help

does anyone ever feel really guilty about having thoughts of offing yourself. i try to not let it get to me. but if im sitting with my family i feel so guilty even though im not going to do it. i’ve had such immense anxiety in the past from it and i ran to my mom in the middle of the night and made her sleep with me because i was so scared. i feel like now when i don’t go to them and don’t tell them how im feeling i feel like i don’t care anymore and im not anxious and that causes me even more anxiety. i have the thoughts of am i happy? do i want to die? and what if i did this? omg you just thought that you’re suicidal. you want to die. and i freak out and i feel so alone because i feel like if i go to my parents for reassurance again the cycle will get worse but if i don’t go to my parents about it my ocd tells me that im just accepting the fact im going to do it now because im not seeking reassurance. i always have these thoughts that oh you’re just using ocd as a way to cope w the fact youre suicidal and i don’t know what is real and what isn’t someone help.

Username: marsmith98marsmith98

Date posted: 48w ago

Don’t beat yourself up about having these thoughts. A lot of us have them, especially because being neurodivergent living in a world built for neurotypical is really difficult. I’ve struggled with SI a lot in the past few months (and before), and it helps to realize that this is just a symptom of burnout. Having OCD is exhausting, it makes sense that you’re struggling. You can have these thoughts and feel hopeless without actually wanting to do anything drastic about it. Think of them as an indicator that some of your needs are probably not being met. What can you do to build yourself up? Talk to someone, spend time with the people that love you, try to engage in an activity that you enjoy, prioritize rest. It’s so hard but just know that you’re not alone ❤️

Username: helpme1234helpme1234

Date posted: 48w ago

@marsmith98 i have the biggest fear of it being what i actually want but i truly don’t want that. i love my life so much but my anxiety is so immense. i have pmdd and my anxiety spikes certain times of the month. i go to college, i have a great bf, i work, i like to workout. i just don’t know why these thoughts flood me. i’ve been going to therapy and my therapist tells me that my thoughts and feelings aren’t my true self. but i always feel like i need that constant reassurance of someone telling me i’m not suicidal and that im going to be okay

Username: marsmith98marsmith98

Date posted: 48w ago

@helpme1234 Feeling like you need reassurance is just your OCD. You are scared of sitting with the possibility that you could actually want to die and that uncertainty is what’s hurting you most. Do you practice self-compassion ever?

Username: helpme1234helpme1234

Date posted: 48w ago

@marsmith98 is that like self talking? i’ve done practices such as what im grateful for and my 5 senses but never heard of self compassion

Username: marsmith98marsmith98

Date posted: 48w ago

@helpme1234 It’s a game changer! Self compassion involves being kind to yourself without judging yourself. You need to love yourself in order to heal your OCD or else there’s no way out. I highly recommend getting The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD by Kimberley Quinlan

Username: helpme1234helpme1234

Date posted: 48w ago

@marsmith98 okay thank you i will look into it

Username: taytay86taytay86

Date posted: 48w ago

There’s a woman I watch on YouTube her name is (Chrissie Hodges) she has some really great videos of OCD and she’s funny. I hope that you look her up she’s my go to when I have these moments like you’re sharing check her out. I hope she can help and she has tons of videos of all different type of topics

Username: helpme1234helpme1234

Date posted: 48w ago

@taytay86 thank you i totally will

Username: AndyJones65AndyJones65

Date posted: 47w ago

hey there, i'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. these intrusive thoughts sounds super exhausting and tough to manage, especially when you're trying to avoid seeking reassurance from your parents. it must feel so confusing and isolating not knowing what's real and what's not. by the way, have you heard about "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try)? it's an AI-powered therapy tool specifically for OCD. it has honestly helped me so much in the past month, so i really think it could be a good resource for you too. i initially found out about it from another member on this forum, and i just wish i had known about it sooner! 💫

Username: helpme1234helpme1234

Date posted: 47w ago

@AndyJones65 yes i do have unstuck. it does seem to help me a little bit. its crazy how i know that i know my true intentions which is to LIVE! i love my life so it’s hard when i have these thoughts and feeling of impending doom. but unstuck helps me pause and take a breath.

Username: AndyJones65AndyJones65

Date posted: 47w ago

@helpme1234 - I'm glad to hear that it's helping you! It really is a tough road we're going through. I'm happy to hear that you're getting rest from your thoughts even just for a while. Remember, it's a process! I don't know how far we are right now, but I hope we're closer to where we actually want to be. Closer to that peace of mind we've always dreamt of.

Username: helpme1234helpme1234

Date posted: 47w ago

@AndyJones65 all we need is hope and a drive to get better

Username: holytropical!

Date posted: 5y ago

(PLEASE HELP IM BEGGING!) Hey guys, right now I’m having suicidal OCD and it’s really fucking scaring me because I know I want to live but it’s feeling like I’m going to end my life any second or any day now and that I’m going to die soon, and I’m afraid that I’m going to come up with a plan and go through with it, or say fuck it, I don’t care about recovery, be selfish and just do it. I’m SO scared I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if these are real suicidal thoughts or just my OCD attacking me and I’m genuinely scared for my life. It’s like every second of the day I get a stupid intrusive suicidal thought and it makes me feel like I’m really suicidal and that I don’t want to live anymore, for ANYTHING positive I hear, I twist it and make it negative and tell myself, you’re going to die soon, or you’re gonna kill yourself anyway, you don’t have a future, you don’t care anymore. I even feel a lil bit down and sad when I get these thoughts and I start to feel depersonalization, I almost feel depressed when I get these thoughts all day and it makes me feel like I’m genuinely gonna get depressed and the suicidal thoughts will become REAL I’m so scared. Even when my parents tell me that I’m going to be ok and not do anything, I tell myself in my mind that I’m still going to go through with suicide and just kill myself. I don’t have a set plan and I’m afraid that I may develop a plan and want to go through with it. IM SCARED FOR MY LIFE! IM SO FUCKING SCARED PLEASE HELP PLEASE! Anyone that has gone through this PLEASE HELP! Going into a hospital won’t help because I’m not ACTUALLY suicidal but these thoughts make me FEEL like I am and it’s just SO confusing I don’t know what’s real and what’s not!!! PLEASE HELP ANYONE!!!! I’m so fucking scared ??

Harm OCD

Username: Aislinndest

Date posted: 1y ago

Does this sound like ocd?

I can’t figure out if I’m really suicidal or just obsessing over the thought of it. Im to scared to even do it. I don't know if this is my OCD or what but for the past week or so it's been really bothering me these thoughts that I am on edge, scared. I haven't eaten in 3 days. I have imagined every single way of doing it, and everything and it makes me SICK. It feels like an urge at this point. I start to feel like maybe I could actually do it, then I feel myself about to go into a panic attack. I already feel derealization where this world doesn't feel real and nobody seems real to me, and my family feels like strangers and I'm just really scared. I feel very scared. I don't physically feel like I'm "here." I feel like my mind is lost. I feel like I just want to be at peace and then I think I’m seriously suicidal and the cycle just keeps repeating itself. Im sick to my stomach and terrified.

Username: Kygozilox

Date posted: 50w ago

Can someone help me? By answering..

I hate that i have these thoughts.. my suicidal ocd.. I rarely get anxious by the thoughts. And my head says im not scared… But i KEEP seeking reassurance to know its only ocd… then i feel more safe!! I keep seeking this reassurance because im am scared and it is ocd right?

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