Soocd

@e.hkp Oh my god finally😭 I’m Muslim and I’m 17-18 years old. I have soocd for 2 months and it’s gotten so worse. Wbu?

@Anonymo12 i am 23 years old and also muslim. i’ve been struggling with soocd since february this year! it’s gotten very bad, especially over the past few weeks

@e.hkp I overcame soocd back in 2021 when I was 15 abt to be 16 then it went away 2022 early. It went away for 2 years till august 2023. I’m so sad and down cuz it feels so realll very real and as a Muslim I don’t want these thoughts at all. I wanna be straight and marry a woman and have kids w her. But now even calling myself straight brings discomfort. Thinking abt sleepung w a girl or marrying a girl brings discomfort too. Soocd has attacked me in so many ways

@Anonymo12 i can relate so much! i love being religious, alhamdulillah, but it makes it so much harder to handle these thoughts! i just feel like i don’t know myself anymore. before my soocd started, i was like DESPERATE to have a boyfriend and did not question liking men. now, i am not certain about anything. i start to believe the thoughts and it’s the most sad and anxious i’ve ever felt, although i experienced a lot of hard times

@e.hkp Have u got snap or anytbing? We can talk abt how it is n stuff and jus see how to help eachother overcome this

@Anonymo12 no sorry, i don’t really use social media to better concentrate on uni (since my performance really suffers from ocd) but i guess this is also quite a good platform to talk

@e.hkp Yes, my soocd has gotten worder as I’ve read into things. I read into Muslims coming out as gay by accident and I read a line where one said “I prayed and prayed and begged” and it scared me so much cuz I pray and beg to Allah to save me from ocd. Ik it’s forbidden so why would Allah make me like that? Ik I ain’t I’ve always had girl crushes, when I hit puberty I was girl crazy so much. I jus loved girls and the idea of being w em. Been in 3 rs (astagfirullah) and loved em too. As soon as I found the right girl I decided to love her through the sake of Allah and then Soocd popped up again. It’s ruined so much of my life these last 2 months where it convinced me that I acc am. I still am holding on

@Anonymo12 yes i feel that! i also pray a lot but sometimes i think it would be better to stop praying for being saved from ocd, because it makes our brain more certain that there is a fear and we have to do compulsions and think about it. you know what i mean? so maybe that’s a step we both could take, although it feels so much safer to pray for it! but Allah knows our heart and our wishes and unspoken duas

@e.hkp that there is danger* sorry

@e.hkp I do that but then it makes me think, “well if u didn’t pray for it maybe u want it and that’s what u desire” and it jus puts more fear in me because I don’t want to be gay. I hate the idea of being with a guy. And yes, I feel that it makes it harder cuz then it feels like I’m doing a compulsion by praying and tryna reassure myself. It’s scary man it makes me think that in my heart I want to be this. But I don’t at all. It’s so shitty

@Anonymo12 i get what you mean! it’s so so hard. currently it really feels convincing and real and i can imagine being with a girl. but then again our imagination can literally do anything - like imagining a green orange on a bike which is also not real! but then i feel like since i can imagine, i probably like it, because i don’t always hate the idea of it. in moments like this i feel like i am in denial. i am even scared to start therapy because i am afraid the therapist will tell me it’s not ocd

@e.hkp Also, it’s getting so much harder now. Even if I call myself straight it brings discomfort and anxiety. Idk how to overcome this now

@Anonymo12 How are you now