I WOULD BE FOREVER GRAFEFUL IF SOMEONE COULD SHET SOME RATIONALE HERE ❤️ (Sorry for all the posts I meet my therapist on Thursday am hopefully I won’t be so annoying then ?) I have multiple themes and one is POCD. One of my worries is about flashing kids through my windows etc. A few weeks ago it was pitch dark and I don’t yet have curtains on my kitchen window and I quickly checked if my time of the month had came just a quick peak but I obviously had to put them down a wee bit. Then at the cinema toilets I was using a cubicle which didn’t lock so I held it with my hand but I made a small step forward in front of this small gap from the door and then convinced myself I was a terrible person as I knew I shouldn’t of stepped forward. And now I was walking into the living room putting a jumper over my vest top (not wearing a bra) and I felt my boob fall out of my vest top and I yet continued to walk. This has just sparked all of these other things like I have mentioned. It’s hard because it’s like I tell myself not to do something and I do it. Like those examples

I'm proud of you being brave enough for talking about something about yourself you'd rather keep hidden, to try to heal. That's already a step forward. Now, based on what I read, you worry about... Well, being a pedophile. And all the succeeding sentences are about you, trying to check if you really are a pedophile. And as you keep checking, the more anxious you get, and the more you think to yourself that you really are a pedophile. This looks like a textbook example of OCD to me. And what this means is that you gotta stop checking whethere or not you're a pedophile because that is your compulsion. I do agree mental compulsions like checking/ruminating are hard to stop because you don't always notice you do them, but whenever you do, try to tell yourself, "Ugh, this thought again. I have more important things to be thinking about, I have no time for your bullshit." It probably even says stuff like, "You're just in denial! You can't admit it to yourself!" or "This isn't OCD. Stop using OCD as an excuse" and when that happens don't argue with it or present proof that you aren't a pedophile. Choose to disregard, whether or not you have proof, and your brain will realize that you're the boss here. Dismiss the thought in a sarcastic way, like, "Denial my ass. If you want me to listen, go get me a better horror story." It's rather unnerving at first. But later on you get used to responding in a sarcastic way instead of performing your compulsions. Over time your compulsions and thoughts will lessen if you keep dismissing it. It's easier said than done, I know!! But this is not impossible, and if others can recover, you can too. I recommend Ali Greymond's youtube videos as what I said are literally just from her vids, and she offers help with OCD on all themes.

Hi Elo. Try to remember that OCD is always a liar. Ask your therapist for tools to deal with OCD's attacks on you. I've been in your shoes, don't lose hope. Knowledge is power and you can manage this illness with knowledge.

Thank you both so much! You’re wonderful people. @Tibuemon can I ask about how I end up doing these ‘minor’ actions when I feel I shouldn’t - like checking self when curtains are open - is that a checking behaviour? Because to me it feels like I’m not in control of myself

I'm not really a psychologist, so I'm not sure what exactly must be done about those 'minor' actions, but I still think it's a checking behavior. If you didn't have POCD, would you still think you would check yourself in that way? If you say no, then it is a checking behavior.

For a long time it’s been as if I’m not in control of things I don’t want to do, whether it be a small ocd urge/compulsion/checking behaviour I don’t know. Maybe it’s barely anything. But the ocd uses it as ‘evidence’