Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I’m just so tired of it

I understand seeking reassurance is not going to help. But I truly feel like I’m just in denial of being lesbian and it’s the most overwhelming and frustrating thing ever. I keep doubting my feelings in the past towards men and I feel things now that I didn’t feel towards women before. Now I find it hard to even imagine being with a man, imagining being with a women feels like what what I’m wanting but I DONT KNOW. My loss of attraction to men is so bad at this point I feel like it’s all true

Sexual Orientation OCD

Rgreen061820

Date posted: 1y

i feel the same way. But it’s just our OCD playing tricks. Remember, OCD is going to make it feel as real as it can get. As long as you KNOW you wanna be with a man, and you KNOW that these aren’t your true desires, that’s what you focus on. Don’t base anything off of how you feel. OCD is thieve of everything

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Rgreen061820 I don’t know anymore that’s the thing, it’s like I know I enjoy a lot of aspects of being with a man, but to imagine myself right now doesn’t feel fully right, but imagining being with a girl doesn’t feel right either it just feels tolerable. I tried doing self ERP and watching same sex couples tell their stories but it’s backfiring. It feels like that’s gonna be me

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Rgreen061820 There are some points where my true desires really do feel like I want a man, but then that single thought of what if pops up and I’m drowning again

68273

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Right.on That’s the point of erp, you need to feel what ever comes with the exposure, ie “feeling like you want it” or what ever comes along and doing response prevention. “Maybe you do want it, maybe you don’t” eventually, you will get stronger and will see a lessening of symptoms

tuchi

Date posted: 1y

@Rgreen061820 The tricks feels real, it feels like I’m lying to myself, I can’t stop putting thoughts or images in my head without creating scenarios, it feels programmed. Some things if feels like I’m giving into the thoughts because it comes with false feelings and arousing too. What the hell is this 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Carlos A

Date posted: 1y

That's how I feel currently, lost, but deep down I know that there is no way, it feels so real but at the same time so unreal, it's like it doesn't make sense, but my fear of everything changing without even wanting it is what drives me. through the endless spiral. I don't really feel that “desire” above all the obstacles that the subject could pose, but my attraction and libido towards women has gone down and I can't help but be sad and anxious about it, and I analyze every man I see, it's tortuous

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Carlos A I relate to you a lot. Do you think it’s possible for your feelings and thoughts to change the longer you ruminate? Because I feel like that’s happening to me, I’ve been replaying it in my head for so long that now I’m not sure if I want it

Carlos A

Date posted: 1y

@Right.on I can't know, I hope not, I've also been at this for so long that it's become difficult for me to pay attention to other things, my attention has been on solving this for a long time. Your mind can start playing with you I guess, you are searching and searching and intolerance of uncertainty is fuel for the fire.

Carlos A

Date posted: 1y

I see a lot of photos of girls and although at times I feel numb, like I can't understand, there is still that feeling of wanting to be there, I want to go back, I went out with girls in the past and it was nothing like this, not all of them. Only those of us who went through this will be able to understand it.

Anonymo12

Date posted: 1y

@Carlos A Same man

Anonymo12

Date posted: 1y

@Carlos A Exacfly. Ppl who don’t knw abt soocd won’t be able to understand what’s going on. Sometimes even we don’t knw what’s going on. We all have our desires. Remember ocd is gunna go agaisnt that

Anonymous123

Date posted: 24w

Thoughts make sense

I've always found women pretty and admired them since I was younger, never wanted to be with them or anything. I always pictured having a boyfriend and my crushes were always boys. I have a boyfriend now but because this has happened I feel nothing towards him or any men. To be honest I'm so exhausted I don't feel much at all, there was so much anxiety at the start and now there is none. Does that mean I have accepted the thoughts. My mind keeps going you were suppressed all these years but I do find women pretty so that's what's making it worse. Am I just in denial and being delusional? I never doubted my sexuality before this I always considered myself to be straight but I feels like my mind has been twisted and can't remember any attraction to guys but can remember thinking girls are pretty? Does this mean it's all real? I don't know anymore

Anonymous123

Date posted: 24w

I'm so convinced it's just denial

I feel sick to my stomach, a few days ago I knew I was straight and could picture my life with my bf again. The anxiety has really lessend and Im more depressed now. I'm 100% convinced I am lesbian even tho I have never had sexual attraction to women, found them pretty but never wanted to be with them. My mind is only picturing me being with women now and it feels like a pit in my stomach. I don't feel emotion now, I'm also on my period. I don't want to be lesbian. I want to be with my boyfriend and have the life I pictured with him. My memory is so dissorted right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with being lesbian, it's just not for me and now that makes me feel like I'm homophobic.

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 20w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

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I’m just so tired of it

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