Im back....

Ocd is like this bully that leaves you alone for a while and then come's back worse every time. This morning I just switched my tv on and for some reason I had this thought pop into my head that what if someone on the tv told me to harm someone... what if the ground is lava, man... I was doing so well last few weeks... then this. Worst thing is I feel alone in having these weird thoughts... feels like everyone's thoughts are normal or can atleast happen in reality while mine is totally out there... and I just started getting motivated again to enter modelling, now I'm scared AF is I can even do it with my mind always doing this shit.

Ive relapsed pretty hard with my anxiety and depression, and ocd thoughts. I was doing so well for months and just suddenly everything feels so hard again. This week has been extra hard, I haven't had much energy do to much at all. It's like I've forgotten all the ways to handle my thoughts. I don't think I'm looking for tips or anything I just want to write this and maybe talk to someone here. Anyone here who's in a similar situation?

I am adding a trigger warning, but I’ll still be mindful to censor. So I guess I would say I’m in a relapse. I was doing well (I think). I wasn’t having intrusive thoughts and I overcame a really hard theme. So for a few months I was doing pretty okay. My living situation and relationship took a huge hit and I guess I couldn’t handle the pressure idk. Anyway, one day I was trying to sleep and I got this intrusive thought about losing my mind I guess. Not being able to identify anything, speak, ect. Just being a blank mind or something. (I know, doesn’t my one ounce of sense to me either) Anyway, this really scared me, triggered me so badly that one of my old themes that I truly thought I had overcame came back. Not only did it come back, it sent me spiraling ( still am). It feels so much worse this time. And I’m struggling to overcome it. This thought: “how do we understand words?” And then it’s spirals into other thoughts related to this, but I’ll leave it at this. I can’t cope, my mind is hyper fixated on every word, not just mine. I can no longer watch tv comfortably, listen to conversations, or even speak myself. It’s making me feel like “unaliving” myself. I feel extremely alone in this. Like as if I’m the only person in the world to ever think this or struggle with this kind of theme. Getting some feedback would be great, but I won’t hold my breath.