Trying to recover

so my intruisve thoughts have been more quieter, and not rumiating and do far less compulsions and far less time of doing compulsions. However the false attraction and the thoughts are still there and feel very real and impactful. Like my mind likes to call me gay and it feels very real but i feel zero distress or anxiety and when it calls me gay or something like that, it feels like the truth and ive become ok with it, but i dont want to be gay, according to what im typing. I tried to respond to it as,"this too shall pass," or,"just intrusive thoughts" but it feels like im lying to myself when im saying that now im doubting my own intrusive thoughts. And false attraction still feels real like im numb to it.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 1y

Hey I'm on a similar stage of my OCD, glad to know I'm not alone

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Im so glad im not the only one, this must be HOCD still than

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I hope so

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I just felt so much false atraction on tik tok, at least I hope it's false, sometimes I can't even tell it apart from the real one

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Nicolas:) - feel this 100 percent. like its this hyper fixation that i get weird feelings that i dont know how to explain, not sexual or romantical, but like physical

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Yeah exactly, for me is like I'm fixated on the face and there's some feeling there I can't shake

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Nicolas:) - fr man, well this shows us that this must be HOCD still than

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - I hope so man, but sometimes I feel so tired that I just thing about giving it and come out or just accept it, and sometimes I even feel relieve or something

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - Every time I said "I'm not into men" I just remenber all the times this false atraction happened to me and I just feel like I'm lying about not liking men

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Nicolas:) - yeah i get that urge too. But man I refuse to be gay, I dont hate gay people or anything like, but I speciaflly dont want to be gay.

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Yeah me neither, but to be honest that just makes it seem more like denial, I mean when I think it like that

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

What the HECK?

what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

SOCD false attraction

hey guys, i’m almost fully healed in my socd journey but what’s stopping me is the false atractions. i get them almost 24/7 at this point and to every thing. they feel real and i hate them they make me feel disgusted. they also make me feel like hot and gross but then i see people saying thats what attractions feel like, but i have felt so much attraction to the opposite gender pre all of this and it felt nice and enjoyable not digustinf. i’m also getting false memory trying to show me ‘signal’ from my childhood to prove i’m gay amd i truly don’t know if they’re real. it’s so degrading and at this point i feel like govining up. pelesse if you have any advice or even if your going through the same thing just let me know. ocd is so terrible

What is happ...

Date posted: 16w

Questions… I don’t want reassurance just advice

I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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