I have spent about 6 hours today trying to figure out the answers to a couple questions. And I feel like I will lose my salvation if I don’t get the answers right. At this point, I am just going in circles in my mind.
Hi there🥰 I’m not sure if you have a Christian background, but if u do, you can rest in Jesus promise that whoever believes in him has eternal life( salvation) . John 3:16 , 1 John 5:13, are good verses to help🤗 It sounds like ocd is messing with you, trying to get u to ruminate, talk with your ocd specialist they can help, all the nocd therapists are trained in erp therapy, if u don’t have an ocd therapist I highly recommend nocd , they are great! It helps so much, I had severe ocd but got relief thru help with nocd / erp therapy. They can give u tools to combat ocd’s lies and getting stuck in the ocd thought loop. Hang in there , there’s hope, you’re not alone🤗💝
One more I just remembered, hope it encourages you🤗 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9❤️
Hi, only God can judge because there are so many nuances and variables in this life so you will never find complete certainty for salvation. There are basic principles of course you should follow in any religion but ask yourself if God would really want you to suffer the way you are. Just do the best you can do while still living your life. You're feeding OCD by looking content up online and by trying to ruminate, figure stuff out. It's difficult but tell yourself "there's no way to know if I have salvation"
Whats your question maybe I can help
Today I was trying to figure out something at work, and some people were watching and I was taking longer than expected. I said to myself, “why am I so stupid” and I felt like I was angry and I felt like I was angry at God. I’m worried because I felt like I cursed God in my heart. I’m worried because who am I to be mad at God. I want to have reverence, and I just don’t know what to do. It feels like my heart is hard.
So, alot has changed. I'm Christian and currently believe we are in the end of times. It's changed my whole perspective on life. I quit my job and moved back in with family, starting to go to church, apologized to those I hurt except, one person who I talked to two family members and they told me to delete the message and with my other apology ( that i also believed was God telling me to confess in 2020) i lied at some parts because of shame and confusing myself most likely intentionally. I confessed everything to my dad and he says since i turned from it, repented, that i need to let it go and continue forward. Since then, my minds been saying that I'm outside of God's will and everything's gone down hill. I had also prayed that God exposed me and now it's like all this evil and wickedness that feels like it's coming out of my heart settles into my chest. I've prayed to God, worshipped to God, but thoughts and images of being sent to hell or my loved ones pops into my head and I've gone to sleep twice each night accepting the fact that because of me not doing so may have doomed me and my loved ones and I feel scared that I got so tired and stopped fighting it. I've had ocd since I was 7 but it just is so scary because it's hitting down to the wire and I'm scared that I was never a child of God at all I mean I have iniquity I thought I repented for but people I love still struggle with what I've done and I prayed for them and tried to help them and suggest therapy but I haven't did what I could to make it right like I should've. But these images and thoughts they're horrible. I feel like I'm against God truly and I'm like Lord change the circumstances and I won't resist so that I can preach Your word and everyday I feel like I'm gambling. It's like every thought is biblical for the most part. I don't want to kill myself cuz what if I have a chance that God will have mercy on me but....
I put a trigger warning because I will be discussing themes of end of times. I feel like I'm not following God's will. God knows ultimately that things were going to speed up end of times wise. A few months ago, I had a random thought to call someone I had affected with past sin and apologize to him although I did not know he was there, my sin affected him. I know he deserves an apology, but I chalked it up to ocd and treated it as such for months fast forward to now I feel like I'm completely against God. Horrifying. It's a complex situation I caused and therefore though I know he deserves an apology I'm really scared as I created a mess of things. I've been praying that God help certain things come to fruition so I could be exposed and help minister to others if that's what He's calling me to do but no answer. Instead horrible images and thoughts and feelings of doom. I see signs to apologize everywhere. I'm at my wits end. Because I tend to get ahead of myself I asked two family members and they said don't and then I see things that say Though people in your life mean well, don't go based on what they say only what God says. I tell God to do His will and I'll follow, do you think He'll listen. I even told Him I straight up don't want to do it, not because He doesn't deserve one, but because last time I apologized to someone else I didn't do it right and it was messy. I feel so evil, like a wolf in sheep's clothing. I also remember looking up morbid things for what???? Only to be disturbed pray about it and leave by why search it up again? I also fantasized alot about guys I've been single forever, late 20s now, I'm trying to go to church and my crush is there and I try to stop thinking about him because I know it's delusional but the thoughts don't leave. I'm so tired I want to stop but stop what? Living? I want to stick to God as close as possible. I'm going crazy.
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