living in my own house is almost unbearable

this is going to be a bit of a vent and is also a bit gross, so please read at your own risk but if anyone has any advice id really appreciate it as i dont know what to do anymore. im 15 years old and currently live mainly with my mother, stepdad, brother and younger sister and go to my fathers house on the weekends with my brother. Please dont view this as me saying my family are filthy or anything, as thats not what i mean at all and i dont want this to come across as me throwing them under the bus. but my mother and stepdad have alot of unclean habits like not washing their hands after touching dirty things (e.g underwear or things like that) which means everything they touch = contaminated to me. i dont entirely blame them for this, since they both didnt have alot of money growing up and often didnt have soap or even toothpaste, but times are different now and i cant take it much more. this has gotten in the way of ALOT of things. i cant touch most things in the fridge because they touched it meaning i cant make food, sometimes i cant even eat the lunches my mom packs for me for school anymore, i cant touch alot of things in my room, i cant use my tv, i basically cant do anything. and around last year someone sat down on our sofa with no pants at all on (sounds really weird and gross i know) and i dont think they ever cleaned it after that so now i genuinley cannot touch anything on that couch or anything that has touched that couch which you can imagine makes my life very difficult because its our main sofa and they spend alot of time in the sitting room. i have a cat and she ofcourse is going to often go on the sofa because shes a cat, and while i do still play with her and love her all the same ofcourse, its really exhausting to have to wash my hands every single time i play with her or pet her and not be able to use my phone and other things while doing so. she never really goes into my room or specifically onto my bed, but today she did and she sat on my phone and walked on my pillow and my charger and i had to scrub my phone with 2 types of soap since we didnt have any anti bacterial wipes left and i still dont feel as if its clean and i dont know what im going to do tonight when going to sleep. i know this may sound bizarre but my life has genuinley become so difficult to the point where i dont know what to do or how im going to continue on with this everyday. i feel way more comfortable and relaxed at my fathers house because none of those problems are there but i dont know how my mother would react if i asked her if i could stay there, or if i even could because of how id get to and from school everyday. but i feel like she would be hurt and may not understand and i dont even know if he would say yes. and also his lease says that he cannot have pets, and i dont want to leave my cat behind. my mother is aware that i think i have ocd (i know i have it but to her she just thinks im thinking about it) and we are currently on the waiting list for camhs, yet she doesnt understand it at all and i have yet to have a conversation with her about how it actually affects my life everyday. i know this is lengthy but im so unbelievably exhausted and i really dont know what to do. any help or reply is appreciated ^_^

Contamination OCD

0045

Date posted: 1y ago

i heavily relate to this. though it’s no longer as intense as what you’re experiencing, i’ve had so many days where i’ve had breakdowns over the state of my house and had to go on some sort of rampage to clean everything because it felt i couldn’t even Breathe in an area where i could feel all the germs and dirt on my skin it’s still in the same condition, but i’ve managed to find at least some peace within my desk area because i know it’s kept clean and i’m the only one who uses it and therefore isn’t contaminated i cant offer much help, but i do want you to know that you aren’t alone—this is a completely understandable approach to your situation and i know you’ll be able to push past it!

malolin_21

Date posted: 16w ago

Hey:) I just want to vent

I’m feeling kind of sad cause today was not a really good day in terms of my ocd. I was feeling kind of foggy/numb and that send me to spiraling. I’m 21 years old currently studying but my family has been having trouble with money for the last couple years(we’re just me and my mom) and I kinda want to get a job but everything is far from my home and I wouldn’t be able to return back at night, also it’s either way more expensive to move or the schedule wouldn’t let me take my classes. The point is that because of that every time my mom is stress tends to treat me bad, she speaks to me like I’m stupid or she just screams to nothing cursing all life and everything and that actually makes me feel soo bad and guilty for not doing anything, I know it’s hard for me to get a job that actually helps us without quitting school but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m a burden. I want to help, I want to maybe hug her or something but I know she will be angrier and probably will reject it. So that’s it, I just feel like she punishes me for the stress she’s carrying and I get it but one day is happy and it feels like all love and the next is treating me like that, Idk it’s hard (also I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this cause it’s all my fault) 🫤

Jack03

Date posted: 14w ago

Is this OCD?

Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.

misereri

Date posted: 11w ago

Someone to talk to?please?

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?

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living in my own house is almost unbearable

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