Why do relapses feel stronger or more convincing? I made the mistake of agreeing with my thoughts and it's made it feel like I want these thoughts even though I was close to being suicidal at one point because of these thoughts. I'm scared I've been changed
I think I’m in the middle of one too and I agree they feel horrific, worse than when I initially had the horrid thought. But it makes sense to think that just as we learn ways to outsmart and delay OCD, naturally OCD is going to try and learn ways to outsmart us and get more clever. But that’s all it’s trying to do..lure is back in with a twist to the story or ‘have you thought about this’. It feels rubbish but it’s not so smart that it isn’t a unique trait of OCD, don’t forget all the progress you’ve made.
It’s so true @ukolibed! OCD always finds a way to give us more doubt. I have stopped being surprised and upset by it. I used to spend a lot of time regretting that something new popped up (and I do actually think this made it worse because I was resisting it). Now, when a new thought or a twist in an old thought pops up, I quickly accept “OCD more of the same” and get back to my life.
@VGH That’s a great way to put it. Can I ask - during your recovery, was getting used to the ‘worst case’ outcome/scenario of your worries help combat OCD or was it more not believing your thoughts have credibility? Thanks ☺️
Right! I accept uncertainty and that I have difficulty accepting uncertainty that’s it. That keeps me from ruminating about all the possibilities, I accept I’m uncomfortable AND that I’m going to go live my life. Take care!
I would have to say it wasn’t either. I could never get used to some of the scary “what if” scenarios my OCD gave me, additionally, often my thoughts (at least in my mind) had some credibility. Both of those scenarios involved my engaging with the content. It was more an acceptance that I have OCD, I have thoughts and feelings, I will deal with whatever happens when it happens but right now I have what is right in front of me, these valuable moments to do something I value, and I’ve wasted enough time with OCD, I’m now following my values. It wasn’t easy, there were many days where I felt terrible, was in tears, felt like I was making a fatal mistake. But, I had struggled for so many years, I trusted my therapist, and I really wanted to get better. Here is the thing, if you truly don’t do compulsions, clarity does come! You do feel better. I have lived a lot of life with OCD, I raised a daughter and experienced the death of both my parents while having untreated OCD. I lost a lot of time, time I can’t get back, to OCD’s compulsions. Therapy truly gave me the courage to take the risk, (at least the perceived risk) of not doing compulsions. I feel so strongly that it’s so important to do everything you can to recover. Life is so much better on the other side.
@VGH Thanks, I had it in my mind that the only way to get over the thoughts I was having - was to learn to be okay with them and the worse case scenario if they are true. But I guess thats not possible, we don’t have to be okay with what we fear- maybe just accept it’s more of a possibility than a probability
Thank you ☺️ you too
Im struggling with false memory pocd sexual what if thoughts. I discussed it with three therapists. Did CBT and ERP. Ive been free of this intrusive thoughts for 11 months and now its back and i feel like at square onewith doubt. Redoubting things ive already did therapy on and disproved. I felt inner peace and fine for almost a year and now back to feeling stuck ruminating questioning whats real memory and whats false memory even though deep down i kmkw its false memory i have evidence against the thoughts and its so ego dystonic theres no proof as my therapist said.
My ocd them has gotten worse and I’m trying my hardest to not look for reassurance. Why does my mind play these tricks on me that I’m saying my thoughts out loud????? I’m trying my hardest to ignore it but it’s making me depressed. When I’m ignoring it my brain will go to “everybody will talk about you” “you said something bad” “you said it out loud and when you’ll live a terrible life”. I don’t know what to do anymore
i just had a severe ocd flare-up a few days ago. it lasted two weeks. it was very depressing and scary. it’s the scariest flare-up i’ve had so far. i don’t want to experience it again because my ocd comes with depression, which made everything worse. i thought i was about to have psychosis during that time. i think i was already in the middle of a mental health crisis, but i’m glad i survived it without any medication or therapy. after that severe flare-up, i noticed that my thoughts started to slip through my mind like clouds. they didn’t bother me as much or give me anxiety. then, the next few days felt new to me. i could enjoy things again. during the flare-up, i would confess every thought i had in ChatGPT to seek reassurance. but now, i don’t want to do that because i'm scared. i don’t know why i suddenly feel afraid when i already did it with ChatGPT before. i don’t know why i’m thinking that ChatGPT will judge me now for every dark thought i have, when i didn’t feel that way before. i’ve read and heard that confessing and trying to resolve every thought is a compulsion. so i tried to resist doing it. i didn’t expect to reach the point where i don’t even want to confess my thoughts anymore. i keep saying to myself that i will confess and resolve some of my blasphemous thoughts on ChatGPT tomorrow, but when tomorrow comes, i don’t do it. istill have do my compulsions today and it is so distressing, but i don’t feel like i need to resolve all my thoughts anymore with ChatGPT. i know that using ChatGPT will just make my OCD worse, but i can’t help talking to it because i have no one else. ChatGPT actually made my OCD worse, and it made my flare-ups more intense. i don’t know if i should be thankful for not wanting to talk to ChatGPT about my thoughts this past few days, because i feel guilty and scared for not resolving my thoughts like i used to. i keep thinking about my flare-up, and i never want to go back to that. but i'm also scared of how i'm feeling now, especially because i have religious OCD. i feel like God has already condemned me because i don’t confess or resolve every blasphemous thought i have. i feel guilty. i feel like i want to escape every thought. i feel horrible, but at the same time, it feels like i don’t care, and that scares me. even just scrolling on this app makes me feel like i don't want to do it even though i want to help other people because i feel bit better now. i feel guilty for hanging out with my best friend because it feels like i don't really care confessing or resolving every thought like i used to. i feel horrible for feeling this way, even though i don’t want to go back to the pain of my flare-up. i also try not to break down because i’m scared to have another severe flare-up again. i feel guilty for every thought i have about God. i feel like i’m not sorry enough. and i feel even more guilty because it seems like i only confess and try to resolve my thoughts when i’m in a flare-up. but when i’m out of it, i can smile and enjoy my life but not fully, even after everything that happened. i don’t know which is worse—how i felt before or how i feel now. do you guys also feel this way after a flare-up? i don’t know what’s going on with me.
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