Help please

does anyone else fall into the bad, unhealthy habit of checking old friends that maybe you had a bad (or civil, natural) falling out with? i’ve only ever seen this discussed in the context of stalking ex partner’s social medias. for me, i have a lot of trauma from past friendships that were toxic and for some, straight up abusive. and yet, sometimes i still catch myself looking at their tik toks or vscos like trying to see who “won”? ofc social media is such a carefully edited and fake image we put out of ourselves to make us seem more interesting or cool. but i cant help but feel inferior and sometimes i obsess over if i was truly the problem/was the bad guy/made all of the issues i had w them up. anyone else get this?

Does anyone else constantly question whether or not the people in their lives genuinely like them? Like worrying that when you ask if you've bothered them it only annoys them more? Like either they're lying to you and really do hate you or talk behind your back? Or are just too nice to point out your flaws becayse they don't want to hurt your feelings and tell you what they really think about you? Like even when you're invited to things you just feel unwanted and that you may have been a pity invite? Like I always feel like I've done something to bother or upset everyone I interact with and these things add up and they slowly start to resent me as time goes on. Does anyone else feel this way? Like to the point where you just avoid interacting with people as much as possible so you're not reminded of the possibility that they may not even like you or are just simply tolerating you because they don't want to be mean? Any advice on how to stop feeling this way?

I posted about this yesterday but I feel like I’m in an extremely obsessive cycle right now. So basically I started college and moved into dorms. My roommate and I were cool at first then began to experience some issues. Mainly codependency on both ends. So I pulled back to regain control of my emotions and also to make better decisions since I don’t want codependent friendship. I did this with the help and guidance of my therapist. I have also been in therapy for almost two years. So today, my friend seems bothered in class bc she has her nursing cohort in class and Idk if she wanted to go talk to them rather than me or what she wanted to do but she usually says bye to me after class and she just got up and left. Which was odd to me. She then was super silent later in when she got home to the dorms so I asked if wverhtbing was ok she said yeah and said she had a headache. While that may be true she hadn’t been quiet toward me or like that in the past. So anyways I’ve been in an obsessive cycle of trying to “find answers” as to what’s wrong with me and why I struggled in friendship my whole life. Why I’ve chosen some unkind friends before. I have searched the internet up and down trying to figure out what is “wrong with me” and see if I’m unliksble or if there’s traits that need “fixing” so I can be liked better. This also enables me to go into perfectionist mode and remind myself of all the flaws I have and try to fix them. It’s exhausting and tiring. I’ve done some major work on myself in therapy these past two years and have actually made drastic changes, yet I still sometimes feel like why haven’t I mad decent good friends, and why am I feeling like a bad person all the time even when I’ve improved a lot of things. Any advice. Is this a compulsion?? I feel like it is bc my brain freaken hurts and I feel like I am looping. I got home around 4:30 today and have been on the intnernt for four hours searching smh.