I’ve got Pure O and my compulsions are tricky to identify sometimes. But how should I feel when I’ve successfully resisted them? Trying to sit with the anxiety and the dread!
I like a recent analogy I heard of not ‘clicking ‘ on the thought. Sort of like not opening up a folder with the ocd story inside and examining it. When you’re doing an exposure, you’re sort of opening up the folder deliberately, and agreeing with the ocd fears instead of trying to disprove or solve them. Ideally, you would feel some level of anxiety, and resist the urge to compulse/solve. Sometimes for me the anxiety and dread is so strong that doing an exposure is unnecessary. In those moments, you can (and this is really challenging) treat them like really big exposures. The amount of learning your fear system will undergo in these moments when you resist compulsing is massive. Generally when I resist compulsions I feel anxious, but fulfilled, knowing I’ve used courage and will power to do something good for my ocd that I will benefit from in the long term. In the short term though, it might feel worse. Hope this helps.
@Simon Also, plan A would be agreeing with the fear and ‘not clicking’ and focusing attention on something else. Since that’s sometimes (usually)too difficult for me, Plan B is deliberately facing the dreaded ocd story without compulsing.
@Simon Thanks Simon, appreciate this response. Okay totally makes sense. Also cool to see another filmmaker out there with OCD. I’m a DOP.
@Matt93 Awesome! I’m a big fan of cinematography
Heya! I was diagnosed with Pure O (although I recon I have more compulsive tendencies than first realised with my diagnosis) and I’m not sure if this will help but here are some of the compulsions that took me a long time to realise were compulsions, by identifying it may be easier to intentionally resist them. -confessing, having to tell somebody else what you’re thinking about -mentally replaying, after having an intrusive thought intentionally rethinking it over and over to try and figure out what ur means, if it’s true, if it was really an intrusive thought —reassurance-seeking, googling questions about your intrusive thoughts, asking others ‘do you actually like me? ‘Do you think I’m a bad person?’ I found it really helpful to do meditations where I mentally watch my thoughts fly by, not interacting with them or allowing them to mean anything, watching them pass like clouds
@obsessivequeer Thanks so much. I recently realised confessing is one of mine also. It’s so hard cos you want to be able to talk about it but I also don’t want to do compulsions.
I’ve noticed that I’m somewhat happier also ignoring my thoughts than I am instead of doing compulsions (I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired atp) but I’ve heard you’re technically supposed to do erp rather than pushing under the rug. But idk if I have a thought I just refuse to think about it again and im fine even if I want to do compulsions
I’ve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I won’t give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that I’ll “check/test” my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that I’ll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. It’s so complicated but I guess I’m mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. I’ve even envisioned myself checking and it’s making me so nauseous. I know it’s a compulsion like any other but the sound of “touching yourself to the thought of a child” sounds atrocious and vile. I’m terrified I’ll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?
What to do when we feel guilty about our ocd checking and compulsive behaviors?
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