I have been in a relationship for 3 years, almost 4 now, and I hate my intrusive thoughts. I have always had them since the relationship began, and now we have been making decisions like signing leases and planning vacations since we moved for college. I hate having the intrusive thoughts, I constantly worry that we will break up. Every time there’s a small argument I shut down because I’m just waiting for him to tell me it’s over. I don’t know why I get these thoughts, we are in such a good relationship, and he is the closest person I have ever had to me, we are best friends. Every time I think of the future he is always in it no matter what, our families love both of us, and we never even have big arguments. I will shut down though and blame it on him and then get depressed, and he feels guilty so he will try to make me happy and I ignore it just because I want to see how far he’ll go. It sucks, I hate being like that, I hate having constant thoughts that he doesn’t love me when he has never proven otherwise. When we sign leases I make up excuses so that we only sign the shortest lease possible because I’m scared we will break up in the time being. I don’t ever want to plan vacations because I’m scared we will break up before that time comes. I constantly think about how if he breaks up with me what all I will take (money, car, etc.) and how I can do it the fastest so I can be gone in seconds. I love him so much though, and the thought of even being without him kills me. But i’m so scared of the future, and the thoughts make it where we don’t have that many happy times anymore and we can’t enjoy things because I just get so moody from the thoughts and have these accusations in my head that aren’t even real. I do the same thing with my religious views, I constantly try to question God and whether he’s real, and I get so angry at myself. That’s how I’ve come to realize lately that my thoughts don’t need to control my life, because I believe in God with all my heart and still have thoughts like that. I try to not believe my thought, but it’s so hard to push the thoughts out, and I go spiraling. It doesn’t help that I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD so I will push them out finally and 10 minutes I will be spiraling again and I forget that I was trying to push them out until I’ve already upset myself.