- Date posted
- 1y
Hocd and sleep
Have you had nights where you didnt sleep completely because of the hocd ? I didnt sleep the whole night yesterday š
Have you had nights where you didnt sleep completely because of the hocd ? I didnt sleep the whole night yesterday š
The first two weeks of my episode I didnāt sleep and would cry. The last few days Iāve been dreading sleeping because of it!
Yes back in September I had a terrible time of it. My fiancĆ© was on nights and I just couldnt sleep intrusive thoughts were flooding my brain. Whenever I closed my eyes, I was scared to sleep as I knew when I woke up I would be so anxious. I had a breakdown and was signed off work for 4 weeks. It gets better I sleep so much better now. I like to think that it is part of the healing journey of finally facing ocd once and for all. I really urge you seek help and support as soon as I started talking to my partner and mum I started to feel a bit more free. I seeked out help from a therapist and in the space of 4 months, Iāve returned to work, I have booked my wedding venue and am getting married in 2025. Iām still scared and I have thoughts come in but itās getting easier. Find someone who you trust speak to them you may be surprised by their reactions. Take sleep as it comes, donāt over think it try and get a little routine if you can. You can survive this, keep pushing even if itās just little steps a day.
Yes, is horrible but we have to be strong, always remember, when wake up"well I had a bad night but I chose donāt make it relevant" and I know how hard it could be but thatās the way. Donāt make it relevant!
Yesss!!! Me currently. I have such terrible anxiety and nausea and I havenāt been able to sleep peacefully at all omg
@Vee <3 I spent the whole night awake yesterday im so depressed š
@star1232 So am I. I feel so unsure and so confused. Like Iām literally drowning. Iām sending you so much love though! Youāve got this. Please stay strong!
@Vee <3 I feel attraction and groinals from every member of same sex š and the urges felt so so real
@Vee <3 Sending you so much love and hope too šš»
So my OCD has been bad lately. Iāve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where Iām just so mentally exhausted that I āacceptā what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCDās ātruthā (that Iām attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. Iām starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
I donāt know what to do with this bs anymore. Iām crying again and again and again and again. I cannot describe how painful this is. Iāve recovered from every single OCD subtype expect this one. HOCD is so scary and itās so incredibly scary how it feels so real. The issue with this subtype is how intertwined it is with feelings and sensations. I hate how it keeps latching onto the past and uses the past as proof. I donāt want it to be the truth. I donāt want to accept any possibility.
Iāve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, Iāve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not Iām secretly gay, even though I donāt feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and thatās why Iām having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that Iām repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same questionāam I gay?āand no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesnāt go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didnāt, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. Itās exhausting, and I donāt know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
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