First argument with my boyfriend

I don’t know what to do. So, a little backstory, I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two months now, and only have known him for three months. The other day we went out to celebrate our two months at Olive Garden which, if you don’t know, is more on the fancier side, it’s not like McDonald’s or a fast food restaurant it’s a sit down restaurant. We get to the end of our meal and I come to find out that he does not tip which to me is strange. My family always does especially at sit down restaurant. so I asked him why and he said it’s because he don’t have a lot of money. Keep in mind I was paying half of this bill because he bought lunch for us so I paid for some of this meal. so we has a little argument about it and we got in the car. I didn’t really talk to him so we went and went to the beach and listen to the waves, and had a discussion about it. Last night some of my family and I went out to dinner we were towards the end of our meal and it came part for tipping. My mom ended up paying the bill and we all paid our portion. So I decided to bring up the fact that my boyfriend doesn’t tip and explained what happened. They told me that there was a lot of red flags and that situation but this is the first argument he and I had. My family is very I don’t know how to explain it, but they are very picky on people. Because he doesn’t tip my family doesn’t like him for example, or because he lives so far away. My family doesn’t really like him, but the fact he comes down and sees me is a good part. Obviously every relationship has their ups and downs, but this has been our biggest argument that we’ve had. My family comments were do you not see all these red flags and everything but it’s one argument and I really don’t know how to feel about it and I am very family oriented but I really do love my boyfriend, so any thoughts or opinions?

Relationship OCD

Paulmcd7

Date posted: 1y

As others have said, you need to decide how to balance your family and personal life. If you disagree with their assessment of him, then disagree. If you feel it’s not going to be a supportive and safe space to share about him to your family, then don’t. Now, that has 2 sides. All of what I just said holds true if the relationship is a supportive and healthy relationship. If you’re finding yourself hiding stuff from your family not because you don’t want to hear them complain, but because you actually know they are right without wanting to admit it, then that’s different and probably something to unpack in therapy. As for the actual issue at hand, in my therapy journey, I’ve learned it doesn’t matter what the issue is. The details aren’t important. Think about what happened and how it made you feel, then communicate the feelings to him. From what you’ve shared, it seems you thought that was selfish and that might have made you feel like there was a responsibility dumped on you, made you feel unsupported and alone possibly. He made his decision for whatever reason that was, the next step is communicating what’s going on inside you and then seeing how you recover as a unit.

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

Only advice is maybe don't mention this stuff about your family to your bf. Do what makes you happy, know your worth and take care of yourself. Don't compromise your values. Everything else will happen the way its going to.

mckenzie.<3

Date posted: 1y

I don’t think this is a glaring red flag but it’s something that would bother me. In general, you should tip, especially at sit down restaurants. Does he not tip anywhere, or was it just this place because he was low on money?

Estrellaorange

Date posted: 24w

Relationship OCD

My boyfriend and I started dating a little over a month ago. We’ve now started discussing the next step in our relationship: intimacy. It feels quick, but we’ve known each other well over a year and we were really close friends before dating. I don’t feel ready for sex yet but we’ve started with baby steps. While kissing, my mind started to wander and he started kissing my chest (he asked first, I gave consent, and I was comfortable with him), but frankly I was bored. There were parts that were good and parts that could use some work. I didn’t tell him what felt good and what didn’t like I should have and when he asked my mind went blank. The other night he came over for dinner and we began to talk about it. He started crying and saying how he didn’t want to disappoint me. I felt so shut down because I felt like I was the one in a vulnerable situation and I was the one that wanted to talk but there I was, taking care of him. I ended up communicating what I wanted and I appreciated that he cared enough to ask and listen but at the same time he didn’t really listen because he was caught up in his own emotions. All day long I cannot get it off my mind, seriously. I looked down midway through the day to see I had dug my fingernails into the pad of my pointer finger to the point where there was a deep mark. I have felt extremely anxious and like an awful girlfriend. I do not want to have sex with him if the thought of not doing well kissing my chest upsets him to the point of tears. I just felt bad for not enjoying myself and not telling him that, but I got frustrated that he almost… victimized himself? I feel like I’m manipulating him someway and I just don’t know how. I also feel bad for not being attracted to what he was doing and I’m scared it will lead to losing all attraction. Please help, am I awful for feeling frustrated that he cried?

MidoriCora124

Date posted: 22w

My relationship - potential tw???

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a month and 27 days and I love him but sometimes I just get the ick when I shouldn’t. I feel that he’s showing me too much affection and repeating things and I don’t wanna be rude and say I’m getting bored. Nor do I want to break up with him. He drove 7 hours just to see me and spent money on me the whole time we were hanging out. And it was fun. The last relationship he ever had was when he was in kindergarten.. so I’m assuming it’s just a new to relationships kind of thing so he accidentally love bombs me but he doesn’t make me feel bad. He’s just so annoying sometimes and I was wondering what I should do. I was considering just being blunt with him whenever I got the ick again. I just feel really bad and like I’m the problem. Thoughts?

flyana

Date posted: 18w

My mom thinks my bf is making my OCD worse

I don't know if this is ROCD, pure OCD, or what, but it feels like he's reeeally critical of me, and I'm already terribly critical of myself, so it makes it so hard to push through my negative internal voice. But I tried telling her my OCD obsessions exist outside of him. I would hate to break up with him just to find myself just as depressed. We also just moved in together, and it feels impossible to leave without repercussions. I feel like it helps to make pros and cons: Pros: - Cooks for us all the time - Takes the reins on house/rent/utility setup (despite me asking to help) - Takes us on fun surprise/spontanous adventures, never a dull moment - Likes the same shows/movies/activities - We dress up and go to events together - Strong sexual chemistry Cons: - Feels he's taking care of everything despite *insisting* on it - Very much a know-it-all, which leads to a lot of criticism of me (constant sighs, intense reactions to small mistakes, no room for me to be human) - Expresses that I'm not his type physically, but I should be glad he still wants to be with me, and if I just go to the gym, he'll want to have sex with me more - Has misophonia, which makes him averse to any mouth sounds, so he gets mad at me when I'm eating and wants me to leave the room, and can be a jerk about it - Tends to think the worst of my actions, and will chalk things up to the "type of person" I am, which often takes me by surprise and makes me feel misunderstood - My mom/friends don't like him at all, but our mutual friends obviously love him, yet they see his flaws, too Anyway, it's eating at me, and I'm afraid of what the future might bring, and I just wish I could feel confident again so that I stand up for myself more. If those bad things were gone, he'd be amazing and perfect, but they weigh on me soooo much

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First argument with my boyfriend

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