Hard times I guess

I didn't even realize. I'm about to get my period and my anxiety is higher. I'm noticing how my friend hasn't written back to my texts or hasn't answered the last 3 times I called. I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I wrote a text and asked if I did something wrong and he didn't respond. My other friend annoyed me. And I think my other friend doesn't like me that much. I feel abandoned and forgotten and like I must be a bad friend or bad person or why would they all forget me like this. What did I do? Did I take my opinions too far? I've been picking at my skin, having a feeling of unrest. I just watch Netflix and lie on my couch to avoid it. I look okay, but I haven't worked in a year purposefully to find a new way, but I haven't found it yet. I'm doing so much, but it always feels like too little. I tell myself again and again that I'm doing enough, but there's always a voice that says no you're lazy, you're unhealthy and you're just making excuses. I hyperfixate on stupid solutions like blood tests, supplements, genetic testing to explain my symptoms my depression (or is it laziness) my anxiety, my lack of energy, my aches and pains. I quit all drugs and alcohol even caffeine. I track my sleep. I want to feel good. And believe it or not I was thinking I did feel good? Until the afternoon. I don't know. I really hope this is just some fucking b vitamin deficiency and I'll take some pills and be reborn as a human and not a trash pile. Look at me all perfect. With all my career, and my money, and friends who don't like me. Don't I look put together. I'm so imperfect and so scared of anyone finding out. I'm so scared to tell anyone how messed up I am on the inside. I rant to my therapist, my coaches, whoever but I'm just going around in circles. Without support I'd be fucking nuts. Thankfully I pay people to support me. Because no one would for free. Fuck my.life.

Username: Cloth Cloth

Date posted: 47w ago

I’m here for you I feel ya I feel so lonely I feel no one talks to me like texts me.

Username: mpeot1123mpeot1123

Date posted: 47w ago

when it comes to friends, i can relate completely. i never had a real friend until i turned 21. my friends would make plans without me or tell me “we’re not going anymore” then go to wherever without me thinking i wouldn’t find out. my mom told me all throughout my life that as you get older, friends will come. i can’t say i have perfect friends, but i truly think that they are real friends. a habit informed us being thankful for friends that even just make you feel good in that season of life. they can come and go. i know when they go it hurts, but try to stay in the mindset that in this moment in time, they are the friends you need. your time will come even though it feels impossible. rejection is a terrifying thing, but eventually, rejection will feel less of a fear and more of a “i dodged a bullet” feeling because people who aren’t meant to be in your life will eventually move on, and that is a GOOD THING! stay strong babe.

Username: NotanonNotanon

Date posted: 47w ago

Why am I so unlikable. And why does everyone hate me

Username: Cloth Cloth

Date posted: 47w ago

Aww thanks not true

Username: Cloth Cloth

Date posted: 47w ago

Oops I meant that’s not thanks

Username: GivenupGivenup

Date posted: 47w ago

Your not the only one going through this... i have one friend in college who i dont even think likes me, no one knows how horrible my ocd is, and i constantly go through anxiety and ocd everyday... your not alone...

Username: BiancaSawyer13BiancaSawyer13

Date posted: 47w ago

I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through right now. It sounds like each day is a whirlwind of anxiety and self-doubt, and top of that, you seem to be dealing with the loneliness and isolation that often comes with OCD. Forget about looking 'perfect' - it takes a lot of courage to share all these deep, raw feelings, especially when you feel like you've been abandoned by friends, and you're doing a great job at facing your challenges head on, despite how tough they are.💪 Given the wide range of anxieties you're experiencing right now, something that could help you is this AI OCD therapy tool called Unstuck (unstuckmyocd.com/try). It was suggested in my OCD support group and I really wish I knew about it earlier. It'll be especially helpful for you, considering you're dealing with a wide array of obsessions (from fear of abandonment to hyperfixating on health supplements). Their tool, just like an OCD therapist, provides personalized step-by-step support when OCD keeps throwing curveballs at you. Plus, it can be a great complimentary tool to the therapy and coaching you're already doing. Anyway, if you have any questions about Unstuck, or just want a chat, I'm here. 🙂

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

I had to stay home from work today because even though I was exhausted I got 1 hour of sleep. I work 7 days a week between 2 jobs and I finally said today I need a mental day. I am lonelier than ever and have lost friends over the past few years or just lost touch. My best friend ever stopped speaking with me after a group tour of the UK a few years ago and now someone that was our mutual friend is best friends with her and brushes me off. I tried to reach out to my ex friend and make peace but no answer. She has many friends now and a boyfriend. I realize I had some drunk nights that make people not want to hang out with me but I was up last night feeling complete rejection to the fullest and horrible about myself. At rock bottom I have no one. On top of that I was just in a toxic relationship while living abroad and he turned out to be a chronic cheater and married with 2 kids. I have one friend who speaks to me from LA from time to time but as for here in New York I barely got anyone left and bad memories. I can’t be afraid of not going to sleep every night because of thoughts or depression. My period is due any day which doesn’t help. I was just crying so much last night. I’ve never felt so alone. I just feel like a horrible human being that no one wants to be around and I try to make it right.

"Pure" OCD

Username: sophie02

Date posted: 4y ago

I need a space to breathe and rant and get stuff off my chest so this is what I’m using this for now. I hate being angry. I hate it so much cause I always feel like I have less control over my thoughts and feelings and it makes me feel like I have no control over possible actions etc. which makes it really hard with harm ocd. But it feels like an endless loop, because my ocd is so frustrating it makes me angry, and that makes me feel less in control, so the circle continues. It sucks feeling like if anyone knew what it looked like sometimes inside your head, maybe they wouldn’t love you and they wouldn’t see you the same way. I feel so lonely and hollow that days. I have so many “friends” but they all make me feel more lonely, cause everything is so superficial and pointless and sitting with them just makes me feel like I need to withdraw deeper into myself because they don’t get it and they don’t really want to get it or care. I want to scream and cry cause I can’t control anything. I can’t stop the people I love from dying one day, I cant stop time, and I can’t keep things the same forever. I’m so tired of doubting everything about myself. Am I a pedophile? Am I a danger to my loved ones? Am I psychotic? Ya da ya da ya da. This endless anxiety I have it feels like it’s slowly killing me and it’s making me depressed. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept for two nights and I mean like at all. I forget to eat I get so anxious and either way I sometimes feel so nauseous I don’t want to eat. My family doesn’t really get it, to them ocd is always just an excuse, or it’s for drama. I have tried to ease myself into the idea that maybe everything is chaos. Bad things happen to good people everything has an end, etc. it’s much easier said than done. If life is an ever changing stormy sea of waves than I’m barely clinging onto anything.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Always Letting Them Down

I have not held a job in nearly a year now. Not since my son came home from the hospital. Something makes me unable to be away from my house and not feel overwhelmed by the anxiety it causes. I am exhausted and tired and more stressed than ever. My husband has started verbally abusing me and making me feel like everything is always my fault. If he loses something I am the first to be blamed for it and he doesnt let up until it's found. If I am the one to find it it fuels him more to tell me how I am a thief and a liar when I haven't done anything wrong. I have started to question my value as a person and I have a pain in my chest that leaves me feeling suffocated and unable to function. I spend so much of my time defending myself and feeling unsure whether or not I should defe d myself at all. I'm losing my mind. I finally found a new job and yesterday when I got to work I had a message from my husband saying that I stole his medication and I had such a horrible panic attack that I passed out in my car. I woke up and was almost two hours late for work so then I freaked out and I was too afraid to go inside to work. I called the HR department and explained everything going on so I have to see a doctor and get their paperwork turned back in before I can return to my job. I'm worried that even if I do get the forms filled out that I still will lose my job. I am so worried. Rent hasn't been paid yet this month and I have been so stressed out that I have virtually shut down altogether. I have no motivation to do anything and I am having to watch my little boy suffer through all the fighting and all the crying. I actually chopped off my own hair this afternoon. I was fed up and I don't know why I did it but my husband was recording my panic attacks and getting a video of me freaking out made it obvious to me that he doesn't care about me anymore other than as something to entertain himself when he is bored. He has become someone I can't trust and it gets tiring having to protect myself and who I am at all times. I don't know how to get out of this situation because I have literally no money and I have no friends in this town. I guess I'm just looking to feel accepted somewhere. I feel like a failure and a let down. I feel like something is seriously wrong with me.

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Hard times I guess

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