I failllllllled

Im struggling with false memory pocd sexual what if thoughts. I discussed it with three therapists. Did CBT and ERP. Ive been free of this intrusive thoughts for 11 months and now its back and i feel like at square onewith doubt. Redoubting things ive already did therapy on and disproved. I felt inner peace and fine for almost a year and now back to feeling stuck ruminating questioning whats real memory and whats false memory even though deep down i kmkw its false memory i have evidence against the thoughts and its so ego dystonic theres no proof as my therapist said.

Last week was a lot easier for me. I felt like thoughts didn’t control me and my actions as much as they did earlier. Today was really hard for me and I feel like I’m starting to lose hope again:( I can’t take the thoughts and the feelings that come with them anymore. I feel like I have failed and I’m never going to be happy again.

So after going back to therapy, I’ve been doing really good. I didn’t care about the thoughts or any of my obsessions. But this past week, my mind has just been looping so many thoughts that are scary and sad. The rumination cycle feels like how I felt before even receiving therapy. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m not doing compulsions as much, but I’ve been so afraid this is never going to away, and I’m going to feel anxious and scared forever:(