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@es123 Thank you so much! I’ve heard that ERP and exposures have done wonders for people but they seem so scary. I’ve been kind of pushing them off because I’m scared of what if while doing the exposures I realize I like them and I realize I’m gay. It just seems so scary. Do you have any advice on how to not be scared.

@Anonymous2602 Im going through this too. Exposures really do help. They are scary but you can do scary things and can tolerate discomfort. I was scared too that exposures would make me realize the thoughts are true. Well you just have to accept that that’s possible and that you aren’t going to have certainty about it.

@Henry.Pullan Lately I have been obsessively thinking about what if I am gay and it’s causes so much anxiety and caused me to be down a lot. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared that I might be gay when all I want and all I’ve ever wanted was to be straight. Do you have any tips on how to stop the pain or at least ease it a little? P.S. my name is Henry too lol.

@Anonymous2602 Hey that’s neat! Well, it’s great to talk to you, Henry! :) Ok, so you’re worried that you might be gay? Think about a ship. A good cargo ship needs lots of fuel for long journeys right? In the journey of our life, the type of fuel we put in our tank is what runs our engine. The quality of the fuel matters though. If we feed low quality thought fuel into the engine of our brain, it can cause our brain to run erratically or shut down. So let me ask you this: First, is there anything contributing to this fear or causing you to think this way? Negative experiences or otherwise? (If it’s too personal, you don’t have to share)

@Henry.Pullan Great analogy! No not really. I’m not homophobic in any way and would never resent someone for being gay or whatever. My parents are fully supportive of whatever I choose to be/do in life so that’s no an issue either. I just have a fear of being gay for some reason. Maybe because I think it’s disgusting (not that I think it’s wrong) but I felt like I was totally straight before all this started. Thanks for reaching out!

@Anonymous2602 No problem! You seem like a great guy, bro👍 Maybe your fear of being gay is your inner self telling you what your true desire is in regards to relationships. The mind is a beautiful creation, but it can also tend to distort or trick us into believing or accepting something out of thin air without taking time to properly consider an alternative. I struggle with “what if” thoughts as well. You seem troubled by the “what if I’m gay” thought. Well, maybe a good way to counter that thought is to use the “what if” thoughts against themselves. Fight fire with fire. Instead of obsessing over the fear of “what if I’m gay” start thinking “what if I’m not” instead. This can help train your brain to recognize other possibilities and limit your obsessive compulsion over any particular fear you may encounter. And what if you’re not gay? Have you tried gone on any dates with girls lately? (If not, it’s ok. I understand how hard it can be to get dates these days)

@Henry.Pullan That’s a great idea! I’ll for sure try it out. I think your right about this thing being more of a distortion than anything. It feels more like a virus in my brain than something that I actually want. You’re a great dude Henry. We need more people in the world like you. (Sadly no dates or relationships yet :( that’s part of the reason why this all started in the first place)

@Anonymous2602 Thanks Henry! Same to you! Also, did you say that since you haven’t had any luck with dates is what started this? Do you think that’s where the distortion began? Maybe that could be what filled your thought tank with the bad fuel that’s affecting your engine performance now. Just because you haven’t been in any dates doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay. Whenever someone isn’t having great luck with relationship stuff it deals a big blow to their confidence. Maybe what you’re feeling isn’t gayness. Maybe you’re just feeling more accepted and appreciated by your guy friends than girls and that’s what’s making you feel like you’re gay. (Which might not be the case at all!) Maybe what you’re feeling is just a desire to hang out with your guy friends. Just a normal hangout. Like guys do. Not romantic or anything. Just a plain, good ol fashioned hangout.

@Henry.Pullan I think you could be right about that to a certain degree. I have friends that are girls and I definitely think girls are pretty/attractive, it’s just I’ve never been in an intimate relationship with any of them. My OCD has latched on to some of my friends and made me think I’m attracted to them but that normally ends in a few days. My OCD first started when I saw a picture of a guy on social media and a random thought popped in my mind “he’s attractive” and I went crazy trying to find out what in the world this means. The lack of female interaction definitely didn’t help with that. Deep down I know I’m not gay it’s just my OCD keeps convincing me that maybe I am even if it makes zero sense. Thank you so much for talking to me about this. 😁

@Anonymous2602 Hey no worries man! :) See? It may just be some bad fuel in your thought tank. You don’t necessarily have to have an intimate relationship with a girl to be attracted to them. Intimate relationships come with time as you get to know the girl. I’ve been on lots of dates with girls but I’ve never had a intimate relationship with any of them. I prefer to wait until marriage for that part of my relationship with a girl to unfold. And also, in regards to you seeing the picture of that guy and thinking he was attractive: That’s normal. Everyone has thoughts like that sometimes. But remember: intrusive thoughts may not always reflect accurate desires or truth. Try asking some girls out, man. See if it helps. I bet there’s a lot of girls who would totally be down to go out with you! Stay strong, bro👍 I’ll be praying for you.