Is it normal to feel calm love instead of anxiety in a relationship?

is this normal?

Hello, im Non binary [They/Them] and my boyfriend [I will call him V] goes by He/Him ❤️ ive never been diagnosed with OCD, but ive done my research and it makes the most sense with what i feel Ok, so im a young adult and so is my boyfriend. the only types of relationships ive been in are either abusive, toxic, or where im very anxious all of the time. With my boyfriend now, we have argued like every couple does, but i dont feel those anxious things i did with my ex, and it makes me anxious i dont love him somehow. i dont feel that heavy feeling in my chest or that feeling i got in my head when i think of my boyfriend V. i know i love V, but i get scared that since i dont get those intense feelings, that i dont. i get this soft feeling instead with him, and feel this calmness im not used to. is this normal? of course he makes me blush too, giggle, etc. but i still get scared i dont love him somehow. please help 🙏 sometimes these thoughts escalate, and it makes me really upset bc i really love my boyfriend, and want us to last a really long time (we've known eachother 8 years, but started dating almost a year ago) bc he makes me so happy, but im scared. ive started to say "If i dont love him, ill fall back in love with him. if i do love him, my love for him will continue to grow" but even that makes me anxious. im scared and love my boyfriend so much, but dont want it to be fake and hurt his feelings. is this normal?

Relationship OCD

Username: user3999754user3999754

Date posted: 46w ago

I feel this too 🤍 i have always thought true love brings calm, security, safeness + softness. I think we get this confused with the burning passionate desire we feel in unhealthy relationships. It sounds like you feel safe with your partner.

Username: Lovely.Venus<3Lovely.Venus<3

Date posted: 46w ago

this helps a lot. he makes me feel really safe, even when he is angry. he is so gentle, kind, patient, but most of all he is such an understanding sweetheart. even when he is angry, he will do everything he can to listen to how i feel about what we are arguing about (i do these things for him too, but past relationships, i never spoke about how i felt bc it felt like i wasnt allowed to)

Username: SadUnicorn3 🦄SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 46w ago

Maybe the fact that your past relationships have been abusive and toxic that is why you felt so anxious… maybe it’s because your current bf is right for u and doesn’t abuse you makes you feel calm when you’re arguing because it’s normal arguing? If that even makes sense. That doesn’t mean you don’t love him, that is actually maybe a good sign, that you don’t feel SO scared and anxious over arguments with your partner because they’re “normal arguments”. Idk if that even makes sense. Hope you understand what I’m saying. I think that you know deep down you love your bf, because you’re scared of the thoughts that make you doubt that. Sometimes people who have come from abusive/traumatic relationships don’t feel they deserve love , or feel like the only love they can accept has to be sort of toxic, they’re so used to toxic they don’t understand what normal is. You will get there. Just try to remind yourself of these things

Username: Ally1234$Ally1234$

Date posted: 46w ago

Yes

Username: oliviak2305

Date posted: 2y ago

Is this ROCD or not? I continuously keep having doubts about my feelings for my boyfriend. I’ve never had this before with my previous relationships and it’s really upsetting because this is the first boy that’s actually treating me like how i deserve. I feel like i’m in a bubble when it’s to do with him. I feel like i can’t emotionally get to him or connect to him. Whenever I think about him or see photos of him i get anxious and stuff. I know i want to be with him forever and i panic about it going wrong. I’m scared i’m going to end up giving in to the doubts and end it😞Whenever i think about the future it makes me anxious, it’s like i’m turning my emotions off. I keep crying after being intimate with him and i don’t know why, i’m panicking it’s because i’m losing feelings for him. I look at other couples and ask myself why am i not like them, why am i not in love like them. They make it look easy and it’s making me doubt everything. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months and it’s amazing when i don’t have these horrendous doubts. He’s so patient with me and he loves me and worships the ground that I walk on yet and I still have these doubts. They came when our relationship started getting serious. I keep asking my friends and mum for reassurance if i love him and it’s making me so so sad. I feel like if i love him i shouldn’t be having these feelings. He’s not done anything wrong and i feel so guilty for it. Is this OCD or me? Plz help :(

Relationship OCD

Username: allie05

Date posted: 1y ago

relationship ocd

so a lot of the time i worry i don’t love him. but recently, i’ve been obsessing (losing sleep too) over if he doesn’t love me. i’m constantly worrying he’s not doing enough and he’s not right for me and it makes me so anxious i can barely breathe. is this normal???

Relationship OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Anyone relate (ROCD)

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(

Relationship OCD

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Is it normal to feel calm love instead of anxiety in a relationship?

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