I am not really sure what I feel right now, I feel extremely disatached from my body 247 and nothing ever feels “real” to me. My therapist said it seems I’m suffering from “derealisation”. And it’s really scary because I constantly feel like I’m floating on a bubble and I’m not sure if one day I’m gonna wake up and feel “normal” and “alive” or if I’m going to wake up and it’s all going to be one big dream and I’ll have absolutely nothing. I keep stressing that my partners going to leave me or somethings going to happen to him and I really don’t know why! He asks me why I’m so snappy and sad recently and I just do not know why. I just snap back and I’m terrified he’s going to leave me. I just don’t know why I can’t just let him in.. Things are really really difficult lately and I’ve been having some dark thoughts that I haven’t thought in a long time, I’m just absolutely so scared that I’m going to die and I can’t accept the fact that one day I’m going to die and my mum is and my partner etc etc ... but it keeps me up most nights, I can never just sit back and relax. I’m constantly on my feet doing things trying to distract my mind and it’s so so hard. I’m struggling a lot with my body image, fear of being poisoned & feeling as though people are watching and listening to me through my phone and that there’s stashed cameras in my house. My ocd is getting worse and I just don’t know what’s wrong with me but all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep for a little while and maybe wake up and feel somewhat a sense or normality. I’m such a mess.

Contamination OCD

Logan123

Date posted: 5y

Oh wow I am terribly sorry that you feel this way :( it breaks my heart to hear that you are going through a terrible time. I myself have suffered with depersonalisation and existential problems, each at different stages which made it easier on me. But it sounds like it's all built up on you. I'm not a therapist ahaha, but hopefully you hearing that there is hope for you and everyone will give you that strength you need. Listen, I know it seems like you're in a dark tunnel, that you actually have no idea how to get out and what life even felt like before. This feeling is so familiar to me, but when you get out and start to feel normal again it's like it was there the whole time, on the other side of a flipped coin in your mind. It's all states. Think of this as a state, this isn't your permanent thinking pattern or way of life - it's a state of mind. We all shift between states and the thing we can be certain about Is they always change so theres no need to be scared. The anxiety of losing your loved ones - in a wierd twisted way - should calm you. Perhaps you've been feeling like you're not real but you can be sure you are - as you still worry about the love in your life.

Jaclogo

Date posted: 5y

The reason why you feel that is because you are too stressed out your body's natural way or protecting its self is running away.

Jaclogo

Date posted: 5y

The reason why you feel that is because you are too stressed out your body's natural way or protecting its self is running away. Bye. Okay.

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