HELP I THINK IVE CHEATED

me, work friend, and attractive coworker were sitting in lunch room on our break. my friend poked me in the side and i jumped because it tickled. attractive coworker was amused by this so he did it to me a couple times. when he did it to me, i secretly got aroused. i ended up poking him back. i didnt get aroused by doing it to him but i feel i shouldnt have done that at all. he did it to me a few times more over the next couple months. i did it too, i didn't think too much of it because it was something playful everyone did to everyone any ways even amongst same sex. but i shouldn't have done it at all because of the mild thrill i sometimes got when he did it to me HELP I think ive cheated and need to confess to bf. it was just pokes in the side and i do it to friends any way but in retrospect i shouldnt have done it to him.

ukolibed

Date posted: 1y

I know you’ll want an answer to your question confirming that you haven’t cheated. I’ve been (and still am there) in that boat. My OCD journey started with similar thoughts and slowly led to false memory. And I can almost 100% say that it went down that rabbit hole so far because I didn’t take in account my values and what’s important to me. Please - when you have a thought and want to know you’ve not done anything bad, don’t try to answer that. ‘Trust’ in your values and what’s honestly important to you. That matters SO much more than knowing whether what you’ve done is inherently bad or not. It’s so hard in the moment but it never ends with one ‘confession’/reassurance seeking, it will keep and keep going. Fight it I promise it’s worth it

ntoto

Date posted: 1y

i am so worried though, wouldnt my boyfriend deserve to know that i cheated? what if the whole relationship is a lie. i don't know what to do...

ukolibed

Date posted: 1y

@ntoto I know you will be. And I am too. The reply you’ve just sent there are the thoughts that go round my head most days. But it is just text book OCD. I can almost promise you that even if you ‘confess’ this to your partner and you have OCD, there will be another ‘event’ your OCD will latch onto and will want you to confess. It is never ending. We don’t need others to confirm our actions- we need to make our own judgement about our actions. In all honesty, the what ifs never go away - because they are just thoughts. But the importance we hold of them, can be changed. Can I ask- is this the first time you have ever felt the need to confess something which your brain has told you is cheating?

ntoto

Date posted: 1y

@ukolibed yes, this is far from the only thing ive been urged to confess

ukolibed

Date posted: 1y

@ntoto Then regardless of whether we choose not to carry on the pattern, you’ll probably recognise that there is one. But I know it’s easier said than done not acting on the thoughts. Each one seems to be the most important/outweighs all the others or makes your brain say ‘yea but this one is true’. But we thought that about all the thoughts before. We can choose to fight each thought as it occurs but it’s pointless and draining- as you know there will always be something else. Try to sit with the anxiety and accept the what ifs

matchalover123

Date posted: 25w

freaking out think i cheated

last night one of my friend groups guy friends came over just to hang out and ended up staying until 1 am. idk if i’m just overthinking but i think he was being a little too nice to me like trying to flirt. like he was staring at me quite a bit and at one point he said “you have really nice eyes i really like your eyes”. which was a nice compliment sure but it made me feel very weird. he also ALWAYS hugs me and my friends when he leaves and for some reason my brain thinks that if i touch a man more than a first bump im cheating. ik it’s not so i try to give him a high five or let him hug me without freaking out but i literally feel like i cheated. idk if it’s just my rocd trying to convince me i cheated or that i like him or something but i’ve been freaking out abt it. i was literally talking abt my bf the whole time (just incase he was trying to flirt so he’d know i didn’t want/like it). at one point he also asked if we saw something on his snapchat story and i was like oh i don’t have you on snap and he seemed very excited to add me but i told him no bc it feels disrespectful to snap guys other than my bf. he was also touching us a lot like he’d rest his arm on me to show me and my friends a video and i just let it happen bc he might not have meant it but i was freaking out everytime he touched me bc i felt like it was cheating. he wasn’t really doing it to any of my other friends. idk if it’s just my ocd or if it’s actually wrong but i tend to keep my guy friends at an arms length bc it feels wrong to get super close to a man who isn’t my bf and i feel like this guy is crossing the line. am i just overthinking and should try sitting with my anxiety or should i say something? idk if im just being dramatic

Dalia H.

Date posted: 24w

Internally cheating vs externally innocent?

I have confessed to my partner multiple times about a person who is kind of on the fringes of our social circle who I have a crush on. I told him that I fantasized about this person and scrolled through his social media out of curiosity to learn more about him. My partner reassured me multiple times basically that as long as my actions aren’t physically cheating, I am free to do whatever I want in my own head and fantasize. He said he’s had his own crushes too at his workplace and he fantasized about them. We both agreed that it’s okay. He told me to stop fixating so much on intentions and internal cheating and realize that my physical actions are all that matter. This person happens to be in a Discord server with me, my partner, and like 15 other people. Whenever I speak in the server, I take great care to ignore this person’s messages and ONLY directly reply to other people’s. I take great care to ignore them, not give them any attention, and not give a single hint that I care about them at all. Even the times where they addressed me, I keep my responses to a minimum. However, 2 days ago I met him in person (he ended up coming to an event that we were having). I went to dinner after the event with the group of people that I normally go to dinner with, and the person came along. I don’t know if he was planning on going, but I could tell he felt excluded and I asked him if he was coming with us to dinner. I also sat next to him during a part of the dinner (it was a fast food place and we went with a group of 10 people, all of which I am wayyyy closer to). I was ignoring him for the most part, but at one point I did ask him if he liked this place and I made normal small talk with him. I am worried that I cheated because I admittedly did have certain thoughts like: - I felt excited to sit next to him. - I was hoping I looked good. However, I intentionally didn’t shave my mustache that night because I didn’t want to seem like I was just trying to look good for him. I knew the mustache would make me look worse, and I wanted to prove to myself that I was okay with looking worse and that I wouldn’t try to look good for him. - I did however wear my hair in a way that I often do, but sometimes don’t, and I did do this to look more appealing. I took very very good care to NOT give this person any special attention, to ignore him and talk to other people, but I am worried that sitting next to him intentionally was cheating.

anonymousgg

Date posted: 13w

is what i did unforgivable? TW s//al

About a year ago, I was travelling back home with my mom from a city. This is so embarrassing to admit, but after so many hours of travelling, I got aroused. However, I didn't want to let go of that feeling and wanted to save it for later when I got home. So I deliberately relaxed my body and began thinking about **something** (yes something like that) I would watch later. I also knew that it would make me have a very slight reaction **down there** for half a second because the bus would go up and down slight hills on a bumpy road, causing me to feel like I'm falling on a rollercoaster, but would also cause make me feel something down there for half a second. I did it another two times deliberately, knowing that obviously it wasn't anything much and definitely wasn't obvious at all since I wasn't even doing anything physically. Is what I did unforgivable? Keep in mind I willingly did it knowing it wouldn't look like i was doing anything

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HELP I THINK IVE CHEATED

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