TikToks make me feel worse (this is a long one)

I keep seeing these TikToks about relationships and talking about signs he’s uninterested in you and that you’re an opinion or that you’re a casual girlfriend and it’s really making me question my relationship and I don’t want to. I’m happy with him and even though yes I do think there are things we can change and things I don’t like, unfortunately that’s an adult relationship and we’ve gotta find our way around the issues right? So like this is my first proper relationship, so idk what’s normal and what’s not but also I believe there is no normal and not it’s my relationship and what fits for us might not for other people, right? So for example, we both have very conflicting work schedules. I usually work evenings and he works days. On weekends I’m fully not available and he’s usually with family. During the week he works 7-5, so I can only see him in the evening time after he’s cleaned up from work (he’s an electrician and doesn’t like me seeing him all dirty and sweaty), so most of our meetings are in my car 10 o’clock at night. I’m currently saving to go away travelling so I can’t book time off and spend loads of money, he’s saving to deal with hobbies and life shit, so both have money issues. All of this I believe is normal adult life but TikTok and people keep saying “excuses” and it’s stressing me out. It’s like they think it’s a lack of effort on his part but I don’t see it that way. He’s dealing with a lot of mental health problems at the moment and he’s opened up to me about it all and it’s really difficult for him to find time for himself let alone other people sometimes, which he said makes him feel shit because he wants to make time for me he just doesn’t want to half ass it. I understand this fully but people make me feel like I shouldn’t. Also, my family is a difficult one. My dad has severe cleaning OCD to the point our house looks like an IKEA show home and I told the guy I’m seeing this, he now worries about mess and being in this space and even though he doesn’t say it I can tell. He’s also nervous to meet my family properly (I’m his first relationship as well) and I notice that getting him tk my house as he also doesn’t drive is a nightmare, he also worries about having me at his because our families and houses are polar opposites, so he doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it a lot but it’s like I feel I’m not allowed to understand why he doesn’t want to do certain things yet. So really like it’s hard for me to believe me and him are okay and that he likes me. I saw a TikTok today saying “signs your relationship won’t last” and it was like “he doesn’t make effort” or “he says he’s busy” and it just made me stress. Also, we aren’t “official” yet we are, it’s confusing but we’ve talked about it and it makes sense for us. We are exclusive, we are each others, we know that and we’re basically together we both know we’re together but the label rn for him he has told me that he doesn’t want to disappoint me when he can’t do certain relationship things, he’s told me it all and got very upset when opening up to me. He’s told me that he wants to do all the relationships things with me but feels absolutely terrible s out not being able to. So we both know we’re together, just we’re taking our time and we’re doing it in our own pace. But society has stressed me out and now I’m worried about what people say is normal and what isn’t. I’m happy with him, I love him a lot and I’ve never felt this way for anyone. I just want it to be ours not everyone else’s

Relationship OCD

Scared1

Date posted: 1y

I can tell you for sure that tik tok messes with my mind too. Big time. It can bring to light so much and raise so many questions around all of our relationships. It can have you questioning whether your partner is narcissistic, whether they gaslight you, whether you’re actually a good parent or not, whether your parents screwed you up as kid, etc., etc. It has me thinking I have borderline personality disorder (even though Ive seen multiple therapist throughout the years and the only thing they all say I have is an anxiety disorder/ocd.) It makes me question if Im narcissistic, how authentic I am etc. You can certainly learn so very much, but sometimes too much information isn’t necessary and instead of it helping us, it just causes problems. I have just recently decided to take a break from tik tok because it floods my mind with too many “new thoughts” and I think can bring about problems that may not have been there before - especially when you find yourself on the psychology side of tik tok. My own personal advice would to be, base your relationships off of how they feel. Not off if what someone on tik tok tells you they should be like. Even if its a psychologist/psychiatrist. Unless they sit down with you, learn who you are, who your boyfriend is and learn the dynamic of the relationship, I would take for what it’s worth - just basic info.

Gmoki

Date posted: 22w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

Songtothesiren

Date posted: 19w

Rocd latching onto problems in the relationship

Recently my bf wanted to confess to a comment he made to his friends that always bothered him that he said this and it was literally within the first week we had met. (It’s sweet that he wanted to apologize for it, he even teared up bc he knew it would hurt my feelings) He told his friends that I was “super pretty but that he also thinks these girls on tiktok are hot” (girls with piercings and dark makeup, basically alt/ goth looking). Then he said “I just think that look is attractive.” He said the only reason he brought it up was bc he was on tiktok when he was talking to his friends (on discord) and a girl popped up on his FYP and made him think what he finds more attractive. Then his friends wanted to see pictures of me and everyone agreed I was pretty. Then like 3 days later he was talking to his friends again (they only ever talk through discord bc they don’t live in the same city) and was basically just raving about me and how pretty I am. Then his friends said “what about the tiktok girls and what you said” and then my bf said “I was trippin”. This is making my ocd so bad bc I kept ruminating if I should add it to the list of reasons why we need to break up or if this was my “sign” to end it. But then I also get reminded of the positive, like when he told me the first time he saw me he thought I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, and has even reassured me by showing me messages of him talking to his best friend about me (also the same week of us first talking) and told him that I was “actually perfect” and “INSANELY pretty”. I try not to be upset at him since this was when we barely knew each other and his type back then was more emo/alt girls at the time and I look different. But I have spiraled so much about it bc I don’t want him to settle for me. He’s tried reassuring me so many times that he was always very attracted to me and never thought anyone was prettier than me, he said just in that brief moment that look still caught his eye but that it went away super fast. He also tried explaining to me that “hot” doesn’t mean “better” or even “prettier” just that the look itself is what he used to describe as hot. He said “hot” is also a casual thing to say, especially to guy friends. Whereas to me, hot means the BEST looking. Sometimes I want him to admit that he was just not that attracted to me in the beginning/more attracted to tiktok girls in the beginning bc it makes more sense to me LOL but that’s just me being annoying and I get very bothered when someone tries to sugar coat things rather than telling me the harsh truth. I think this may be another common thing in ocd, like just WANTING him to tell me the worst case scenario bc it’s more logical to me that way. He ends up crying with me bc of how sad he feels that I have such low self esteem from it and also is so frustrated that I won’t believe him, even though he was honest enough to want to share this with me. Sometimes I think he is playing two truths and a lie to make his explanations more believable. Am I making him out to be a villain who always wants to manipulate me or is this just an instinct I have when I feel that someone is not telling me the truth. We’ve had other problems with him not wanting to be brutally honest bc of how I react so it always scares me that he is always telling me a fabricated story. I also am starting to feel embarrassed for myself and for him being with me. I wish someone could just tell me if the things he’s done or said are deal beakers

ellij

Date posted: 11w

Gods voice Vs. OCD thoughts

I have been constantly ruminating about if God wants me to be with my boyfriend. I am so hyper fixated on Gods will for my life that I often overthink every move. I have constant “what if” thoughts or “if God wanted him in your life you wouldn’t be having these thoughts”. I can’t differentiate Gods voice with my thoughts. What if this is God speaking? I also keep seeing TikToks that say if God wanted this person in your life they wouldn’t do blah blah blah. I am just not sure what to think anymore. I want to be with my boyfriend and he wants to be with me. However, as of lately we have been having some issues because we show our love differently. Then I see these TikToks saying that the right person will love you the way you need to be loved naturally, nothing will ever need to be forced, rhat I’m forcing a rib into the wrong man, etc. and then I’m like is this God talking through these videos saying I shouldn’t be with my boyfriend? I am not sure what to think. I just feel like my mind is in a constant spiral and I get so confused.

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TikToks make me feel worse (this is a long one)

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