Punishing myself by not eating.

I've been cut off from my OCD therapy because of my eating disorder despite the fact that my OCD is the reason I have one. Today is hard because I'm struggling with ZOCD thoughts again surrounding a character I like. I think I know deep down theyre unreasonable, but my OCD keeps making me doubt myself. I avoid eating to punish myself for the guilt of these thoughts. I cant get OCD treatment until my ED is treated, and on top of that im afraid to tell my mom I have Anorexia, because she has OCD too and I know she'll stress bad if I tell her. My brother has ADHD and she's always worrying about him and other stresses in her life and I feel like I have to be the least concerning one in the family. Things are hard and my meds don't really work. I hate not having support for this disorder.

"Pure" OCD

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

How did you get cut off? I don't understand. I'm sorry to hear about your eating disorder. Did your insurance not cover this? I know how you feel about the intrusive thoughts about ZOCD. I have that for POCD. I have really unwanted dreams that show up and sometimes they're about that. They make me sick and it makes sleeping a challenge. Is there any chance you could see your doctor about all of this? I hope you can get the help you need for all of these struggles. You have my support! I want to see you get through OCD and not have to go through the struggles with it! I hope this helps. I hope it gets better.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 2y

Basically, NOCD has a policy that they treat OCD if the patient has an active eating disorder. After making some calls it seems like most treatment centers have a similar policy. I'm getting ED treatment set up now. I might have to do intensive treatment next year from the looks of it. Which means I'll be without OCD treatment for a while. My birthday is in a few days 🥲 what a way to spend it .. lol. But thank you for the kind words. I appreciate you ♡

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Northern_Downpour I don't understand. They treat OCD for those they have an eating disorder right away but you aren't getting that treatment? Or is your eating disorder getting to the point where you have to skip OCD treatment? What a coincidence, we have the same birthday month! I hope you have a good birthday.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@BigGyro09 And judging by the title of your post. Please don't starve yourself. Try to have a meal when you can. I'm sorry that it can be a problem for you.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 2y

@BigGyro09 I'm sorry I wrote that wrong, I meant the policy is that they DONT treat OCD if the patient has an active eating disorder 😭 im not sure how I messed that sentence up. They won't treat me because I have one. But cool coincidence that we have the same birthday month :) happy birthday to both of us then ♡

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 2y

@BigGyro09 Eating is really hard for me. I've had anorexia for years and it's getting worse again due to losing OCD treatment. I'll try to eat dinner. We'll see haha.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Northern_Downpour Now it makes sense. NOCD has limitations for me too. They didn't accept my insurance. I'm not an expert on anorexia but I can see how debilitating it can be. I'm really sorry and I hope a solution will show up for that and everything else.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 2y

@BigGyro09 THAT I understand. A bunch of OCD therapy places don't accept my insurance either. I'm surprised NOCD accepted mine. I'll have to come back to them later. But thank you. Hopefully you can find a place that accepts yours too.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Northern_Downpour I'm still looking for a therapist of my own. I think I'm on the right track. I have high hopes for recovery because I sure do hate getting twisted thoughts when I'm just doing my own thing. I also hope my anxiety fades greatly overtime. I sincerely hope you find effective treatment for your anorexia and your OCD. Things will work out. I believe you can do it!

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