Can't get over people who were terrible to me

I’ve posted this under a comment before, but if anyone has the time to read it and maybe share their experience or tips with me, I would really appreciate it. This is just kind of the reason why Idk if I only have OCD or if I should get checked for BPD aswell as emotional dependency is (as far as I know) not a common symptom of OCD and neither are excessive changes in emotions/moods. I think the worst part my situation is that one of my biggest and most damaging if not destructive obsessions I developed earlier this year was this constant fear that my friend would lie to me about meeting up with a boy she liked (we are both girls and queer, she didn’t know that about me until recently, but I’ve known that she is and we both sort of crushed on each other). Not just lie, but do it behind my back, keep it a secret, and then maybe even end our friendship without saying anything. And the thing is... that basically happened. Two weeks ago she started acting strange one day out of nowhere, and then I found out (through another friend) that he was coming over to her place. We had already talked about this before, I had cried in front of her and confessed how much it hurt me. I know doing that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but my emotions completely overwhelmed me in that moment. And even though nothing physical happened between them, it still felt like a betrayal. I’m not saying it was cheating, obviously not, we’re not in a relationship and it is unfair of me to try and tell her who or not to date, but it still hurts. Especially as weeks ago, we already had a detailed conversation about this. She told me she didn’t actually like him that much, and that if they were going to meet again, she’d be honest with me about it. But instead of being honest that day, she said nothing. Worse, she suddenly stopped talking to me, which made me think I had done something wrong so I completely lost my mind. She knows I’m emotionally dependent on her to some extent, so when she goes cold or distant, I spiral. And that day, I saw them talking and going quiet as I walked by, and then she literally turned to walk into a different direction. I don’t know why but it just crushed me. I thought she was mad at me, and I just felt like I was being shut out and lied to. And as I’ve mentioned, later that day, after eight hours of crying, another friend told me what really happened. She even drove me to her place so we could talk. We did talk, but since then, we haven’t had any contact. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. She told me it would be “people-pleasing” if she didn’t try to date him. And I know she’s kind of right, but she still lied to me. She didn’t care if that meant that she would throw away our friendship, or at least she treated it like it was worth less than a potential (!) relationship with a guy who, as far as I know, didn’t even respond when she told him she had feelings for him. It’s honestly devastating. I feel betrayed, discarded, and totally lost and I know I can’t even logically be mad at her as the reason she didn’t tell me is obvious and as a good friend I should just be happy for her, but my emotional side is so much stronger than my logic.

When I was 5, I met my best friend in kindergarten. Ever since, she had not really been allowing me to hang out with other kids because she wanted me all for herself, which I thought was cute at the time, but then she also began completely leaving me for another friend whom she'd become obsessed eith, and when she got bored of them, she'd then come back to me. Many times she's insult me, but if I ever dared say she's even doing something wrong she'd get mad. I always had to do what she wanted, and every time I said no and wanted to do something she'd barge into my bedroom (because this was mostly in my house when we used to play), slam the door, and throw things at me when I came in to talk. Once, I found a horseshoe (I can't remember if I was with her or if I told her about it?) but anyways I was the one who found it, and she demanded I give it to her. I told her no because I loved it and wanted it and I found it, and she told me that if I didn't give it to her she would h**ng me with it. I didn't even know what that meant but I knew it meant something terrifying. I also began developing OCD around 8 and she and basically everyone made fun of me because I had a lot of physical compulsions and they reanacted my compulsions, and for that I always felt stupid and weird. I began to hide my compulsions, only doing them when no one was watching or when I was alone. I normalised it all by the time I turned 13, but my relationship had gotten so bad with her that I was actually absolutely terrified of going to her house to hang out, and for her birthday, she invited me out with another friend she hung out with. They ONLY spoke about things they were interested in like books and that's fine, but they knew that I wasn't interested in that stuff at all and asked me "Why don't you talk?" Like always, I felt left out because the only time my ex bsf spoke to me was when she embarrassed me in front of the other friend. Anyways I couldn't take it anymore that summer and stopped talking to her because I just couldn't do it anymore. Thoughout those years (and now still) I've been using Maladaptive Daydreaming SEVERELY every day to cope. I remember it reached the point where I would be actually talking to them in my head, like using my tongue to talk as if I was speaking physically but not opening my mouth or letting out any noise so nobody thinks I'm weird if that makes any sense, and I'd just be listening to music ALL day and pace for hours and hell, my OCD began targeting my MD, which was LITERALLY the thing my brain was using in order to protect my brain from loneliness AND OCD which os crazy lol, but I feel so stupid because I feel like with the MD i should've just sucked it up and changed fandoms instead of letting my OCD keep targeting the characters of the fandom I was Daydreaming to, even though I would spend days feeling physically hot, head and thoughts spinning, overanalyzing the game I daydreamed to over and over again to make sure that the character I roleplayed as was loved by the other characters that brought me comfort. I was so obsessed with the characters and the Daydreaming that it probably became the only thing that made me feel genuinely understood and loved and they were in my very own head! Does what happened even count as trauma lol? It feels kinda stupid cus it was just a childhood friend being a kid like yea sure she was toxic, but I never hated her. My parents loathe her because of this, but I feel like I'm just over exaggerating everything and don't want to be saying that this girl has traumatised me because I don't want to be blaming someone for something severe.

TW for content I just recently had to leave an online “friend group” of 4 years. I felt completely justified for it, but part of me mourns and even cries thinking about everything back. For years, we made characters, wrote stories, laughed over calls; I truly thought they were my friends. And they even cared for me. I saw their faces, they introduced me to their lives. It really felt like my own friend group. Then suddenly, my POCD and morality fears came up due to content one of them was posting. Now, this person posted a lot of suggestive stuff, which was fine with me since we’re all adults. But some thing I started questioning, for example furry material, but in the end, I thought it was just me. It was fiction, and they said they were completely against abuse, and never had any sort of immoral attraction. Yet, it started to get worse. I was losing sleep, I was crying, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was happening. I was so sure who I was talking to was a bad person. Every fear I had, they had an explanation, but I would just keep finding more. The day came where I couldn’t take it anymore, and invited them to a call, where I apologized. And they said, “That’s okay, I forgive you. I’ve been accused of being a pedophile multiple times.” That broke me. Excuse me? What do you MEAN multiple times? I questioned them on this, they said it happened “probably once every 3 months”, that “I don’t know why, I guess it’s because I’m a furry and I’m into things kids like?” Even THEN, I STILL felt like I wanted to believe them. It was accusations; what was I supposed to do about that? And furries did get a lot of hate. Yet, I still avoided them. The final straw was when I went through their art page favorites and found pictures of a character (basically a parody of slenderman that was specifically meant to be sexual) interacting with a child. That was it. I couldn’t justify it anymore. I gave the info to the other members. The results after? One blocked me. One said I was “schizo-obsessive”, and the one I accused wrote a letter on their art page saying they were hurt and hoped I got help, telling me “those pictures are from when I was 16 and being edgy, they’re old” I left. I told one of them I was leaving, and that I wouldn’t be back. I cried the whole night. I look back at characters I can’t use anymore, stories thrown in the garbage. The video game we bonded over is so hard to look at now because it reminds me of them. But, I feel justified. It had gone too far, in my opinion; I couldn’t have let that slide. Those pictures, the accusations, the constant question. And I’ll never know if I was right or wrong, but they were just that: people online. And I regret ever making a connection. It still hurts, and I wish I could just let it go. I don’t want to go back to them, I can’t. I can’t risk talking to bad people. But the hurt is still there.