- Date posted
- 1y
Hocd
I keep getting intrusive thoughts of the word "boyfriend" and intrusive thoughts of being in denial constantly... what do i do... š
I keep getting intrusive thoughts of the word "boyfriend" and intrusive thoughts of being in denial constantly... what do i do... š
I have been dealing with sexual orientation ocd since I was about 12. I'm am 42 now. It is the most debilitating thing I have been through. It used to last for a year or so, but now it might last a week and be gone for a year or 2. It just depends how strong my brain is. I just now found a counselor that specializes in all ocd. I'm really hopeful about. All I can say right now is not to give up.
Hey, I see you post quite often and it seems, that you deal with a lot of anxiety. Are you getting professional help or are you doing erp?
@Fragile I cant afford it sadly...
@Givenup Oh I see, I am very sorry to hear. Maybe there are some online therapy groups or self-therapy books. I read āBrain Lockā and it is about Ocd and how to cope with it. You can also do erp on your own :) it is scary but worth a try! :)
@Fragile Thank you...
@Fragile Its been a very difficult 3 years...
@Givenup I understand, Iāve also been dealing with soocd/hocd for 3 1/2 years now and sometimes I wonder if it will ever get better and if my life is even worth living anymore. But when I have good episode I see how great life can be and that I wont let ocd destroy it. We have the power to get our life back! It is just very very hard and exhausting
@Givenup Iāve been taking Johannis Herbs for over a month and I noticed a significant change in my mental health. It strengthens the nerves etc. Maybe you can try something like that. Ashwaganda should also work great
It seem you come here quite often to get reassurance. I believe you should try to reduce your compulsions step by step, so your brain can loosen a bit. You wonāt find out wether youāre gay or not by ruminating, seeking reassurance or checking. Try to accept the uncertainty. I believe it must be really painful for you, i have the same ocd theme as you! It is tiring! I believe in you :)
Iāve been seeing a therapist for a while now and I donāt struggle with sexual identity OCD but what she would probably tell me is accept that as a possibility and move on the more you try to answer the question the more the intrusive thoughts will be at the forefront once you start answering the question with āmaybe maybe notā youāll eventually start to feel more comfortable with that fear
Like I canāt think straight. This is making me doubt everything Iāve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I donāt. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go āoh so you like it you must be gayā or the other one where Iām not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that Iāve had my whole life and my mind goes āsee now youāre not into them youāre gayā like itās so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or āa thing of the pastā. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and itās so weird. Today Iāve spent my whole day thinking about it like Iāve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just wonāt let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
I donāt know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i havenāt got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they donāt bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and thatās what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
Iāve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHHš My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and itās SO annoying cause I genuinely donāt want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I canāt wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random āproofā I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. Iāve educated myself about arousal non concordance / childās play, but it still doesnāt remove the HOCD. Iāve read therapists great explanations on how itās not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically Iāve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. Iāve had some moments where I havenāt done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I donāt want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do yāall deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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