ROCD and coincidences

I’m just curious if anyone else has ever dealt with this specific bit of what I assume is ROCD. This is the second time I’ve dealt with this, but I wasn’t in a relationship the first time it became an issue, and now I am. Basically I’m having intrusive thoughts that I’m meant to be with someone from my past who treated me terribly and is someone I was never able to see a future with, and whom I absolutely don’t want a future with. I’m currently in the healthiest and happiest relationship I’ve ever been in, but these thoughts just won’t stop flooding in, and the last few months they’ve come with coincidences that make it even harder to deal with (a patient of mine having the past guy’s birthday, the past guy’s name showing up more frequently, etc) I’m literally marrying the love of my life in just over a week, and this just seems so unfair, and it’s causing some guilt as well. I’m just curious if anyone else has ever experienced these thoughts too, and what you did to overcome them. Thanks for reading all this!

"Pure" OCD

Username: Laylas1201Laylas1201

Date posted: 43w ago

I’ve had the same experience. Been with the guy I’m with for almost a year now. The guy before him was terrible to me, but I felt I still missed him and needed to be with him. I honestly think this is because we fell into the element of being treated poorly and now we expect that from everyone and now we have something good and DO NOT KNOW how to take it because we’re used to bad behavior from relationships. Your mind has a funny way of doing things to you like that. It took me a TON of thinking over and looking back and looking at them for how they really were and not what I wanted them to be.

Username: Joyful90Joyful90

Date posted: 43w ago

@Lanie1212 That’s almost exactly what my therapist told me. That I was so used to being treated poorly, that now I don’t know how to accept a good relationship. But of course the thoughts make me ruminate that if I’m the only person who has experienced them then they must be true. It’s super annoying

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 43w ago

@Joyful90 omg this is me too!! i have lived my whole life chasing for attention and that's become just my way of proving to myself that i still have feelings for them and now when i actually get treated well, i feel like the spark is gone or im losing feelings because i'm actually calm and don't feel the need to impress to such an extent and work to be happy and i feel like that initiates my rocd bcs now i don't focus on chasing attention. kind of a sad realization but does not help the thoughts either it does suck.

Username: Joyful90Joyful90

Date posted: 42w ago

@Anonymous I definitely understand the attention thing. After my divorce I went through a pretty promiscuous phase, and this past guy happened to be the first guy after my divorce. I’m not sure if that triggered something or what, but it was a tumultuous few months and he broke my heart pretty good during a time when I was super vulnerable. I think that has a lot to do with why he is the person that sticks out in these thoughts. It baffles me how OCD works. I can tell the thoughts are OCD. I know that if they had anything good attached to them it wouldn’t be causing so much anxiety. I know that person was not and would not ever be a good partner. Unfortunately the rationalization that doesn’t help. I do hope you can work on your thoughts so that they don’t consume you and your relationships. It’s exhausting

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 43w ago

this is super normal plus its rlly good that theyre just thoughts and haven't translated to your feelings. these coincidences tend to become more noticeable and more stressful when it's an existing problem for you mentally. the thoughts won't stop until you just let yourself be unaffected by them, which is easier said than done. but the reality is they're not real and you got closure with this person already. the uncertainty behind who you're "meant to be with" or not is only amplified by your ocd but you should just enjoy the moment and be with who you love, regardless of the future right now. you said it yourself, healthiest and happiest, so you are meant to be with this person at least right now. the ex stuff is normal to be curious or contemplate especially when you're about to make a big life change and your ocd is probably making these thoughts seem more relevant than they really are. in any case, it is normal and you should disassociate your feelings from your ocd before you start to connect them

Username: Joyful90Joyful90

Date posted: 43w ago

@Anonymous Thank you! Fortunately my feelings haven’t connected with the thoughts, and I hope they never do. I’m working with my therapist and with meds so my hope is the thoughts will continue to dissipate as I work on everything

Username: BiancaSawyer13BiancaSawyer13

Date posted: 43w ago

Hey there, I want to let you know how brave you are for sharing this; I know it's not easy to openly discuss our intrusive thoughts, especially when they're about sensitive topics like past relationships. It sounds like this has been causing quite a bit of discomfort for you lately, and it must be extremely difficult to deal with right before your marriage. But remember, it's okay to have these thoughts; OCD catches onto what matters to us most, throwing curveballs that can get pretty overwhelming. Something I found helpful when being challenged by my OCD was this AI OCD therapy tool called "Unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try). It was recommended to me by my OCD support group, and I must say, I wish I had discovered it sooner. It helps you work through your distressing thoughts and can guide you step-by-step through difficult moments, which could be really valuable to you, especially as your wedding day approaches. If you have any questions about how to use the app or just need someone to chat with, feel free to reach out. I'm here for you! 💪

Username: queenvic

Date posted: 5y ago

Hi all - so over a period of nearly eight years, I have experienced intense ROCD (relationship OCD) with my partner. Last week we got engaged, this wasn't a huge surprise as we were talking about it for months in advance. My intrusive thoughts tend to flare up really badly in times of change, even positive change. When we graduated university, when we moved to our flat, and when I started my job are all times I've had flare ups so the fact that I'm having another flare up now shouldn't have come as a shock - but I'm finding it so hard to cope with. The night of our engagement, after about five mins of initial anxiety from the shock, I was on cloud nine and couldn't wait to tell friends and family and begin planning our wedding. However, the next day, the rumination began. "Have I made a terrible mistake, do I really love him, am I just settling, everyone is so happy for us but I'm faking my emotions, if we're supposed to spend the rest of our lives together I should be happy, not anxious, etc." this has totally ruined our first week of what should be the happiest time of our lives. There are zero red flags in our relationship, in fact, the night before we got engaged I remember thinking to myself that I had honestly never been happier. I'm super lucky in that my partner knows about my anxiety, is so thoughtful, and has been constantly reassuring me that all will be well, we've been here before countless times and have always come through. My parents and best friends have also been super supportive as they know what my triggers are, and I've had some lovely messages from them. I'm looking for good coping mechanisms for how to deal with the thoughts and stop putting pressure on myself, as I'm currently stuck in that horrid cycle of endless reassurance and spikes and it's doing me no good at all. Can anyone who has ever been in a similar situation help? X

Username: _MO

Date posted: 2y ago

ROCD

I am in a really bad spot with my ROCD right now. I have been having terrible fears that I married the wrong person and that I don’t actually love him. One of my obsessions has been surrounding a guy friend of mine from a few years ago and wondering if I would’ve been better off married to him (we never dated, I was dating my husband then). But now I’m worried because If OCD attaches to what we love and value most, I’m concerned that I truly love that other guy - and even if I am having OCD, the fact that I’m obsessing over him/his wife and the idea I might’ve been better with him, doesn’t that mean something??? Anyone else experience this? I feel so beat down.

Relationship OCD

Username: edt

Date posted: 33w ago

ROCD

So I've been struggling with this for more than 1,5 years... My ocd about my relationship began so suddenly. At first it was just anxiety,but later it was about an old friend of mine. I had a huge crush on him before my bf and since I met my bf I didn't feel anything anymore and we just grew apart. Until my ocd thoughts started about the old friend. I keep comparing everything with him until I feel satisfied with the fact it's feels better with my bf than it would with the old friend. I don't want him!!! He wast the person I needed and me and my bf have such a beautiful relationship and I love him so much..the ocd goes and comes but it's always about the old griend and sometimes I begin to doubt the fact it's ocd or it's just meant to be with the old friend?? But I don't want that!!! I am so happy with my bf and I don't want the old friend!!!! I keep revising the same sentences to comfort myself and I can get trapped in the thoughts for minutes! How can I stop this...what if it goes on for more years ugggg....hoping the ocd goes away soon again. Because sometimes the thoughts do go away but now it's back...

Relationship OCD

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