Vent (pls feel free to comment pls!!)

My bad for not being clear but it's what very first triggered it In the first place back in June if is this even is hocd.

@alexramirez A couple things: I can’t give you an exact response because I’m a woman lmao but I know some people say that things that are sexual in nature are usually going to be arousing somewhat because that’s the whole point of porn. I’m sorry for the pain and anxiety it may be causing, but no one can tell you what your spur of the moment thing was. As for if you have ocd, I would recommended not self diagnosing and going to a professional to get a proper diagnosis. But some of us just don’t have the money for that (including me), so I would read through the list of symptoms that would signal ocd. What helped me realized there was a 99% chance I had ocd was the fact that my obsessions were not something that would occupy my mind for a little amount of time; I was easily in a war with my head for 16 hours a day and it just didn’t make sense. If I’m a lesbian, then I’m a lesbian, but I could not for the life of me get myself to like the thoughts or have the desire yet I was ALWAYS like “are you sure tho?” Also, you replaying the video to check of arousal is a compulsion. You are 1) repeating a behavior to see your reaction and 2) making sure you have the “right” reaction

@kaa0120 I would also like to say that you don’t need this in your head for 16 hours a day for it to be ocd, it does have to take up a duration of time, but people vary.

@kaa0120 I simply gave my situation as an example, not the formula or blueprint for ocd.

@kaa0120 I've taken some hocd test and they all indicate that it seems like hocd I've seen symptoms as well and they match up but the thing is although they match up there's still that doubt in my head saying do they really or are you just lying I had this hocd from June all the way till end of August went all of September fine then around a week ago I've come back to it but not as strong as it first started

@alexramirez Welcome to the joy of the ocd world✨✨✨✨✨doubting if you have ocd is another extension of ocd. It’s called the doubting disorder and its whole point is to drag your ass back to your fear so you deal with it, and your brain telling you that you don’t have ocd is another way it gets to you.

@kaa0120 You have to respond in the same way by saying “I may not have ocd and I may indeed be gay, but I’m not going to figure that out right now”

@kaa0120 You can also give your ocd a name so it’s kind of like a separate entity. I gave my ocd a name (will not share as to not offend anyone) and everytime a thought comes up I say something like “thanks for your input [insert given name], but that’s not a concern to me and I will not be addressing that” and move on with whatever it is I was doing.

@kaa0120 Yk this helped me alot as I've heard it before and it helped me get to where I'm at rn my anxietys pretty low and all that stuff but I just feel confused yk empty ig u could say like idk how to feel but ty for all ur input and I hope that anything that maybe the both of us are going thru we can get thru

@alexramirez I feel you, when my anxiety reduced by a lot to a point right now where it’s barely present, I felt a sort of emptiness too. Like “where’s the anxiety? I’ve been living for months with this fixation, what am I supposed to focus on now?”My head felt so empty and the quiet was very unsettling. Ofc it was followed by “you see, you’re now so empty from trying to desensitize your homosexuality, you must be gay” and that narrowly sent me into another spiral but I just continued with ERP. Ocd is not a once and done sort of deal, it can come up later in the future (same subtype or diff), and it’s the unfortunate reality of our lives, but oh well🤷‍♀️we can’t wallow in anxiety and self pity forever

I cant see a professional sadly for undisclosed reasons but does this sound like hocd even tho rn it's not at it's peak like it was back when I first had it before the relapse?

@alexramirez I am not a professional… but I am diagnosed and I did experience similar emotions/reactions. I cannot reassure you as we don’t do that on this platform:)))))