Is OCD more centered on your reactions to thoughts? It’s bothering me so much because it won’t explain my past or past reactions to stuff, there’s no way that it can. Idk what to do anymore but I know I’d rather not exist. OCD only explains me ruminating and spending so many months googling 24/7, but that’s it
I get the concern. But there are physical responses to all stress and intrusive thoughts. If you focus on pain, all you'll feel is pain. If you focus on nerves, all you'll feel is nervous. It's a shift in your focus that needs practice. Accept its there and laugh and refocus on something else. You'll eventually recondition the brain. Definitely recommend therapy though as I'm not under the illusion I know everything. As for imagining you can't recover, regardless of the theme ( no matter how insulting it may sound), straight up refuse to give in. You know you don't want to live like this. When I say refuse, don't think "I hate ocd , I don't want ocd, I hate these thoughts and reactions" because that'll actually put your focus on it and tell your brain to keep checking in on it. Brains are weird like that. Instead try think" I will get better, I want my life to be like _____. I can be slowed but I won't be stopped ". Its hard to drive to your destination without crashing when you're looking back over your shoulder at where you've come from. Your destination is where you put your focus, and how fast you get there depends on your determination. (the faster you go, the more uncomfortable it can be as the road to recovery is bumpy)
@Invalid Thank you so much for this message, I totally know what you mean. I just get scared because this kind of reaction sadly never bugged me before but because it relates to a theme I’m struggling with I feel like it’s absolutely my fault and that this has gotten out of hand now. Like this was happening before I’d ever think I had OCD which sucks and it just doesn’t feel like everyone else’s issues who has OCD because I don’t think I was really distressed before by this whole thing
@ck99 I get it. I've had groinal responses to stuff in life that I don't even think relates to ocd. I've erections when I don't want them, (tmi sorry) I've had the opposite reaction when I do. Hormonal reactions. Like I've literally been scared by an older woman once and my body was like " sexy time now?". Like wtf is that 😂 There's also something guys get like random day boners. No trigger, just does it. There could be a guy that gets that in the presence of younger tfor instance and think it's because they've been aroused by that. Then they send a message to their brain that this is something to keep an eye on, then it kicks in every time the fight, flight or freeze kicks in... And it goes on and on and on. Sometimes we get horny about something and then someerlse comes along that stresses us out and we forget what the initial thing was and focus on the negative. And sometimes we just get horny. Like imagine someone "seeing to themsef" and their pet walks in or something, they don't stop and continue, then after they question, that was weird, why didn't I stop? Then down the rabbit hole they go, maybe thinking they liked it because of the animal presence, even though they were happily doing it without the pet in the room. It's a thought process but the wrong one. It's how you react to it that matters. This is just one example Trying not to reassure but hopefully you understand.
Basically the reactions to thoughts. Even if the reaction is thinking. Its the way we have conditioned our minds to deal with certain stressors. You can fix it but recovery is a process, not an event
@Invalid So in the case of groinal response or arousal? That’s what I get scared of the most, like that doesn’t seem like it was ever OCD and only seems that way because only recently have I done compulsions surrounding the subject from what I remember
@Invalid Sorry idk if that makes sense, and I don’t wanna think negative but I can’t imagine ever recovering from this
My spelling is atrocious. I need a new phone. Sorry. If any of its confusing, let me know
@Invalid No worries, did you post another comment or something? I don’t see any spelling errors at all
Yeh, was a long one 😅 about groinal response
@Invalid Ohh no worries, it was very helpful thank you! Like I said I just hate the fact that i think I wasn’t so distressed by this feeling before which disturbs me more as if it wasn’t ego dystonic in nature in the first place
@ck99 Sometimes there may be a disconnect. Almost dissociation, maybr could be that's what that was. Maybe not. Are you seeing a therapist for it?
@Invalid What do you mean by disconnect or dissociation? And sadly no, I can’t afford it without insurance so I only got one session with a therapist
Kinda like desensitisation. I don't believe it's the same thing entirely. That sucks, that you can't get therapy without insurance. Is that in America? Why is insurance necessary?
@Invalid Ohh I see. And yeah insurance helps a lot sadly, otherwise ur paying out of pocket and the cost is not cheap. Yes I’m in America
@ck99 That sucks. Is there any charities or non-profit organisations you could look into? They may be able to help. Maybe some kind of mental health hotline will provide you with some options
@Invalid I’m not sure tbh, I’d rather not I think because I’m worried something deeper is wrong lol and I really doubt they’d help. I’ve only had a session with a NOCD therapist and she basically said I have OCD but that’s it
@ck99 I get that. You decide your limits. Nothing wrong with that. Have a student who managed her ocd with meds, a friend who has it and is happy with her supportive bf and my mother who has it and is OK with Judy managing her compulsions every day. Nothings wrong with that. Only suggestion if you do just want to manage it is get the education to do so. Loads of info on here and the other users are amazing. Oh and I was in a similar mindset when I was a teen. Thought if I'd open up to a therapist they may out me away because they think I'd be a future serial killer, or get a priest to perform an exorcism 😂 none of that happened. Was worried for nothing
@Invalid Yes omg, I’m definitely worried and I can’t express everything because even thinking about mentioning this to people sounds insane. Thank you so much tho! I hope one day maybe I can look to more help when I can
Just *
I’m 21M and i believe i’ve had ocd for a lot of my life. I started researching ocd when i was either 16 or 17 because my intrusive thoughts were starting to get really loud and wouldn’t leave me alone. And they are still loud but never louder than before. I never talked to anybody about this until i brought it up to my fiance a month ago because my stress level was at an all time high. I don’t think she really understands because i haven’t went into detail about all my thoughts. Just bits and pieces of it. Anyways, i’ve been stressing about my past intrusive thoughts. I’m concerned on why i wasn’t as stressed as i am today. I was still stressed and had anxiety but i’m guessing i handled it better then. Today though, i’m stressing constantly. Like i never knew this app existed, i never watched videos on this condition or there were different subtypes until now, or i think i didn’t know. I remember back then i would research and research about this and have mental rituals but that was it. Like i wasn’t so stressed back then. Now, i just feel like i’m sick all the time. I’m just scared that my past intrusive thoughts were my true desires. I know they ain’t but how can i tell my brain that? I just wished i would have known more about this back then. I absolutely hate this and i don’t wish this on anybody
There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.
I don’t even know where to start because there’s so much going on in my head and it feels like there’s so much evidence for every thought. Like my ocd feels like it doesn’t just have one specific theme it’s honestly every theme and it just switches throughout the day depending on the thoughts I have. This started all about a month ago, this whole ocd flare up. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd for about 3 years now and looking back on my childhood, I feel like I’ve had it for probably my entire life. My grandpa just recently died back in February and I feel like this whole ocd spiral is a result of dealing with grief especially because it didn’t even hit me for the whole month of April for some reason and things felt “normal”. But since this ocd flare up has started I’ve been constantly reviewing and revisiting my past, all my childhood memories and so many of them are terrifying which is weird because I never had a traumatic event hppen to me as a child. I feel like it’s always been “self-inflicted” trauma if that makes sense? My mind is telling me so many things related to so many topics like maybe I liked my family member as a kid and have just hid it to fit in with society? That my anxiety as a kid has caught up with me and I’m turning into a psychopath? That I’ve always been a creep and enjoyed looking at peoples privates or chests, etc but just ignored or allowed the thought this whole time. Also before this whole flare up I remember always feeling on autopilot and not really alive like everything I did I just felt numb about it. Which aids my ocd to tell me that these feelings are real and the thoughts are true and that I’m “waking up” or realizing or something. I haven’t felt such intense anxiety and distress since I was a kid and I didn’t even understand my own thoughts. It’s like I’m either hyper aware or totally unaware of what’s going on around me and it gets me thinking about my existence, personality, what my role in life is and like genuinely what I’m even doing in the moment like what’s the reason behind everything. I’m constantly questioning my intentions because I don’t know if they’re true or not and it’s like my ocd doesn’t even allow me to consider the thought it just jumps to conclusion. Like telling me I’m guilty before proven innocent. It honestly feels like so much at once to even simply call it ocd or anxiety because it feels like a crisis and any moment I could spiral and breakdown completely. Going to school everyday feeling like anytbing could trigger a panic attack at any moment makes me feel like I can’t be left alone with my thoughts. And like overall since I got down this rabbit hole, my first obsession was harm to myself, then it was harm to others specifically my family, then it was being a pervert or pedo, or being attracted or someone or something I shouldn’t be, which then makes me question my existence and who I am along with also being hyper aware of my facial movements like my eyebrows, nose, etc. Like why does ocd have to involve itself in every aspect of my life? It feels like there’s always something wrong that I need to fix.
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