Rocd struggles

This is my first serious relationship and it has been amazing. I love him so much. I have just recently started to have extreme doubts and urges to break up. I cant even be with him without having extreme, horrible panic attacks. I have only been able to be intimate with him twice and during both times it was extremely hard. I feel so disconnected from him and myself. Im driving myself crazy. I want to have him, myself and our love back. I feel like I am just hurting him and I dont deserve him. This is so hard because no matter what you say to yourself to reassure they are just thoughts there is always a what if. Its gotten so bad im staying at my parents and cant do school work. I was only able to be with my boyfriend for 2 hours today before I was on the verge of a panic attack. If you relate please let me know im not alone. I feel so alone and trapped right now.

Relationship OCD

Anonymous<3

Date posted: 1y

I don’t want to feed into reassurance seeking but I know exactly how you feel and your not alone! You will be okay and will feel better! I think you’ll benefit from reading books on rocd , taking therapy from a specialist who specializes in rocd, podcasts on this issue , and there’s a program called awaken into love. They’re on ticktock if you want to see what they’re about. But all these things helped me. I know it seems like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel but if your willing to really work it gets so much better! I’m not gonna lie its not easy and it can be mentally exhausting but once your able to sit with these thoughts/doubts you’ll be able go through days where you can finally feel happy again! Hang in there and if you need someone to talk to I’m here!:)

madmaT77

Date posted: 1y

@Yali<3 Thank you so much. Has helped a lot:)

bluuberry

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

i know it’s so hard and it doesn’t sound easy at all, but respond in your mind with passive statements such as “i don’t know,” and try to move on. don’t shove the thought aside, just respond and let it sit there. it’s sort of like when someone says something insulting and you respond apathetically. or, you can ignore the thought altogether as long as you aren’t doing that compulsively. i have experienced this so much and actually had a panic attack today because of my ROCD so i understand you a lot. just a few questions: have you shared about your OCD with your bf? and, are you in therapy? i would suggest bringing your bf to a session and having him speak to your therapist to gain more information and so that he knows what to do and how to help correctly. i hope this helps. 🩷

madmaT77

Date posted: 1y

@tayleraf I have shared what Im going through with my bf, but more in a compulsions way. Its only hurting him and putting more of a strain on our relationship. He is very understanding though and gets why this is happening. Im not in therapy yet, but I will be soon. Thank you for this message💜

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Rocd -feeling like relief would be to breakup

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months but seriously talking for around 8. I have never met anyone so perfect and amazing. I love him so much. Into our talking stage i kissed my ex situation-ship and ever since have been dealing with the consequences. He forgave me and gave me another chance and i have shown him how much i care every day since. He is over it now since it was only in our talking stage. I have had thoughts with my ex name, thoughts i hate my boyfriend, always constantly thinking if im bored, if i love him. It switches day by day and impacts my life constantly. I don’t feel like myself at all. Some days i can’t do it. I just want to be happy and secure with him. my thought from the past few days is that i want to be single and hook up with other people. I don’t actually want to hook up with others but i feel so terrible and guilty. Does anyone else deal with this? Sometimes i can’t tell the difference between my real thoughts and the fake ones. I have been debating breaking up with my boyfriend because i feel like it’s best but i would be so sad. He is perfect and i see myself marrying him.

rjahastings

Date posted: 23w

ROCD - anxiety

I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

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