Hard times I guess

I didn't even realize. I'm about to get my period and my anxiety is higher. I'm noticing how my friend hasn't written back to my texts or hasn't answered the last 3 times I called. I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I wrote a text and asked if I did something wrong and he didn't respond. My other friend annoyed me. And I think my other friend doesn't like me that much. I feel abandoned and forgotten and like I must be a bad friend or bad person or why would they all forget me like this. What did I do? Did I take my opinions too far? I've been picking at my skin, having a feeling of unrest. I just watch Netflix and lie on my couch to avoid it. I look okay, but I haven't worked in a year purposefully to find a new way, but I haven't found it yet. I'm doing so much, but it always feels like too little. I tell myself again and again that I'm doing enough, but there's always a voice that says no you're lazy, you're unhealthy and you're just making excuses. I hyperfixate on stupid solutions like blood tests, supplements, genetic testing to explain my symptoms my depression (or is it laziness) my anxiety, my lack of energy, my aches and pains. I quit all drugs and alcohol even caffeine. I track my sleep. I want to feel good. And believe it or not I was thinking I did feel good? Until the afternoon. I don't know. I really hope this is just some fucking b vitamin deficiency and I'll take some pills and be reborn as a human and not a trash pile. Look at me all perfect. With all my career, and my money, and friends who don't like me. Don't I look put together. I'm so imperfect and so scared of anyone finding out. I'm so scared to tell anyone how messed up I am on the inside. I rant to my therapist, my coaches, whoever but I'm just going around in circles. Without support I'd be fucking nuts. Thankfully I pay people to support me. Because no one would for free. Fuck my.life.

Username: Cloth Cloth

Date posted: 43w ago

I’m here for you I feel ya I feel so lonely I feel no one talks to me like texts me.

Username: mpeot1123mpeot1123

Date posted: 43w ago

when it comes to friends, i can relate completely. i never had a real friend until i turned 21. my friends would make plans without me or tell me “we’re not going anymore” then go to wherever without me thinking i wouldn’t find out. my mom told me all throughout my life that as you get older, friends will come. i can’t say i have perfect friends, but i truly think that they are real friends. a habit informed us being thankful for friends that even just make you feel good in that season of life. they can come and go. i know when they go it hurts, but try to stay in the mindset that in this moment in time, they are the friends you need. your time will come even though it feels impossible. rejection is a terrifying thing, but eventually, rejection will feel less of a fear and more of a “i dodged a bullet” feeling because people who aren’t meant to be in your life will eventually move on, and that is a GOOD THING! stay strong babe.

Username: NotanonNotanon

Date posted: 43w ago

Why am I so unlikable. And why does everyone hate me

Username: Cloth Cloth

Date posted: 43w ago

Aww thanks not true

Username: Cloth Cloth

Date posted: 43w ago

Oops I meant that’s not thanks

Username: GivenupGivenup

Date posted: 43w ago

Your not the only one going through this... i have one friend in college who i dont even think likes me, no one knows how horrible my ocd is, and i constantly go through anxiety and ocd everyday... your not alone...

Username: BiancaSawyer13BiancaSawyer13

Date posted: 43w ago

I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through right now. It sounds like each day is a whirlwind of anxiety and self-doubt, and top of that, you seem to be dealing with the loneliness and isolation that often comes with OCD. Forget about looking 'perfect' - it takes a lot of courage to share all these deep, raw feelings, especially when you feel like you've been abandoned by friends, and you're doing a great job at facing your challenges head on, despite how tough they are.💪 Given the wide range of anxieties you're experiencing right now, something that could help you is this AI OCD therapy tool called Unstuck (unstuckmyocd.com/try). It was suggested in my OCD support group and I really wish I knew about it earlier. It'll be especially helpful for you, considering you're dealing with a wide array of obsessions (from fear of abandonment to hyperfixating on health supplements). Their tool, just like an OCD therapist, provides personalized step-by-step support when OCD keeps throwing curveballs at you. Plus, it can be a great complimentary tool to the therapy and coaching you're already doing. Anyway, if you have any questions about Unstuck, or just want a chat, I'm here. 🙂

Username: mummers

Date posted: 5y ago

*venting* I’m so tired of life. I just woke up, and I feel like going back to bed and sleep until this nightmare passes. This week has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I can face another day of intrusive thoughts, fear, anxiety. I need some moments of relief, but there are none. I wanna have a life again. Anxiety and obsessive thoughts have killed my social life, my ambitions and desires, my happiness. I’ve been fighting for the past 6 months for nothing. I don’t see any improvement. I’m on day 3 of Lexapro and of course i can’t tell if it’s gonna work for me or not. I’m on the first stages of ERP therapy and I still haven’t got any assigned homework to work on, which I really need because I need to feel like I’m doing SOMETHING to help myself with ocd and Gad. I just hope someone could just take out whatever part of my brain isn’t working properly and replace it with a new piece. I don’t wanna feel like a burden to my family or boyfriend anymore. I can’t believe all the damage that I’m causing. I don’t know what to do with all this self hate. I don’t know where to turn to. I seem to have all the help that one could need - therapy, medication, support system. Yet I feel like I can’t spend another day living like this.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

I had to stay home from work today because even though I was exhausted I got 1 hour of sleep. I work 7 days a week between 2 jobs and I finally said today I need a mental day. I am lonelier than ever and have lost friends over the past few years or just lost touch. My best friend ever stopped speaking with me after a group tour of the UK a few years ago and now someone that was our mutual friend is best friends with her and brushes me off. I tried to reach out to my ex friend and make peace but no answer. She has many friends now and a boyfriend. I realize I had some drunk nights that make people not want to hang out with me but I was up last night feeling complete rejection to the fullest and horrible about myself. At rock bottom I have no one. On top of that I was just in a toxic relationship while living abroad and he turned out to be a chronic cheater and married with 2 kids. I have one friend who speaks to me from LA from time to time but as for here in New York I barely got anyone left and bad memories. I can’t be afraid of not going to sleep every night because of thoughts or depression. My period is due any day which doesn’t help. I was just crying so much last night. I’ve never felt so alone. I just feel like a horrible human being that no one wants to be around and I try to make it right.

"Pure" OCD

Username: FJustRightOCD

Date posted: 2y ago

In a desperate place/any helpful thoughts or advice welcomed.

First, know that I don't plan to kill myself and I am not suicidal. When I feel like my life is killing me (toxic relationships, lots of comorbid MH issues), it's hard, bc it's like being run over by an 18-wheeler truck, every. single. day. And when a terrible event happens, it's like I'm being run over by 50 18-wheeler trucks within a span of 1 minute. I still feel grateful for a lot of beauty and soul in my life too, but in certain moments, like in a CRASH, everything immediate, feels PAINFUL, SCARY, ISOLATING. Even with therapy, groups, and all. My MH supporters' answer is: MEDICINE. I want to get better without it. But as the guy I spoke to on the suicide prevention hotline said "Where has avoiding medicine gotten you all these years?" He had a point. I am really scared of taking medicine, not judging it, of having chemicals alter my mind. This page, and friends who've shared experiences, share a lot of horror stories about it. And my depression has gotten better before with a therapist I can no longer see because I can't afford to see her. I can only see a therapist at NOCD, for only ERP, because that's the only thing my insurance will cover. Any thoughts, personal experiences, things you can share, will be helpful. I have family, I have friends, but some of this stuff can feel impossible to talk to them about. And when I'm a complete wreck, speaking incoherently through sobs, snot coming out of my nose, I struggle to even more. Hence my calling the Suicide Prevention Hotline for the first time. And writing something this personal and vulnerable here.

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