Sometimes I can handle my HOCD. I feel calm, safe and like nothing about HOCD can put me down. But then I fear that some day I might get to know a lesbian and I fall in love with her. I know what I want and falling in love with a woman is NOT what I want. I don‘t enjoy it and I can’t imagine more than a hug or a kiss, bur I just can’t imagine a relationship. It makes me just so sick. Believe me, my fear is so extreme, I think I watched thousands of lesbian marriages and youtubers just to look at how I react to it.

@KayLee, I get what you’re trying to say but what this is isn’t necessarily homophobia or a process of questioning/coming out. It CAN be internalized, but this is SOLELY an obsession. The people in this particular subset/theme are more fearful of self deception than actually being gay/bi/etc. People, regardless of sexual orientation, don’t constantly worry about whether they are or aren’t something, nor do mental or physical rituals to relieve themselves either: That’s OCD. You have to remember that all of us are here BECAUSE we suffer from OCD. Unfortunately, this is the theme we suffer from, especially since society’s becoming more open to LGBT people (which is great!) but this isn’t simply “fear” or a sign of denial, whether or not it appears to be that way.

Did watching those videos help the OCD obsession pass, if no it sounds like its the compulsions of the obsession. You know yourself you are not lesbian nor have the wanting, you sound like you are able to manage your OCD at time so NEVER GIVE UP!! :)

KayLeee this obsession has nothing to do with homophobia. Gay people also have fears that they might be straight. Saying that their homophobic is just plain incorrect.

I think you need to get less homophobic. When I had a bad attitude toward gays I was afraid to realize I'm a lesbian. Now I'm absolutely okay with them and I'm not afraid anymore

Me?

No, I'm bi

I’ve had an extreme case of HOCD. So much in fact I couldn’t leave my house. And I can tell you I’m not homophobic. It’s just not who I am as a person. And it’s the same with everyone who has HOCD. I haven’t met one person with HOCD who has been homophobic.

Okay, I'm just speaking from experience

I‘m not homophobic. Before HOCD I supported gay people and now I still do. That has like nothing to do with homophobia, more with the fear of losing your identity, the fear that you lied your life long and just not being what you want. As the person above said: It‘s just not who I am as a person.

You mean this app or this particular conversation?

Just saw this topic and wanted to share my opinion because few years ago I was afraid to find out im gay too