Hocd

Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.

Pocd feels real again and I can’t tell if I’m actually attracted or not. can’t believe it got this bad again. I used to be able to go “no I don’t like that, go away” and now it feels like I do like it and want it, and it’s starting to linger longer so it feels more real. I’m avoiding checking but I’m so scared that what if it’s true. Is it because I have not been doing my exposures? I’m not sure, but every time a 14 year old person comes to my head, I keep hearing something go “they’re attractive” and it sounds like me so I panic, and it makes me even more scared because I’m not feeling bad about it??? I saw some kid at Walmart that had long black hair and my brain kept saying shit and no matter how much I say I don’t feel that way, it won’t shut up, i want to check 1000 times to make sure. But I know it’s not worth it. I’m trying so hard

Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.