How can I move on from something so horrible.

@Nameless000 I am truly sorry you’re going through this. Are you working with a therapist? Unfortunately, you might be looking for reassurance and I’ve been there before many times. Nothing can change the past, but these are all thoughts now. And they are treated the same way that any OCD theme is. Your OCD is making this out to be the worst thing that has ever happened and it won’t respond to logic. I encourage you to get a therapist through here and if not, through another source. Make sure they understand OCD and use ERP. Avoid googling, confessing, research, and anything that feeds the OCD. It only will get worse. A good therapist will work with you and help you heal. Again, offering reassurance will not help you, but I will say that this is your OCD talking and spiralling, it truly sucks but there is hope. Work hard and you will heal to sit with these thoughts and they will not bother you anymore.

@SimplerTimes No, I'm not looking for reassurance, it's probably just me self loathing. I know I can't change the past, but I wish to know what I can do to forget about it. I don't think this is about ocd, it's traumatic memories that are resurfacing, (maybe intrusive traumatic memories? But it's not that, I'm just remembering and it's killing me, it's not thoughts but the awareness of what happened plus the graphic reminder.) It's just too difficult to accept that it happened and move on as if it were a normal intrusive thought. This was something big that happened in real life and probably chemically altered my brain. I don't think it is just thoughts that i can get over by simply doing erp like all the other times, it's a traumatic event that I can't heal from and that I have to deal with for the rest of my life.

@SimplerTimes I just don't know what to do. I don't have the tools to deal with this. I keep remembering what I saw, the graphic details and it's killing me. Even if I stop remembering the awareness, the memory will still be there, nothing will undo what happened. I just can't shake off the horrible thing that I witnessed, I can't deal with it, I can't cope with it at all. I witnessed something that should never exist and I'm traumatised for life. I can't accept it because it isn't something that it is meant to be in the first place. It's a inhuman sick feeling that was never meant to be treated and overcome in the first place. It's a horror.

@Nameless000 Hi there again, I am truly sorry this is happening. It sounds like it was very traumatic and is affecting you so horribly. I really hope this offers some comfort but I have witnessed terrible things and lived through traumatic events that I wished I could forget. They barely affect me today and it took a long while to change my day to day. Having a good support system helps a lot, but I urge you to speak to a therapist about OCD and possibly one for trauma. I lived through a lot of trauma and starting the healing process is the toughest part. Some days feel really hopeless but it does get better. Please don’t keep this to yourself, you don’t need to get into details, but let someone your trust know how you’re feeling. The internet and online is a cesspool for young people and the lack of awareness of how impactful that can be is very misunderstood. Please don’t give up hope and think it will never get better. The memory is traumatic and the OCD replays it over and over again and makes it 1000x times worse. Please know that there’s hope and speak to a therapist if you aren’t already. Here’s a resource on real event OCD. Whether it be a thought, memories, mistake, nothing is impossible to heal from: https://youtu.be/fNxlpotyLRs?si=cnyZiMHnbgfneq1V

@SimplerTimes Thank you

@SimplerTimes Did you go through something like I did? I wish I saw something like gore because then I could somehow forgive myself, this is the worst thing ever, the most immoral and despicable thing in humanity. I maybe can get used to accepting that happened but it's the detail, it's the particular detail of how it was happening in that horrible thing that makes me cry and keep remembering unwantedly. It's too much.

@Nameless000 I’ve remembered countless things I wish I could forget, but remember it’s just a memory. It can’t hurt us now, yes, it can cause mental anguish, but it’s the same principle. In time, the memory will lose its power and you will heal. It’s a LOT right now, seeing something horrible can be traumatising. Is there anyone you can speak to right now? A family member or friend? Sometimes just getting a hug from someone who loves you goes a long way.