Hocd starting

@yessyess I really miss having feelings for man , believe me i live the measurable life can a human live , i have groinals to every one even to children 💔 and also i have tocd which now convince me that i want to be a man

@star1232 I experienced TOCD briefly the last few weeks and it’s terrifying! My HOCD/SO-OCD goes all over the place. I’m straight and it makes me feel like I’m lying about being straight and that I’m going to be sad if I’m not bisexual or realize I’m not, but I’m not bisexual. It’s truly the most confusing thing. I hate it so much. I genuinely don’t want to be with a woman. Like after all the episodes, I try to mental check, and only see them as friends. And then the first and second voices freak me out. I know OCD pulls out some crazy thoughts. I’ve experienced this theme on and off the last 12 years, but this round has been one of the hardest! I’ve mentally checked everyone I don’t even remember what it was like to have friends. It’s truly exhausting.

@yessyess Before this I’d be able to snooze a bit longer or daydream fantasizing about guys. Now I’m terrified of sleeping.

@yessyess I really can feel you , because we re dealing with feelings that are feel real than the reality itself

@star1232 I hate the fact it feels real. One thing is knowing you have OCD and another part is living with it. It feels so isolating even though we know we’re not alone because it generates some of the weirdest thoughts and the way it feels so real. It’s sad not being able to trust myself right now. I was once in a space where I was going to walk 500 miles in Spain and be alone with my thoughts and now I sleep next to my mom in her room because I’m afraid to be alone with my thoughts. I’m upset with myself for doing so many compulsions that I’ve driven myself to such a deep pit of confusion and feels like I just need to accept being bisexual even though I don’t want to. Trying my best to accept the thoughts being there and not paying attention to them.

@yessyess Yes its so super hard , my tocd started after the hocd or the possibility of being bi or les, but i really can accept being bi ( deep down i dont want ) but i can accept being a man

@star1232 I experienced a bit of that too! I went with my mom to pick up clothes for my uncle at a man’s store and wanted to cry. My mind tells me I’m afraid to be bisexual because I’m afraid I’m going to become a lesbian. It’s a combination of both. But I just don’t want to be with a woman, and then the false attractions creep in. And then it tells me I need to be fluid. But I just want to be with a man. I am straight, and it makes me feel like I’m lying about being straight. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. OCD is just a spiderweb of irrational thoughts. And the grief of not being able to live a “normal” life at the moment. I should be working, socializing, traveling, except I’m homebound. I know we will all get better, but it’s just so scary.

@yessyess Its so scary because it feels so real

@yessyess Same here. I conquered fear of lesbian as my attraction for men came back , finally! After months . Now sacred of being bisexual. Agree, still same fear.

@68273 I thought I was the only one! I overcame the fear of being a lesbian through ERP a few years ago and would come back but was able to shake it off. But this round and the bisexual theme is truly a headache and a web of thoughts I haven’t seen before. 😵‍💫 Like I’ll get my attraction back to men in brief periods and it whacks me! Sending both of you and @star1232 courage! We’re not alone!

@yessyess Have you had low/loss of libido?

@Carlos A Yes, like I’ll see a cute guy on the street and get excited but it will be brief. Beforehand I used to have full on fantasies about guys. I’ve also been taking Sertraline for over a month and not sure if that’s what is contributing. But I do get the groinals, and that’s uncomfortable. I’ve been avoiding sexual stuff because it makes me anxious.

@68273 Do you still get false attraction?

@Anonymous Every time with every one of the same sex