I’ve honestly given up at this point. I mean, there’s just no way around this. I went to therapy. I’ve been on medication for 8 months. Yet, this topic is still the core of my thoughts every. single. day. It seems like I’m fighting something that’s true about myself. And, maybe acceptance will be the first major step to feeling better. Idk. I feel like maybe I’ve been bi my whole life, but was just focused on guys and now it’s developed into both if that makes sense. Like maybe it was always in me, but I didn’t realize until now. So many bi people talk about this. They talk about feeling ashamed (me too) and always liking one sex before and then it changed. I know I have OCD, but, I’m not sure that this is a subset I have anymore. Everything is too real. I’ll miss the way I was before, but maybe I was never that girl before. It’s time to just accept I guess. No matter how heartbreaking it is.

Sexual Orientation OCD

shiv00

Date posted: 5y

Yeah I thought about it too but if we preferred the opposite sex all time and all those false memories or real memories,(I can't even differentiate at this point) are true than why loss of attraction and decreased libido. I can't understand what is happening.

helloworld287

Date posted: 5y

guys, don’t lose hope. if it makes you this upset then how can it be you? everyday has been excruciating for me but he only thing that gets me through the day is the hope that i will return to myself and have the future with a beautiful husband and kids. it’s the only thing i’ve ever really wanted but i and you all can’t let this rob you of that. there’s hope we just can’t lost sight of it.

Idk

Date posted: 5y

I remember in middle school my best friend was bi and I saw her with a girl and I just didn’t think anything of it. I was just like “okay cool” and continued to pay attention to boys. It’s so weird how this is happening to me as well. What scares me if that this whole thing just feels real like I’m actually lesbian and I’m denying it. Idk why, I never had feelings for girls. It was never natural to me. So wth you know. I never had and urge or desire. It’s so dumb. I once said to myself “okay I’m lesbian” and I got so scared that it felt real. And I was like panicking a bit on my own. But then I was back to question everything still. I just can’t accept because it can’t be true. There’s no real evidence but then I still look for some. And think about everything and I panic.

cnv

Date posted: 5y

Honestly I couldn’t relate more. For the past 2-3 months I’ve been okay with intrusive thoughts and sensations. But this evening I had yet another groinal response to which I’ve learned to react like a fact, not instantly to jump to conclusions. Nevertheless, I still ruminate about things such as being bisexual my whole life and just now starting to recognize this in myself or that I would prefer vagina over penis. In reality, when I sincerely think of myself with a girl, it’s just a big nono

helloworld287

Date posted: 5y

i’m just speaking from when i had this the first time but was able to snap out of it. it felt amazing to be comfortable in myself again and to go back to the person i always knew and i was comfortable with. there’s always another solution. don’t lose hope.

starboiklem

Date posted: 5y

Listen as someone that had that type of ocd,the ocd is driven by your FEAR of being lesbian, what you should do if you can is tell to yourself that you are a lesbian and accept it which is what you are about to do. That's great you move in the right direction,i also had fear that i may be gay and i said to myself ok you are gay it's over accept it,it was distressing but before i knew it ocd obsessions about being gay vanished. Did i turn gay? offcource no i was never gay i was simply afraid so don't try to tell yourself i am not a lesbian that's a compulsion, instead tell yourself you are a lesbian and accept it

Idk

Date posted: 5y

I never really had to question it, I just would crush on boys and that was that you know. It was rare because most boys my ages are just the same and look the same. So I kinda stopped caring about them. But other than that I did like them. Now I feel like my attraction is for girls, like if my sexuality is changing. When that just doesn’t make sense. I know those feelings were true but then I chose to question and makes me think it wasn’t.

ANGEL x

Date posted: 5y

Take a look at some documentaries about single women. There’s one by Cathy Burkes just come out (if you’re in uk). Maybe if you can’t accept yourself as bi or gay, accept yourself as single throughout life. It’s your choice to be with someone and even if you did like girls it doesn’t mean you have to be with one if that’s something you didn’t want.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

Mt2019

Date posted: 19w

Question about HOCD

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 13w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

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