I feel defeated

So I have been suffering from hocd for over a year now. And at first it gave me anxiety, and I would look up how to turn back being straight ect. But here I am now and have zero anxiety, I don't i have distress, I don't know I have but right now I'm like im actaully gay, like it feels like im gay, and I'm convinced that I'm gay and if I said I was straight, it feels like lying to myself at this point. And I want to be really sad and know that these aren't my real desires or I know that I would be unhappy and be very sad, but I don't feels sad, or unhappy, or depressed. Like I can say I don't want to be gay but it feels like im lying to myself at this point, I dint feel any attraction towards women anymore or If u ever had. Is this still hocd?

Sexual Orientation OCD

m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 1y

Did u maybe convince yourself you don’t feel any attraction towards women? Cuz for pocd I felt like I „could be a p bc for years I haven’t had a crush on a guy“ but then this year I found an absolutely beautiful guy who’s older than me. I also still sometimes feel like „do I feel attraction towards men?“ ocd can make you question it bc you pay attention to everything. When a normal person doesn’t have a crush every single week they’re not gonna question whether they might be gay or not. And not every person who questions they might be gay actually is gay. I think you simply might be telling yourself that everything now is coming together and that you’re starting to turn gay but you probably would’ve realised this way sooner in your life as it starts showing in ur teens.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Yeah I mean, I 100 percent can tell before hocd(I got this when I turn 20) o had zero attraction towards guys, never questioned it, I've had peolle called me gay and it was really annoying. I always watch still to this day only watch and get hard to females, never men. I've always fantisize about women both sexually and romantically, but now its like it all switched. Idk if I just messed up bad in erp because I'm at pint where get all these and I feels like I've been convinced I'm gay, but it feels like I don't care anymore and it sucks

Anonymo12

Date posted: 1y

@m1ch3ll3 U say teen years. I’m 17 abt to be 18 and I’m suffering from soocd. It triggers me when ppl say teen years because I’m in my teens years and I don’t wanna be gay at all. I have the similar situation to this guy I would cry before but now I feel little anxiety and I don’t cry. I don’t get errctions on anything and my sex drive is very low. I had this first time when I was 15 and it went away. For 2 years I had everything back until august. It came back. And now it feels more real and severe.

m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymo12 To me this sounds like ocd and not actual gayness. You put a lot of thought into this and since you didn’t want this it became severe for you. Talk to your therapist about this, I’m sure they’ll be able to help!☺️

m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymo12 But tbh for me the teen years thing also sucks bc I’m 15 and most p start to realise it around this age 😭

Anonymo12

Date posted: 1y

@m1ch3ll3 I’m 17 now and for 2 years it went away I had my attraction to girls back. I think whoever someone is attracted to from puberty that’s what they are

Anonymo12

Date posted: 1y

@m1ch3ll3 Man it’s tough. I’m doing sessions and they said I have ocd. It feels very very real. I think everyone can overcome soocd. We jus need the right help and the right mindset. For instance, when I had cancer ocd, it felt very real, I felt like I had all the symptoms. I was scared to get help jus in case they say u have cancer. Same way with soocd. It feels real and I was scared to ask for help jus in case they say “yes ur gay” so I think with the right mindset u can overcome this like we all can: we got this

m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymo12 You got this bro!! And trust me it really doesn’t sound like you could be gay as I know someone who is bisexual and she never is afraid of being so or ashamed or feels uncomfortable around people of her gender. Trust me, you’ll get better!

Anonymo12

Date posted: 1y

@m1ch3ll3 Thanksss it’s hard man it’s so hard I can’t even think straight sometimes because of this. And then also not feeling the anxiety at times too scares ne more

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@m1ch3ll3 Hey so you think ts the same thing for me?

Anonymous123

Date posted: 24w

Can anyone tell me if this is normwl

Hi so I've been having a recent theme of soocd hocd. At the start I was all panicked and couldn't leave my house. Now all my emotions feel like they have turned off. It feels real now like I'm just in denial. It's bringing up memories from the past of shows I've watched or people I was friends with to try and prove the point or people I thought were pretty. It's saying you've only realised now cause you are comfortable as I had a difficult childhood. I feel no attraction towards men and can't remember if I ever have now even though I know I did. It's saying its all fake. I really am. Starting to believe it's real and I just feel depressed now. Am I going to have to leave my boyfriend who I planned my life with. It feels like life is going by and I'm stuck. I have no energy at all.

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

Am I even straight anymore?

I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.

edimichael

Date posted: 17w

acceptance

it feels like i accepted being gay and thats part of who i am but i still feel that tension and fake attraction whenever i see a man and i feel like i could be able to have a sexual intercourse with a man even though i dont want it is it still hocd or just denial? like i am feeling okey but there is still that doubt that how can i know that im not gay if i dont get disgusted by gay things or gay personality traits and at the same time i want to feel normal again like before

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