think ‘I don’t want to think about this’ but then I think if I don’t think about it I’m repressing the ‘truth’ and then I HAVE to think about it.
- Date posted
- 6y
I do the same thing. And then if I don’t feel that anxious about the thought I tell myself it is because I’m lying and in denial and then I freak out even more. It feels soooo real sometimes.
- Date posted
- 6y
I was watching Orange is the New Black last night with my husband, and I was constantly analyzing everything. I would think “yeah maybe that wouldn’t be so bad” and then I would absolutely flip my shit. Why can’t I watch literally anything without having anxiety??
- Date posted
- 6y
@mamabird17 I’ve been thinking about watching that as exposure but I’m absolutely terrified and I think I’d just do compulsions 24/7
- Date posted
- 6y
@mamabird17 same!! I‘m even terrified of watching Tv with gay characters because I know it would constantly trigger my HOCD and I would constantly analyze everything... I think the fact that I never had a boyfriend or even dated a boy makes my HOCD worse...
- Date posted
- 6y
It was sooo hard to watch and just “accept” things because you want to scream at the top of your lungs that they aren’t true. I want them to not be true.
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s so hard to be constantly battling your own mind. People are like “think about something else” and I’m like yeah I freaking wish I could. Thanks.
- Date posted
- 6y
Same... it’s just hell
- Date posted
- 6y
I also don‘t want them to be true. Did you also had HOCD before meeting your husband?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes! I had my first experience with HOCD in high school or late middle school after reading a story about someone realizing they were a lesbian and in love with their best friend and another one about the girl who fell in love with this other girl at first glance and then started checking out girls at school. I went through a lot of fear that I was actually a lesbian back then. In college, it somehow managed to go away and then the lid popped off like a year and a half ago when in grad school. Not sure what even triggered it then. I think I was in a sub shop and the girls were complimenting me on being pretty and then I got back into the car and started worrying about being a lesbian and not knowing it or that I found them attractive. Basically haven’t fully recovered since.
- Date posted
- 6y
@mamabird17 I‘m so sorry for you, but you seem like a strong and genuine person as you also are a mother! HOCD it‘s just like hell, people without OCD really don‘t know how it is to be tortured by their mind and their thoughts. It‘s sometimes living hell. I also had HOCD when I was younger and I also always managed it but since 2 months it is stronger than never before. Sometimes I just think „It‘s an illness and my thoughts are just symptoms“ but at some days HOCD gets so bad that I literally just can‘t do anything against it.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
When i do the compulsion of checking if i want my bf or a girl it always makes me feel like with my bf i cant kiss 1nd then i am like this is because of ocd but when i then think about kissing a woman it feels like it would go easy , shouldnt the compulsion bring me peace like bad reassurance ? Does this mean i am not into men , it feels way to similar ,like my intrusive thoughts are like normal thoughts
- Date posted
- 12w
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
- Date posted
- 9w
I have a lot of trouble with my sexuality. I’ve been trying to figure out my sexuality for years. I’ve dated a man, and I wasn’t really into the whole time. And since then I’ve thought that maybe I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women, which I know for sure. But then my brain spirals, I constantly think back ti memories with my ex, how I felt with him, I check how it makes me feel. I often google to see if other lesbians have felt similar, I ask ChatGpt over and over again. I feel like I have to be 100% certain or that im faking for attention, or thst I’ll end up with a man. I guess im wondering has anyone else felt like this ? What’s been your experience how do you manage it?
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