I’ve been dealing with feelings that feel so true and so genuine that idk how I can be the straight and girl crazy person I used to be . It feels like I’m actually gay and I just can’t comprehend it. It doesn’t feel a disorder like when these feelings happen. Anyone have experience with this?
I do! I am a person who loves to do things “right”, follow the rules and be “good”. I also find the woke culture and a lot of lgbt content excessive and annoying. I have a gay brother and my dad and cousin are trans and love them dearly. I’m learning (27yrs) to manage my own ocd with my sexuality. Last year I told my husband that I think I’m bisexual. It’s been an insane and difficult year accepting this and even now I’m still working on it because I can’t actually “prove it”. I do know OCD can warp thoughts and feelings immensely. I worry often I’ll lose the love of my life bc I’m actually a lesbian instead of bisexual. Which is wild because I have never loved anyone like I love my husband and I find him so attractive. I don’t know how much this actually helps but know that maybe you aren’t pin board straight but that doesn’t mean your 100% gay either! Sexuality is a spectrum and if you have OCD already it can be hard to sort through the ocd vs YOU!
@Ditto I’ve heard the whole spectrum thing before. It’s just tough because I always loved girls, I never question that feeling. But now I have feelings that make me feel like I know I’m gay and don’t want to accept it. I don’t understand how it can feel so true
@ejpwolfpack it being a spectrum doesn’t mean you are gay or bi! i think it just means as human beings we have all sorts of thoughts or feelings and that most people have thoughts or feelings that fall outside of their orientations box. try to coexist with the feeling, allow yourself to feel whatever it is without making meaning out of it
@ejpwolfpack I definitely understand. For me, I don’t care what I am as long as I can be with my husband! So bisexual, while weird, feels best right now. Are you really anxious thinking about bisexuality? Not assuming at all, just wondering because maybe that’s where you fit more. But again, I’ve heard of people going through big changes in their life and find themselves suddenly finding themselves questioning everything about themselves, and things like sexuality.
@Ditto I just don’t know wanna be with men. I wanna fall in love with a girl. These feelings just make it hard to be the person I want to be. Especially when before all this happened I was exactly who I wanted to be.
@ejpwolfpack I understand. I’m sorting all these feelings out myself too! Are you in therapy? Sometimes getting an outside perspective can really help. Especially if they are a NOCD therapist, they can work through sexual orientation OCD with you.
@Ditto Yeah I’m in therapy rn. These feelings got stronger from some of ERP I’m doing. I have to watch videos on people coming out later in life
@ejpwolfpack Good that you’re in therapy. Those videos are hard. Are you with NOCD?
@Ditto Beyond borders. Chrissie Hodges refereed me to them
@ejpwolfpack Oh cool! I’ll have to check them out. Christie Hodges is cool on insta.
Hi so I've been having a recent theme of soocd hocd. At the start I was all panicked and couldn't leave my house. Now all my emotions feel like they have turned off. It feels real now like I'm just in denial. It's bringing up memories from the past of shows I've watched or people I was friends with to try and prove the point or people I thought were pretty. It's saying you've only realised now cause you are comfortable as I had a difficult childhood. I feel no attraction towards men and can't remember if I ever have now even though I know I did. It's saying its all fake. I really am. Starting to believe it's real and I just feel depressed now. Am I going to have to leave my boyfriend who I planned my life with. It feels like life is going by and I'm stuck. I have no energy at all.
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
I don’t know if it’s SOOCD. I no longer feel anxious in the moment when I think about women, and it’s like my imagination wants me to think about it and get aroused. I don’t want to be gay, but maybe I am after all. In my life I haven’t been so sexually driven before (when I was living with a man, or when being single) but now all I can think about is having sex with a woman. I don’t want to, but somehow my body does and it feels like my mind have changed to accept it to.. feel so sad This all started around 4 weeks ago..
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
