I hate thinking my past will always come to haunt me or that I need to confess things to my mom to get relief rather than just using my own judgment. The what if’s really kill me. 3 years ago I used to fool around with a guy from my old job and we would do it in the car sometimes behind a shopping center. My parents now have my car because they had to sell one (I take the train anyway to work now). Rational thinking me says it was 3 years ago and if you were to get caught you would’ve already. OCD me is saying no there are cameras everywhere and I will be called by the cops. Or some disease or germs is left over in my car and now my parents will catch it because they are using my car. Not something i want to confess so I’m keeping it inside but it’s making my ocd and anxiety run wild. At the time I was fine but years later I think of things! The guy I fooled around with jokingly made a murder suicide threat when I was annoying him once and I went to HR for it because my ocd got so bad from that comment. I also obsess he taped us or will expose me to my parents for revenge even though I haven’t heard from him in 3 years. Haven’t even thought about this for so long idk why I randomly remember things and get frightened. It’s like I have some intense guilt amplified from my stress (moving back home, breakup, starting new job)

since one of my biggest fears/events of my reocd happened (not the way i thought it would happen!) i've been healing and understanding a lot of things (like the fact i was the one being abused in my old relationship) but thanks to that my ocd has been trying to launch on a new event and i don't know. i was in a cut and off relationship with my ex three years ago, this happened when i was an older teenager and really confused. during the time i cut off momentary with him i started to get compliments and cute messages in an anonymous confession page and used to post them replying in a playful way or just with genuine curiousity. the thing is, i got with my ex once again in secret for the last time but honestly i'm realizing lately that i didn't love him anymore and being with him made me feel terrible but i wasn't strong enough to leave him once for all. i didn't tell any of my friends about this because they hated him (for a good reason) and i was also disappointed on myself for this. he pushed me a lot make it public and i would say to him a lot of times that i wasn't sure. the thing is, that i still got that type of messages on that anonymous confession page and still publish them on my profile while being with my ex in secret, but eventually i stopped doing that. then i finally left my ex (was horrible). but since what happened to me, i cant stop thinking if that was cheating – it was cheating? i'm not sure anymore and i feel like im going to have a relapse.

TLDR; i'm terrified that my past confessions/need for reassurance to the wrong people will get back at me one day from them not knowing it was undiagnosed OCD/not understanding. back when i was 17/18 i began struggling severely with POCD. at the time, i wasn't diagnosed and had not much idea what OCD was, so naturally i just thought i was a terrible person. i needed reassurance from everyone - even coworkers, friends, anyone, some who barely knew me. i'd tell people about the thoughts i was struggling with and when i look back it upsets me because i know deep down they thought it was weird. i don't know why i felt the need to tell these people about my POCD. i even remember one of my supervisors looking at me with this horrified look on her face. the job i worked at back then, i sometimes had to do parties for children so naturally i refused because of my theme, i was (still am if i'm honest) scared of children. i ended up not being kept permanently at my job (i was seasonal) due to me not doing the parties. i ended up going back to that job a year (ish) later after being diagnosed. i made it clear i had OCD and wore lots of pin badges about it and made it my mission to spread awareness of what OCD really is. i was on meds (still am). some people had left naturally, so i know there's some people out there who never actually found out i had OCD and i am terrified they think of me as this dangerous, weird p*do because of my intrusive thoughts whenever they hear my name/think of that job. i'm terrified that my old coworkers talk about me and describe me as a bad person. i had someone come into my new job a few months back, and being in customer service, we were having a friendly chat and she mentioned she just started working at my old job. i said i used to work there, she then asked me if i was *my full name* and i said yes, she said she'd heard about how bad my manager was back then. she tried to follow me on instagram and i blocked her. i'm terrified on how she knows about me, what does she know? what was she told? it haunts me to this day. what if she thinks i'm a bad person, because my old colleagues have told her stories of my POCD? why was i even mentioned? but yeah - long story short i'm just mortified that i was so open about POCD and that there's people out there who know about it that probably shouldn't, some who i know didn't like me very much anyway, and that it might come back to me later in life and i'd lose everything, and just overall the thought of someone thinking of me as a bad person. anyone else relate?

I made a really stupid mistake over two years ago. I brushed it off and have just assumed everything was fine since. I even forgot about it. Recently, I saw a reel on my phone that triggered anxiety and ruminating about said mistake. Everyday when I wake up and fall asleep, it’s all I think about. I begun opening up to loved ones about the story and they all reassured me that everything’s fine, and that it’s really “not a big deal”. I’m still very much on edge, paranoid, and aware that it could come back to bite me in the ass. It’s consumed my mind so much to the point where I don’t enjoy the things I used to, it’s difficult keeping up with daily tasks, it has stripped me of my motivation and my relationships with other people due to isolation. I’m physically sick from worrying about the future, coming up with every worst possible case scenario and mentally living in that persona instead of what’s happening right now in front of me in the present.