- Date posted
- 1y
How do you deal with this or what do I do ?
I never been diagnosed with ocd but here goes on with me, I have done a lot of research and I think I have harm ocd. I had the same thoughts I had where I was 16 but they went away after 9 long months it was like a war in my head everyday, and the thoughts were gone for 4 years. Never had thoughts like it again but they have came back. I am 20 years old now and they came back after 4 years of not having it. My thoughts are like “you should hurt your siblings” , “you should go to there room and hurt them”. And when I mean hurt them it’s like, the worst thing you can ever imagine, I don’t want to describe it because it makes me sick. Like every time I think of it, I want to throw up, cry. And then i am beyond scared that I will actually do what my thoughts want me to do. And I have to tell myself why I shouldnt do it. And then I tell myself, if you do it, then you will go to prison, and it makes me more scared, and then, my brain will say, “what if I want to do it” , “what if I want to go prison” and that’s when I start crying, and it like I have a panic attack, but I have been praying everday so my thoughts will go away. I just want to lock myself in my room so I know I won’t hurt my siblings. I miss the person I was before this. It has been ruining my life, I think abt it everyday, and I try to distract myself, it goes away for just a little bit, then comes back. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should tell my parents, I want to tell them so they can know, but I’m scared that they will never trust me with my siblings. Which I understand. I want help, I want to be at peace. I know I overcome it before, I know I can overcome it again, but I want it to stop today. What do I do ?