Checking / Comparing Feelings

I have dealt with ROCD for years, and I’m in a LDR. I get to the point where my partner does something nice for me, and I feel guilt instead of warmth or appreciation. Does anyone have advice for responses in real time when your OCD automatically asks you to check your feelings to see if you feel the same as your partner? For example: Partner: I miss you My thoughts: Do you miss him too? If you don’t right now, then it would be dishonest to say it back. But if you don’t say it back, he might think you don’t miss him. My response: I love you (avoiding saying I miss him if I don’t feel it in that moment) There are other more triggering moments as well, like when we are talking about the future and he expresses his excitement. I know I want our future together too, but right now I feel this fear like I am waiting to see if things work out first or the OCD goes away. So then I don’t know how to respond, as openness, affection, and honesty are all values of mine.

Relationship OCD

Username: Ambs KAmbs K

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

To add to this…responding with the same thing he says regardless of how I feel makes me feel fake, even if I know deep down I probably do feel that way, or feel that way generally even if not in that exact moment. Responding with something else I know is true but not similar to what he said or expressed makes me feel avoidant and half-in. Confessing my OCD feelings in that moment is compulsive. Not responding also feels avoidant.

Username: Honeyshark Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I hear you. ERP really helps with this and most of being OCD is having that cognitive dissonance of our feelings not matching up with our values.

Username: Lalala321Lalala321

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel the exact same way. Becoz of the thoughts I have I believe I’m betraying my boyfriend and my OCD convinces me I’m going to cheat on him or ruin our relationship in some way. Which distresses me a lot as I want to grow old with him. The guilt really does hit when he does something nice for me because I feel like I don’t deserve it coz I feel like one day I could let him down or maybe I’m not the person who thinks I am😞😫. Or if I say nice things or do nice things for him I ofc mean them but then my brain freaks like now you’ve done/said that you must make sure you never let him down and be true to your words/actions. Then the ‘what ifs’ will start and that’s just a long dark road.

Username: Lalala321Lalala321

Date posted: 1y ago

However most of my compulsions are mental and I try my best to mask my disorder from my loved ones and not get them involved. Which is just lonely but Ik in the long run it’ll just make things worse

Username: Manzanita Manzanita

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel this same way. What I usually do is acknowledge to myself that OCD is present in my head and do an erp (maybe I miss him or maybe I don’t, and then give ocd one of these 🖕 lol). In the moment I usually tell him I am experiencing ocd right now, and not delve into all that it encompasses. That way he is aware where I am coming from. I also have an issue with moral ocd and struggle with feeling like a liar if I am not completely honest. Therefore to combat it (as another erp) I will say something I know is true even though I don’t feel it in the exact moment because I know it is genuine to my own values and not ocd’s.

Username: Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

Need some advice/help

Social media is really kicking my butt. I keep seeing people who say "my SO loves me but I only like them" and the advice is to break up. I've been having trouble being into my feelings for most of my relationship and didn't realize it was ROCD until after it caused huge tension in my relationship (now repaired), but I still struggle to say "I love you" because it's hard for me to feel the strength in emotional connection that comes with love. Every time I get a negative thought about my bf or relationship, it just gets harder bc I feel like I only recognize negatives about him. He means so much to me and I adore him truly, but I don't understand why I'm struggling to feel it. Even when intimate, I just don't get it. It's like I'm kissing him, but my mind is elsewhere and I feel incredibly guilty. When we are talking, it feels like I'm bored and trying to focus even though it should come easy for someone you care to listen to and it makes me feel like I genuinely don't care for him which is false. I feel like dissociate sometimes because I'm there but just not present not really. I hear but don't listen. I'm forgetful. I am confused. Does anyone else have or has had this experience? What do you do? How do you fix it? Because at this rate, I'm just feeling like I'm making excuses for lack of feelings.

Relationship OCD

Username: Butterfly_23

Date posted: 2y ago

ROCD

General statement/question for anyone who can possibly relate: I've been struggling with ROCD for about 3 months now, the typical "do I actually love him", "what if I don't and I'm just leading him on", "why don't I feel connected any more, this must mean something is wrong with us", "planning the future makes me anxious because we might break up"...the list goes on. I've been especially struggling these past few days. I want a big future with this man and I've never second guessed it until all these intrusive thoughts have come into my life with a bang. I hate them. I feel so emotionally drained and incapable of enjoying the moments I have with him because I'm constantly thinking about the things missing. The fact I struggle to stay present. As we all probably know the age old reassurance after an anxiety inducing thought- I do this fairly often, googling my thoughts and why I'm feeling this way. I am so beyond exhausted. I know I want to marry this man and a future with him isn't scary, it's just significant moments that trigger me and suddenly I'm spiring into the OCD cycle again. I just want to know other people feel the same? I've been feeling so flat and disconnected from everyone, especially him which breaks my heart. I know I love him, so deeply - even writing that my brain said "are you sure you do?". I just want to see if other people experience ROCD similar to me. Thanks

Relationship OCD

Username: giuseppe

Date posted: 19w ago

i need advice on how to overcome rocd

hi there! so after i got together with my partner, i found out i have rocd :) it's excruciating and new to me, so i really have no idea how to fight it back. i constantly have thought regarding my feelings towards him bc what if i dont love him? what if I've been pretending all this time? what if i'm confusing love for something else? i also have a really hard time processing positive and happy feelings bc i usually get this punch in my gut, as if I'm not supposed to feel that good feeling (idk if you can relate). well that too makes me believe i dont love my partner and it's really really tiring because I can't stop doubting my feelings. yk how ocd is the doubt illness so I'm used to it, but i am so so so sure that i love him, I've never been so sure about something in my life and i literally doubt everything. but what if I'm just avoiding the truth, what if I won't admit to not love him bc i dont wanna hurt him? who knows anyways it's really exhausting and i could really do some advice. thank you in advace :)

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Checking / Comparing Feelings

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