Do I stand at the sink while my daughter washes her hands? She wants me to turn the faucet on and off. She gets mad when I’m not doing exactly what she wants and then ends up washing for an hour or more. Or do I just leave the room and let her do it.
You want to encourage her not to do it and sit with the uncertainty of not knowing if her hands will be totally clean or not, reminding her that they more she washes her hands the more she is feeding the OCD monster bc everytime she listens to it, it will grow. That said .. telling her not to do it all together can be too drastic of a jump. I have contamination OCD, and it's taken a couple years just to get to a point where I have reduced my cleaning compulsions in half. (As in, I still do some, haven't quit cold turkey, it takes time for some of us.) The best thing is to not aid her in feeding the OCD's commands, and trying to stay as neutral to it as possible. And giving validation in your daughers struggles, but not reassurance.. letting her know you know it's hard, and you're there to support her, but not agreeing to feed the OCD monsters demands. I really recommend asking a therapist for the best way to go about it! And watching Dr. McGrath's youtube videos, and watching this TED video from the perspective of the parent of someone with OCD. I shared it with my Mom and it was helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZZIxyY23IA
@FJustRightOCD Thank you! This is all new to us. I appreciate your advice. I will check out the videos.
I don’t know how old your daughter is, but when I was younger my parents found a book called Up and Down the Worry Hill, that was really helpful to me learning about OCD and how to overcome it as a child. It’s a children’s book, but I think it might be valuable even to a teenager - I found a lot of comfort in it and especially reading it with my parents as a child, helped me feel like they were there to support me and that there was hope in this journey.
@User11123 Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate people responding. She is 32. Would it work for someone this age?
No, she has to take responsibility and do things for herself.
And when she gets mad at you, know it's not your daughter wanting to be mad at you, it's her really struggling with her OCD, and it's the OCD that's getting mad...maybe just telling her "I know, this is really hard, but the less we do what OCD says, the more quiet it will get". And responding with a lot of "maybes". I get pissed when my Mom doesn't engaged in my compulsions but I know in my heart that what she is doing is actually helping me.
@FJustRightOCD Thanks. I do know it’s not her, and I do try to stay neutral but I did cry in front of her tonight because I just didn’t know what to do.
@Anonymous - Aw, that is OK, I know it's hard. You're human and I'm sure your daughter can tell how much you care. She is lucky to have someone who cares this much and is seeking guidance on how to help her. You two will get through this together. And what a blessing that is!
I really appreciate the help from all of you.
Let us know how things go if you ever want to share. You are not alone in this journey.
Is she in ERP therapy with a specialist?
@Nica She is but I’m not sure it’s working yet. She’s had around 4 weeks of it
@Anonymous Is she under the age of 18 and if so, do you speak with her therapist about progress/lack of it?
@Nica - she is over 18.
@Anonymous She’s going to have to do this on her own then, since she is an adult. And that means you telling her she can pay the water bill or part of it. Sometimes, a reality check is needed.
I think my little sister has OCD, she constantly seeks reassurance about things such as whether the dog has died, if the lights are definitely off, if the door is locked... I could go on. She gets quite distressed if you don’t give her reassurance. She seems to have some verbal and physical compulsions too. I also have OCD but it is different from hers as mine mainly focuses on contamination, counting and having things ‘just right.’ I’m not sure how to support her properly because I know I’m not supposed to give her any reassurance but it is horrible seeing her getting anxious. Does anyone know how I can best help her?
I am a mother, my daughter is suffering with OCD anxiety. Any advice on how I can help her? I find myself wanting to call and check on her a lot, but think I should not?
I have ocd rituals everytime I take a shower. Sometimes takes me about 2 hours to get out of bathroom. I have been working with a counselor which says to set a timer for 45 mins and try to finish everything in that time frame and get out. I still find that I am irritated or moody if I don’t complete them I have no idea why. Should I try to cut down on my time in the shower/ bathroom?
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