My therapist told me not to make any decisions about my relationship….its hurting me because I see my partner fully committed to me and I have to go on with the mentality of not making decisions….he wants to marry me have a future with me. And I’m here in this horrible situation…why did she say that…. What do I do! Pls advice me.
I'm not sure exactly why since I don't know your specific experience but maybe you can explain to your partner that because you're struggling with ROCD your therapist has suggested that you focus on therapy for a while before taking next steps. You could say that youre excited to get past your current difficulty through therapy so you can be fully present in the relationship. I'm sure your partner would understand. It's another good reason to continue to do ERP, it really is effective and I believe you can get through this! Hopefully that helps. I know how hard ROCD can be, it's no fun.
@Anonymous48 The thing is I’ve decided to not tell my partner abt the thoughts and feelings because I can’t break his heart or hurt him…. And he only knows that I have ocd and have been dealing with it. Plus my therapist didn’t say anything about erp which is making me doubt her and the therapy I’m taking…if she is the right one or not. I’m really scared if l put in the work and the feeling of love doesn’t come back in. It’s actually terrifying trust me.
I know it’s hard. I hear you and see you, and I’m sorry you are experiencing this. I too struggle with ROCD, and have said the exact same thing to my therapist before, except I am married – have been for almost 7 years – and at the beginning of my therapy was convinced that I needed to leave my husband. She told me not to make any big decisions. I am so grateful because now just eight weeks into my therapy, I see things in a whole different light and realize how much of those thoughts are coming from the OCD. OCD makes things very urgent. I hear you that you’re in this “horrible situation” and that your partner wants a future with you and you’re being told you shouldn’t make any big decisions. The truth is that it is actually NOT urgent. I promise. Whoever your partner is, if you tell them that you aren’t ready to make big decisions like that right in this moment, if they are worth staying with, they will understand. They’ll give you the time and space you need. So really, it’s not urgent. You have all the time in the world to get this sorted out and then make the decision that feels right for you when OCD is not in control. I’m not minimizing – trust me I know it feels urgent. I have felt the exact same way you do before. I always feel urgent when I’m having an OCD spiral (like this morning!!). It’s helpful to remind myself that the reality is actually not urgent, it’s the OCD telling me that it is. And I don’t want to default to OCD as the captain of my ship anymore.
@Anonymous I feel like bursting out by crying I can’t even cry idk why….. he really has hopes from me….. even while typing this tears came out because I can’t hurt him in anyway….hes so wonderful…..it’s been over a month in my therapy and I don’t feel great till now…. Im scared I’m so so scared it’s just physically impossible for me to even say that right now I’m not in a position to commit to anything. It’s breaking me tearing me I know I’m not a bad person….i can’t do this to him yes iknow my therapist didn’t say to breakup but I’m scared/terrified what if my thoughts are less my anxiety is less and still don’t feel love for him. Why is this happening I did nothing wrong why doesn’t god understand my situation..I feel helpless and hopeless a part of me is spiralling between choosing whether to stay or leave (what’s the point) the other part of me can’t hurt him , can’t break up with him….whats happening to me i don’t know😭
@Anonymous Sometimes I think it’s rocd iknow it’s rocd I reacted to this one thought which created this ocd problem, thinking as if I’ll use rocd to get more closer to him but other times I just feel hopeless helpless living with no clue what the hell to do. If it makes sense
Please help. Been with my boyfriend for 15 months. 6 months into our official relationship I found out he kissed someone 1 week before he asked out officially. He told me he loved me at that time and I felt we were exclusive. He apparently did not . He also agreed he would not watch porn and lied once about it. I also have been spinning about the types of women he thinks are attractive and I find disgusting so I sent him pictures for months hoping he would say it looks gross but he didn’t and it killed me. Throughout the relationship I have been spinning about these issues really hard and it damaged my trust for him but I know he’s an amazing great guy I just feel very uneasy. It has been 1 year of me spinning about these issues and other little ones constantly texting him everyday and my friends about them to try to figure things out but I am unhappy . 4 months ago I had a severe breakdown and since I am severely depressed and anxious every day all day with thoughts of is this a wrong relationship , comparing him to other men, wondering if I would be happier with someone else. I have been seeing a therapist seeing a therapist one thinks I have rocd and a psychologist doesn’t . Nothing is helping me and I’m on Zoloft . I broke up with him a month ago and I’m still spinning in circles if I made the right decision or if I left over rocd and overblowing the issues that bothered me . Someone please tell me if you think this is rocd (edited)
Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt
I talked to my therapist about the emotional disconnection I feel in my relationship — how I often feel nothing when I’m with my boyfriend, how I feel irritated or even disgusted during intimate moments, and how all of this creates constant fear and sadness in me. I told her that I want to love him, that I used to feel more, and that I believe my thoughts and reactions are part of something deeper — like ROCD — not necessarily the truth. But she said something like, “It doesn’t make sense that you want to love him but don’t feel love,” and suggested that I might just be lying to myself and need to “accept the truth.” That crushed me. I kept explaining that these thoughts feel obsessive, that they don’t align with my values or how I see myself — that they’ve taken away my ability to feel joy or peace. And yet, I left with this terrible fear that maybe she’s right, that maybe I’m just in denial. She even told me that I have two choices: accept that I don’t love him and stay while lying to myself, or leave. And that… that made me feel like she was confirming my worst fear — not helping me explore it safely. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lie to myself. I just want clarity, and peace, and the ability to feel again. I also didn’t tell my boyfriend about the session, because he’s skeptical of therapy — he thinks therapists just want money, and that I have to “help myself” if I want to feel better. I kind of get where he’s coming from, but it still makes me feel a little alone in this. I guess I’m posting here just to say… I feel really lost right now. I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is ROCD or just the truth I’m too scared to accept
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