common?

i want to share some examples of my intrusive thoughts (ROCD) - What if i have lost feelings for my boyfriend? - What if we are “too far gone” and cant fix the relationship? - What if we arent meant to be? - I’m feeling weird and distant today, and irritable. Do i hate him? - What if i do hate him? What do i do? - I found someone else attractive. Am i a bad person/being unfaithful? - I can’t stop thinking about the rough patches we’ve had. Should i just end it? - When i try to picture a future with him now, its very hard

Relationship OCD

looce63

Date posted: 1y

does anybody else experience this? how do you cope?

ctmont

Date posted: 1y

Incredibly common. Tell yourself “maybe I don’t love him, maybe I do.” Remind yourself that love is a choice, not a feeling. Lean into the doubt and stay mindful of the present moment.

looce63

Date posted: 1y

@ctmont “love is a choice not a feeling” thank you so much for that honestly that is the most relieving thing to hear

ctmont

Date posted: 1y

@looce63 It’s always helped me. Also, anxiety love coach on instagram has been incredibly helpful.

anonymous1963

Date posted: 1y

I’m going through the same thing, and I usually go through this before my period so I just tell myself that these thoughts are gonna go away. I can’t exactly give you a coping mechanism cuz I don’t have one myself but I’ve heard that when you get these thoughts, just say to yourself “no not today” or some sort of phrase or word to snap you out of it! Or just let yourself have these thoughts and not feed into them, don’t answer any of these questions, just kinda sit there and think “ok yeah this stuff could happen, but not today” or something like that. At least that’s what I’ve heard, I hope that helps. But I just want you to know you aren’t alone at all in this situation!

looce63

Date posted: 1y

@marisa9 this is very helpful! im sorry you also struggle with this, it straight up SUCKS. i dont wanna be feeling this way ab him and i know you dont either. in a weird, wicked way tho it is nice to know that other people feel the same way

anonymous1963

Date posted: 1y

@looce63 Yeah it definitely sucks and can be very scary. It feels like an out of body experience in a way, like when I get these thoughts I don’t recognize my bf or even myself (I’ve also been having trouble finding who I am). I’ve heard that when these thoughts occur, our brains see our partners as a threat, so it feels like you can’t talk to him or even look at him without getting these thoughts, and it’s so hard. But ultimately we have to try and power through and remind ourselves that these thoughts aren’t real. Also what I found to be interesting is that when I hang out with my bf in my room, I tend to look at him and then get a random thought like “you don’t love him” or “you don’t find him attractive”, or anything of the sort and I’ve never gotten that while at his house. I think that it has to do with the fact that when I get these thoughts and dwell on these thoughts about him, it’s always in my room and since my brain sees him as a threat when these thoughts are happening, I guess I have a hard time hanging out with him in my room because it’s the main place I get these thoughts AND they’re about him so it doesn’t help that he’s in the main place I get these thoughts. It’s like since he’s considered a threat, it’s bad when he’s in my space, if that makes any sense. I’ve noticed this when I’m at my college dorm too. Sorry this is a lot, I just like when I can relate to people about this, it makes me feel a lot better lol!

looce63

Date posted: 1y

@marisa9 what scares me the most is that sometimes the thoughts dont bother me as much. does that mean ive accepted them and theyre true? or they’re just not have as much of an affect?

anonymous1963

Date posted: 1y

@looce63 I don’t think that means that the thoughts are true, I just think that at times you can deal with them more than other times!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I constantly have similar thoughts and and it is so hard to tell what is “real” thought/ concerns or just my obsessions. I constantly remember something really small that happened and it is really consuming and is hard to trust my boyfriend even though he shows me I should.

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

sley_13

Date posted: 23w

ROCD

I’ve been with my partner for almost a year now, and my rocd has become really really bad. I keep feeling like I fell out of love and I just have eyes for other people now, and that I would rather be with someone else. It feels like I’m infatuated with other people and it makes me so guilty. It’s been so hard for me because it’s hard to tell if it’s just my brain convincing me I don’t love my partner or if this is really my desire. The biggest fear I have is hurting my partner, so there’s also a sense of urgency that I need to tell them how I’ve been feeling to prevent myself from leading them on I guess. This is compounded with a history of porn addiction that still affects me and makes me feel like I’m more attracted to others. Has anyone else been in this position? I feel like I’m alone and that this is the sign that I’m terrible and shouldn’t be with my partner and that the end of our relationship is inevitable. I can’t tell if I really love them or not and if I really want to still be with them and I hate that I’m having that doubt.

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

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