Hello, first time user of NOCD. I’ve had OCD for a long time. Pure-O in the subtypes of ROCD, Relationship OCD, HOCD, and POCD, among other temporary odd ones. It ebbs and flows as it has for the last several years, and I’d learned to manage it okay. But maybe not great enough. I hadn’t had POCD in a long time, but my wife and I just found out we’re having our first baby. I’m happy, genuinely, and I want to be the best father I can possibly be. But it reallt triggered my POCD really bad. In fact, I don’t think it’s peaked like it has in years. I want to be a good dad. So bad. But the intrusive thoughts won’t cease. My brain tells me, (Trigger Warning) that if I wanted to do something horrible to my (or any) baby (infant, toddler, any age) what would stop me? They’re helpless and innocent. Maybe that alone scares me. But then all the things associated with POCD come. And my brain is racked every idle minute, almost to the point where, as an involuntary mental check, it condemns me as if I was that way, or had already done something unspeakable. Leading to more OCD: “is it REALLY OCD? Or is it just actually supressed, and you won’t let yourself realize it?” I’ve never been sexually attracted in any way, shape, or form to children of any age range. I know this. But it’s the waves of “what ifs” and “what would stop you,” plus the general intrusive thoughts of POCD, that rack my brain, and make it near impossible to sleep until I fall asleep exhausted. I know this post is long, and I don’t know if it’s normal for this app, but please, if anyone has been through the same thing, especially those who experienced this with a baby on the way, I’d GREATLY appreciate advice and guidance. I just want to look forward to being a father. Thank you