Quick lil relapse 😌

OCD and anxiety are back in full swing due to something I have absolutely no control over. My brother has been a drug addict for a long time. He’s been able to get sober a couple times but this time is the worst I’ve ever seen him. I know there isn’t much I can do. You just basically sit and watch the demise of the person you used to know and love. He tells us he wants help but he just needs to get high one last time then he’s done, of course, neither I or the rest of my family help him with that request. We don’t give him cash, we will get him food and that’s it, maybe my dad will buy him cigarettes. I don’t sleep well, I am constantly over thinking, I have images going through my head constantly, I’m planning events that haven’t even happened yet. The OCD thoughts are terrible, and although knowing what the thoughts are helps, it brings me extreme guilt. Today I feel like I’ve just been floating through the day, I can’t remember the last time I’ve dissociated this hard for this long without being able to snap out of it. It was easy to ignore his situation but this time he asked me for help, good help. Help to get him out of his situation, what do you do in that situation? Of course I’m gonna help him. Of course he wanted to seek help then after saying he wanted to stay at my house till he went, but now it’s been 2-3 weeks, he still would’ve been at my house if I had said yes cause he clearly isn’t ready to leave this chapter behind. I’m so tired of dealing with this. I’m 23 in 3 days. He is gonna be 27 in March, our parents are no better than he is at this point, and no help to me or him. My brother won’t talk to my mom cause he’s angry with her for kicking his gf out, he talks to my dad but my dad doesn’t think he’s in any position to tell him anything (which is true, he really isn’t but he can try at the bare minimum) so it’s basically on me to figure this out, our sister offered to help with the charges up against him, but he didn’t ask for a PD so he needs to do that too. I’m stuck, I’m tired of dealing with this, and I don’t want the anxiety that comes with it. Thanks for listening to my rant :)

Username: berrybloodberryblood

Date posted: 47w ago

I understand how hard the OCD can become. but just remember that whatever happens, is out of your hands and will never be your fault. you are human and you can only do so much- your OCD does not control you or make up who you are. remember you are stronger than OCD. meditations are very helpful, and even coloring can help.

Username: BiancaSawyer13BiancaSawyer13

Date posted: 47w ago

I'm really sorry to hear about your struggle with OCD, particularly in the midst of trying to support your brother in this tough period. Navigating a loved one's addiction is heavy enough on its own, the added weight of OCD only compounds the feeling of helplessness and fatigue. 💔 It's clear your resilience has been tested but remember you're doing everything you reasonably can for your brother, and that it's important to take care of yourself as well. One way that's helped me to cope with overwhelming moments like these with OCD is this AI OCD therapy tool I found: unstuckmyocd.com/try. I came across it in an OCD support group and have found it incredibly helpful. The reason I think it would be particularly useful for you is it's designed to provide personalized, step by step support when OCD gets tough, quite like an OCD therapist would. It might be a good tool to turn to when you're weighed down by uncontrollable events and intrusive thoughts. Remember, I'm here for you, so if you have any questions about the app or just want to chat more, feel free to reach out. Passing along a bit of hope and strength to you, friend. 💪

Username: Ruby Reid

Date posted: 5y ago

I can’t help but slightly blame my family for my lack of mental health. I have a mother that is a good person but cares so much about appearances that I now have anxiety over any imperfections. My dad yelled at me and my brother so much that my first reaction to anything is anger. And my dad literally always talks about how amazing my brother is. I was telling him how my boyfriend helped me out a lot by teaching me how to study and he then proceeded to name how much smarter my brother is. None of this pertains to OCD necessarily but it caused me to spiral. Usually that means cleaning but my house is cleaning so I’m just obsessing over how literally everyone but my mother thinks my brother is better. I love him very much. But part of me thinks that if he wasn’t here, my life would be better. My Pure O is more of the problem than OCD. There are no compulsions. Just obsessed with the idea that my brother will always be better than me. No matter what. It’s stupid but I just want to be a priority to someone other than my boyfriend or Jesus. I want someone in my family to understand my struggle with various mental illnesses and with always coming in second to my brother.

"Pure" OCD

Username: roses_are_rosé

Date posted: 5y ago

This is just too much...and it just sucks because no matter what I do... in reality ocd doesn’t care about what it’s doing to me... it’s gonna keep doing this. My brother is sick with something that causes diarrhea...he was sick with it 2 weeks ago, got better last week, and we all got the stomach flu this week which caused his sickness to come back...he’s playful and doing normal 1 year old things but ocd keeps saying he is going to die. I don’t completely understand how a 1 year old would just magically die from watery shit, but just because this worry makes no sense, it doesn’t mean I’m still not scared.And it showed me a scenario of his funeral and it’s so fucked up.I think the worst punishment God has ever given me was ocd... ocd hurts me more than anyone else can... it’s so fucked up... I used to ask God for help but I guess mental health wasn’t that saving worthy so I just stopped praying about my mental health BC I’d be “wasting my time, he doesn’t answer you.” I just have so mu ch in. My life that isn’t going right and I’m started to get low key sad and miserable about my life at this point. I need help lately but I’m really depending on some sort of relief... just thought control and to get rid of bad people in my life and to get some of my grades up and...to be happy

Username: sophie02

Date posted: 4y ago

I need a space to breathe and rant and get stuff off my chest so this is what I’m using this for now. I hate being angry. I hate it so much cause I always feel like I have less control over my thoughts and feelings and it makes me feel like I have no control over possible actions etc. which makes it really hard with harm ocd. But it feels like an endless loop, because my ocd is so frustrating it makes me angry, and that makes me feel less in control, so the circle continues. It sucks feeling like if anyone knew what it looked like sometimes inside your head, maybe they wouldn’t love you and they wouldn’t see you the same way. I feel so lonely and hollow that days. I have so many “friends” but they all make me feel more lonely, cause everything is so superficial and pointless and sitting with them just makes me feel like I need to withdraw deeper into myself because they don’t get it and they don’t really want to get it or care. I want to scream and cry cause I can’t control anything. I can’t stop the people I love from dying one day, I cant stop time, and I can’t keep things the same forever. I’m so tired of doubting everything about myself. Am I a pedophile? Am I a danger to my loved ones? Am I psychotic? Ya da ya da ya da. This endless anxiety I have it feels like it’s slowly killing me and it’s making me depressed. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept for two nights and I mean like at all. I forget to eat I get so anxious and either way I sometimes feel so nauseous I don’t want to eat. My family doesn’t really get it, to them ocd is always just an excuse, or it’s for drama. I have tried to ease myself into the idea that maybe everything is chaos. Bad things happen to good people everything has an end, etc. it’s much easier said than done. If life is an ever changing stormy sea of waves than I’m barely clinging onto anything.

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Quick lil relapse 😌

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