[Deleted]
- Date posted
- 2y
BigGyro09BigGyro09
- Date posted
- 1y
Hi. I don't know if you're still on NOCD or not but I'm sorry that this has happened to you and I'm sorry that porn has been such a problem for you in life. I read that you were not longer watching any porn when you turned 21 and to that I have to say congratulations. It's a very hard thing to stop doing and it's also hard to replace with something else. I'm 22 and I struggle with porn on and off and the more I relapse back to it, the more I see content on YouTube pushing suspicious videos such as playlists that have literal children in it that have both to do with what I search. It's genuinely disgusting. I also make it a hassle to know the age of performers so that they aren't underaged because they almost always look underaged to me but at the same time they don't. Once I see that they are much older than I am, then my worries stop a bit. There was one lady that was 30 but then her face looked very youthful and even while knowing her age, it still kind of bothered me but I tried to just not focus on that kind of thought. Overall, it's not worth it watching this stuff because of the chances of seeing something really messed up in search results, no matter how specific, and how it affects me after it's over. It gets so bad that it actually messed with my sleep. Again, I'm glad that you stopped watching this stuff. Have you gotten a therapist? I hope you've been doing better as of now
andrea_sam730andrea_sam730
- Date posted
- 1y
@BigGyro09 Whattt?!!! I need help help help pls help :(
andrea_sam730andrea_sam730
- Date posted
- 1y
@BigGyro09 I would search girls kissing and I swear they looked a lot more older :( and I’m worried what if they were minors instead bc I’ve been on YouTube i don’t there was ever a time where I saw children but now I’m freaking out bc what if those adults were actually MINORS NOW WTF I’m losing I’ve been so sad lately I thought YouTube didn’t allow this
liliesinbloomliliesinbloom
- Date posted
- 2y
I think that I did touch myself to a gif with someone in a uniform or something I remember seeing it I don’t want to be a p word please
RedknightRedknight
- Date posted
- 2y
I think I can help. First, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Stay calm. What worries you most about this situation you’re dealing with?
liliesinbloomliliesinbloom
- Date posted
- 2y
@Redknight I’m so worried because even if the characters are fictional if they represent someone who is underaged I don’t want to have seen that. I’m very worried because I really really don’t want to be a predator.
RedknightRedknight
- Date posted
- 2y
@bloominglotus Did you know that they were underage when you started looking at them? Looking at Hentai doesn’t necessarily make you a predator.
liliesinbloomliliesinbloom
- Date posted
- 2y
@Redknight I didn’t look up underage characters, I just looked up hentai and I didn’t specifically try to seek out characters that looked underage, I only remember cbeing interested in characters that looked like they were older, but I think that I saw gifs of a character in a school uniform and the fact that I have a memory of that is making me feel really worried and defeated because I feel like I don’t understand why I would have looked at that. Regardless of if I wasn’t specifically seeking it out and if it’s a fictional character it’s gross. I don’t watch any kind of porn now but it doesn’t matter because that doesn’t make me a better person if I ever saw that. I don’t want to make any excuses and I feel like I’m doing that.
RedknightRedknight
- Date posted
- 2y
@bloominglotus I understand. Well, idk if this helps, but I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to think you’re a predator just because you searched up some hentai thinking that the people in it were older because they looked older. Looking up hentai and porn isn’t probably the best thing to do, but it doesn’t make you a predator. It was an innocent mistake. Let it go. It’s normal to want to go back and change the past, but we can’t. We can only look towards the future. Do you feel like you’ve learned and grown a lot as a person since your hentai incident?
liliesinbloomliliesinbloom
- Date posted
- 2y
@Struggler Thank you, I hope you’re right. I really don’t want to be this person. I’m hoping to find a therapist soon, but it’s just hard not to worry about everything constantly. I can’t not worry about it because it feels like I’m just looking to get out of trouble.
liliesinbloomliliesinbloom
- Date posted
- 2y
@Redknight Thank you. I do feel like I have learned and grown a lot. I have a lot of worry and remorse, but I have realized how harmful it is and how harmful porn in general is. It’s not something I have any desire to go back to. I just want to focus on making better choices and I truthfully want to be a good person. I’m hoping I can seek therapy soon even if I’m scared.
RedknightRedknight
- Date posted
- 2y
@bloominglotus Definitely get therapy, but know that you already have changed for the better. You now know that porn is bad because of your experience with it and want to make better choices now. That is admirable! I’m sure you are a better person than you think you are right now.
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