Hey everyone! Kind of just want some help. It sounds kind of stupid but I’ve had a really bad few months and been depressed to the point of not washing my face and not showering enough (weird and gross sorry). Tonight I just decided to get back into a skincare routine and I’m cleaning my room so I have a tidy environment because it’s a mess because I have been really bad. I struggle with HOCD and tonight I’m trying so so so so hard to tell myself ‘I don’t care, maybe I am gay, maybe I’m not’. I’m really resisting the urge to check scenarios in my mind and stuff. I’m finding myself having to do this several times every few minutes and I’m trying to keep up saying ‘maybe maybe not’ and keeping the uncertainty. Is this the right thing to do? I’m worried about it being too hard because it’s literally gonna be constant but I’m gonna try so hard. Also a thought keeps popping in ‘if you don’t think about it, that means you are your obsession’ and ‘if you don’t want to figure it out, it means you’ve accepted your sexuality’. As I’m typing this out I can literally SEE how ridiculous it is but when it happens I consider ruminating. I shouldn’t though because that’s definitely just another obsession isn’t it? I just really want to try and help myself properly and I’m unsure if I’m doing it the right way. Some guidance would really be appreciated! :) I’ve also deleted social media because I’ve found them to be really bad because of my checking and because I keep seeing relationships and keep checking my attraction to every single person, male or female, that I scroll past. Was this the right thing to do or could that be considered avoidance? I’m just sick of doing it to be honest, I’m literally tired of my own compulsion. I downloaded some brain games instead to keep myself distracted??. I’d appreciate anyone to help me tonight and I hope everybody is okay!!!

Sexual Orientation OCD

b13

Date posted: 6y

Trust me, I do it all day every day and have for years. It was only a few hours ago that I thought I’d give try to help myself a little bit otherwise I’d have ruminated hundreds of more times in the last few hours. I’m doing well so far, I’ve been catching myself like just about to check a scenario and I’ll kind of say like ‘no that’s rumination and I don’t need to do that’. It’s really hard because even after saying that to myself I still want to check but I try and find something else to do or I just repeat the same thing until the need to do it lessens. As I said, it’s only been a few hours versus years of checking scenarios but I’m trying to think positive. Hope you’re well, and remember you’ve probably spent a long time giving in to checking scenarios, don’t be too hard on yourself for struggling to resist, it’s really difficult. I hope I can do the same tomorrow and eventually it might get easier.

MentalHelp

Date posted: 6y

Small steps will become big steps! You can be proud of yourself! ✨

bluefish

Date posted: 6y

Wow, it sounds like you're doing great. I have a different 'theme' but it's also focused on intrusive thoughts and ruminating so I'm encouraged to hear about the way you're battling through and resisting the urge to check scenarios and ruminate. How did it go? I find resisting the urge to check almost impossible right now, but hopefully I'll get better again. Well done for just attempting to sit with those thoughts and not check.

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