How do you deal with this or what do I do ?

I never been diagnosed with ocd but here goes on with me, I have done a lot of research and I think I have harm ocd. I had the same thoughts I had where I was 16 but they went away after 9 long months it was like a war in my head everyday, and the thoughts were gone for 4 years. Never had thoughts like it again but they have came back. I am 20 years old now and they came back after 4 years of not having it. My thoughts are like “you should hurt your siblings” , “you should go to there room and hurt them”. And when I mean hurt them it’s like, the worst thing you can ever imagine, I don’t want to describe it because it makes me sick. Like every time I think of it, I want to throw up, cry. And then i am beyond scared that I will actually do what my thoughts want me to do. And I have to tell myself why I shouldnt do it. And then I tell myself, if you do it, then you will go to prison, and it makes me more scared, and then, my brain will say, “what if I want to do it” , “what if I want to go prison” and that’s when I start crying, and it like I have a panic attack, but I have been praying everday so my thoughts will go away. I just want to lock myself in my room so I know I won’t hurt my siblings. I miss the person I was before this. It has been ruining my life, I think abt it everyday, and I try to distract myself, it goes away for just a little bit, then comes back. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should tell my parents, I want to tell them so they can know, but I’m scared that they will never trust me with my siblings. Which I understand. I want help, I want to be at peace. I know I overcome it before, I know I can overcome it again, but I want it to stop today. What do I do ?

Harm OCD

lightlove

Date posted: 1y

it's obvious that you fear these thoughts and are sincerely disgusted with them. your reaction to these thoughts is very understandable and your distress is valid and real. it's easy to dismiss your expressions of fear and disgust as over exaggerating and faking, but i wish you peace and trust so that you dont fall down the hole of accusing yourself of fantasizing crimes you dont want to commit anymore. you are under no obligation to prove to literally anything or anyone (including yourself) that you dont wanna cause harm. youre definitely not hiding secrets from yourself from what i can tell, but youre still afraid youre denial. if you were in denial, you wouldnt be writing this. you used to be free of these thoughts, unhaunted by doubts and gaslighting. you didnt lose your innocence and who you are is truly worth loving and understanding because it would be absolutely ludicrous to ever think youre actually guilty of desiring your worst fear. peace be with you <3

accordinglytome

Date posted: 1y

@garlicamoeba thank you so much, it means a lot to me, do you deal with harm ocd?? How do you deal with it??

AshleyAlum

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@jessy1701 You accept that these thoughts are just thoughts, and they don’t mean anything and they don’t indicate intention

Fabian00

Date posted: 1y

I deal with this too even as I type this, I know all signs point to it being ocd and your mind still questions everything and I mean EVERYTHING . If you need to talk to someone or vent im here. We can help each other out

Adi7

Date posted: 24w

Advice please ❤️

Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️‍🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️‍🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔

laladracu

Date posted: 22w

OCD is through the roof

i am convinced im a psycho killer. everytime im around my mom or sister i get these intense thoughts of stabbing or hurting them. when they’re not around its not as intense but its still there. its literally on my mind 24/7. im so tense 24/7. were currently looking for a puppy for the family and when me and my sister were playing with them today the thought was still there. nothing distracts me from it. video games and EVERYTHING else doesn’t work. im starting to feel like i WANT to do these things. i was never like this until i had a marijuana induced panic attack in january. i feel like something happened to my brain and its not just ocd anymore. i dont even know if im faking it. i have suffered from relationship ocd, pedophile ocd, and health ocd. i got over those relatively quickly. this new theme came out of nowhere after a panic attack on a plane coming home from a horror convention in february. i dont see a way out of this one. its been months. i try to let them sit and i get a panic attack. all i do everyday is cry. i feel like my life is over. i talk to a therapist and i have tried two medications that didnf work work. i dont know how to live like this. im afraid im gonna lose my relationship and im afraid im gonna lose my whole life ahead of me. im just 22. i just want the old me back.

Harm OCD

bradyx20

Date posted: 20w

don’t know what’s happening to me

i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self

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